cux's advice column

I'm Jack/Jamie.

I'm 28 years old. I graduated from Michigan State University with my Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. GO GREEN! Now I'm a high school chemistry teacher in New York City living with my husband in a small studio apartment we pay way too much money for.

I've been on this site for 14 years as of March 23, 2020.
You may have seen me as CuxMiBeckNow7, but I've since shortened my name.

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Here is my Recommended Columnist of the Decade for the 2020s:
Laura!

--Jack

advice

14/F

Okay. Like, really, I am about ready to just give up on guys. Ugh. So this guy I like right now (well not really anymore) is a complete ahole, I don't even know why I like him. But he really only just wants to feel me up. Everytime I text him or call him, he says he's busy and that he'll text/call me when he's done... he NEVER does. But of course, whenever he calls/texts I should just be ready to talk to him. I don't know... He's sweet, but, what the hell?

Then there was the last guy I liked. I really, really, really, liked him for like two years, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Which I can get because, yeah, I'm young and stuff so I thought we'd just wait till like highschool or something. Yeah well, he moved away. F my life.

And it kind of sucks because my three bestfriends are all insanely pretty, and I mean, I know I'm pretty too, but they're gorgeous. It sucks so bad that whenever we go out, the boys all flirt with them and then they turn to me like a sloppy second. Plus all of the guys at school like me, but they made this like "Top Five Hot Girls" and I wasn't on it. I know its stupid and dumb and immature and I should waste my time worrying about it, but it hurts you know? I love my friends, and they're the best but it's so hard hanging out with them, because all I can do is compare myself and it's all because I have sucky self esteem.

Then there's this other guy that I kind of like right now. But because I'm an idiot, I like threw myself at him. Like I tried to talk to him 24/7 so I looked like a creepy obsessed girl... and well I think I blew it with him which really stinks cuz I think it could have worked. And that whole ordeal really hasn't helped my confidence much at all.

So at the moment, I'm kind of just ready to give up. I think about all of that stuff I just wrote and, God, I feel so pathetic. I feel ugly and gross and unwanted and stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do these dumb boys' opinions matter to me so much?

I'll be the first to admit that guys are confusing, but they can be figured out.

For goodness sake, you are only fourteen years old. There's no possibly way you're going to suddenly meet the perfect guy at your age. I guarantee you that the guy for you is not from your town, and maybe isn't from your state.

This is why I've decided to stop dating until I'm in college, because there's no one for me in my town. I mean, sure, I have a lot of friends that I love here, but in college, I'll meet people from all over the country, and hopefully find someone who is just like me and that I can really get along with and maybe end up dating and possibly marrying.

My point is, you have SO much more time in your life to date. You don't have to rush it just because everyone else is doing it, especially when you've kind of had bad luck with those guys. I mean, certainly don't "give up" on guys, because what happens when you find a guy that's perfect, but you've told everyone and yourself that you've given up on guys? Do you just say nevermind? Do you just disregard everything you've stood for?

The best thing to do is not "give up", but to be cautious about who you get close to. Try to really get to know a guy before you date them. Like, the basics and maybe more in-depth things. I mean, you don't have to know his grandmother's favorite color or his father's middle name. I mean, get to know his personality, based off of his family and how he acts around his friends and around you. There's nothing wrong with trying to get to know a guy before dating him or getting feelings for him.

And honestly, I don't mean to say that you can't date a guy unless you know his personality completely; that is absurd. What I mean is that don't just date a random guy you meet at a party or something because he's hot, is a good kisser, or "seems" nice. Try to be his friend before you date him.

I wish you the best of luck.

--Jack
(17/m)

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