Erinn_the_bamf's advice column

So my boyfriend(also the father of our 3 month old) and I have been having terrible problems ever since our daughter was born.

First, we fought all the time because he never wanted to spend any time with his daughter. He would much rather have been partying. -Let it be known that I am 21 and he is 22, almost 23.

THEN once we were starting to get over that, we got into it BIG time, because I found two thongs in his possession that weren't mine. He told me that he didn't even know he had them and that he didn't know who they even belonged to.

BUT THEN just a few minutes ago, I was on his laptop and found naked pics that he kept from girls that he was sleeping with. Why would he keep those? I feel completely disrespected. I told him to get rid of EVERYTHING that could get us into a fight like the thongs did and he said that he had nothing else.

I know that going through his laptop was wrong, but I hate thinking that the father of my child could be cheating on me. Should I tell him what I saw? Should I admit to looking at his laptop? Do I have a reason to be mad or am I just crazy?

He is at a friend's house tonight, or so he told me, and therefor wont be coming home tonight. Do I wait to tell him when he gets home? Or should I warn him with a text?

I would GREATLY appreciate any advice that you have. I'm not above begging :( PLEASE!

Whether or not he is cheating, I think that it's clear that he isn't ready to be a father. While the underwear or pictures might belong to exgirlfriends, if he was mature enough to commit to both you and your child completely, he would not be keeping those sorts of things around.

You should approach him and tell him what you found on his computer. He will be upset because what you did ultimately is wrong. You invaded his privacy, which isn't cool in any relationship, but at this point you do have the right to know whether or not he is being faithful. You should then address the issue of whether or not he can be an active participant in the life you are building for your child. Likely, he isn't ready. That doesn't make him a bad person. That makes him a 23 year old that still needs to find what he wants from life. Keep that in mind and also keep in mind no matter what he will have to spend time with his child. You just might need to be the overall more reliable parent.

You should begin taking account of your finances and set a budget to live as a single parent because it sounds like it might come to that. Right now the most important thing is the well-being of your child. If need be, look into welfare services and food stamps. It is doubtful that you two will be together much longer.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for the honesty!

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