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about
I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
advice
I'm 19 years old, turning 20 in a few months.
I feel as though as my father is extremely controlling and is having a negative impact on me.
For reference, he has been diagnosed with depression for a while now.
Basically, I am an adult now and I'm still treated like a child. My Dad gives little importance to my opinions and feelings, and is always pushing his beliefs and his opinions on me.
He is also always trying to control EVERY THING I do. For example, today is Good Friday, and the day is absolutely gorgeous outside.
I want to go outside by the lake, take a walk(It's about a 15 minute walk), read a good book, sit, relax and even meditate but my Dad says I can't. It's not like we have plans for today, we aren't seeing family and we don't celebrate Good Friday.
I`m just extremely fed up with my Dad trying to control me for no reason. I'm doing my best to try and be as respectful as I can given the circumstances so I don't necessarily rebel when he says no or whatever.
But like.. when does it cross the line? And how do I deal with this situation in the best possible manner and respectfully?
I'm entitled to my independence and my right to do what I want. I'm not doing ANYTHING wrong.
I basically have no life, and I don't do much all day. Everything I do is a problem for my Dad. He's just such a negative and draining person, it's hard to be around him.
If I want to go outside? That's a problem, because ''life isn't about having fun.''
If I want to bake? ''Stop doing stupid things. It's expensive.''
If I want to cook? ''Too expensive. Just eat whatever we have.''
If I want to go outside with friends? ''You don't need friends. They're not going to get you anywhere, and you can't trust anyone. Life isn't about having fun.''
If I want to decor the house. ''It's too expensive.''
If I do nothing but sit on the computer all day. ''You're not doing anything with your life.''
Like seriously, what the hell. I can't even DO anything because he always has something to say about everything. Everything he says is SO SO SO negative, that I'm actually frightened that it's going to rub off on me.
This is how some parents are. Mine were really crazy too. I was 18 and they were trying to tell me that I couldn't go out on a date or apply for the job I wanted. It was ridiculous. But hey, you're 19. Isn't it kind of ridiculous that he's being like this and you haven't moved out yet? I'm not trying to be mean here because remember, I was in a similar situation. It's just that you can't really complain about your life this much when you can just go out and do something about it. You don't have to live there. It's really time that you left. I did. I got the job that I wanted and I ended up marrying the guy that I wasn't supposed to see. Money was tight for awhile, but life is amazing now. My parents are much better now and I enjoy visiting them. They really just didn't know how to deal with having an adult child in the house. I'm sure that there are reasons why you haven't left yet, but if you really are going to decide to stay because of those reasons, stop complaining because it's YOUR CHOICE at this point. Good luck!
(Rating: 5) My parents have a strong cultural and religious background. We are from South Asia (Pakistan) and are Muslims. So as you can see, the two don't mix quite well because they mix cultural values and beliefs with the religion.
Like in the culture, kids aren't allowed to move out of their house until they're married -- especially women. Of course, I think that's totally bogus but I try and be respectful towards my parents because I know that will probably damage my relationship with them if I don't act accordingly.
Personally, I wouldn't give a shit otherwise but I do have a strong belief in God and one of the things that God commands in Islam is to be respectful and dutiful towards your parents, regardless of how they may be.
I'm not entirely sure how I can still do my best to follow through with that and still have my own independance, and privacy.
Plus, I do only have a part-time job right now so I can't really take care of myself. I think now I'm just waiting on going to college, so I can spend more time outside and less inside and get my parents slowly used to the idea of me going out.
It doesn't help right now that I'm homeschooling for my last math credit (my father is more than used to me being at home because he now EXPECTS me to be at home).
I think now that summer is coming, and the weather is getting nicer. I'll start going to the library and outside to do my work and then slowly, gradually start going out and engaging in an actual SOCIAL life.
It's just having to stay patient, and quiet when my Dad blows up or gets suspicious when I say "I want to go the library, or to the park today and do my work."