asknava's advice column

I'm engaged and thinking of getting married next summer. Both of us are 20 years old, will be in our third year of college. Both of our school costs are paid for except books, and we both make just minimum wage. Can we afford to get married now? Keep in mind our rent would be around $500, and min. wage here is $7.50; don't know what other costs to include that's why I'm asking?

ok we are getting married right now. We like the previous girl have been engaged for a while. For a few reasons, there were some things that I needed to see if they could be worked out, there were a few moves and yes one of the biggest things, us living together for a decent amount of time to make sure that we could do it. Come See Me Come Live With Me, my great grandmother used to say. There is a BIIIIG difference. You are with them all the time, you see EVERYTHING, you can't just get away, you have a chance to see what COMMITMENT really means. If you guys have a disagreement or your first arguement or your UmpTeenth arguement, are you going to be able to get through it when all you have is a door between you? What if you have to get up early to make them food cause they don't know how to cook, what if she gets tired of cleaning? What if you want a cat and she wants a bird? What if she wants to live in Cali and you want to live in NY and neither of you want to live in the other's? So Before you even think about money, think about living together. We have been able to get through all of this and 3 years almost we have been together and every morning when I wake up, I am happy to see him next to me and the same for him. I've never woken up and been like OH GOD WHY? hahaha even if I was a little upset the night before, I've thought in the morning we can work through it. So with that said. The license veries from place to place. Here in Iowa it costs everyone $30, some places residents dont have to pay. Him and I are like you both, we are building our careers so we are waiting to buy rings til the "real" ceremony. This year and the begining of next year is just paperwork. We got the first one done and the next one is where you will need a priest and that could be free if you do it at the courthouse or it could be anywhere from $150 on up. So it totally depends on what you want. If you two love each other and are compatible, then you will get through the money stuff. Just don't try to live above your means and don't use money as an excuse to not be romantic. Make sure that no matter what there is Romance, even if it means making a home made card or pouring a baby oil bath with dollar store candles. As long as you have a good heart, love each other, are compatible and you put forth the effort to make it work no matter what, then you will be fine. Now If you want a hollywood weading haha then no you can't get married now :P but if you are ok with keeping it simple and then maybe having a "real" wedding, like we are later on, then yes you should be fine :) Congratulations.
Oh and sorry you asked what other costs to include. This is what your goal should be, tally up everything you need to have (food, interview clothing, gas money), then tally up every thing that you want but feel like you need (netflix, beers) and then tally up what you want but don't need at all but would just make life more pleasurable (new no occasion shoes, going out to dinner every week, vacations, etc) The first tally is what you HAVE TO MAKE no matter what. The second tally is what you should Focus on making no matter what (so what I mean is, don't go into a job and as for enough to just pay the first tally, ask for enough to pay the first and the second tally together). The third tally is your goal. That is your 5 year maybe 10 year goal plan to get you the lifestyle you really want. So you want to know that you can at least make the first one, and keep in mind, people get fired and people quit. You and she has to be willing to support the other one as long as they are out of a job (and of course as long as they are putting in effort) without being a b**ch about it. That is a part of being together (even without marriage). And you don't know how long they are going to be either low on funds or have no funds at all. So think about that and add that into your calculations. Make all of your spending decisions together for anything big...new TV, Bigger bills, semi-expensive anything, anything that's going to be like a couple hundred dollars or more. This way you can be there to remind each other of what may be a priority or how to find a good sale or when to go ahead and splurge. Ok haha Sorry to say so much but there is a ton that goes into it and I have barley scratched the surface but you will experience a lot and figure it out. My last comment...make sure that when things are not going well, if you have sensitive parents, that you DON'T make them the first people you go to when something goes wrong. You are their baby, and as small as the issue may be they will start to hate the person, even though you are forgiving them. If your parents are sensitive like my mom, only go to your parents when there is a PROBLEM like you are thinking of leaving and you may need to come home PROBLEM, like i've tried everything (church counceling, friend counceling, book counceling, professional counceling and i'm at my last straw and I may need to come home). But for little stuff, oh he said this funky or oh she said this word and I didn't like it or oh he may have kissed another person or what ever, GO to a friend that has positive advice, Go to a couple that you know that is happy and has been togther for a while, go to a couple that had a hard time but got through it. Don't go to single people for advice (unless they are good at giving objective advice) cause a lot of single people just want to hate and destroy haha. So go to people who know what you are dealing with. Commitment is a whole other thing. That's what you want to get advice on. Ok anyway. That's all I'm going to say for now. If you need any other advice please contact me cause I am right in the middle of it.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you so much, it's nice to hear what someone in the same situation as me is experiencing. You said all the things I was already thinking I just needed to hear it from someone else. I believe we will be fine, and I'm sure that we can make enough money to survive. :) Anyways thanks again for your advice.

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