Alin75's advice column

Well the title pretty much says it all.

I've come back from uni for the summer and I was tidying up the spareroom and found a tape in the machine. So i know it probably wasn't right of me to watch it but it turns out it was porn! I looked in one of his draws and there's like 7 tapes in there!

I really don't know what to do, I want him to stop doing it. But i don't know what to say to anyone? Or whether i should say anything at all?

I don't think it would bother me so much if he wasn't over 65!!!!!!!!!!!! It's disgusting!! And it's really on my mind loads.

we are moving house soon, so i was thinking maybe i could 'misplace' them in a bin somewhere and he wouldn't notice?

thanks in advance...

Hey there.

I realise that the question was pretty thoroughly answered below, but I thought I would just chime in with my opinion.

First I do realise that this shocked you. I also read your feedback to the other columnists and I considered thoroughly if this was my own parent.

The problem is that most people don't like to think of their close family as sexual beings. Parents often shudder at the thought of their children having sex, and children shudder at the thought of their parents engaging in intimate relations. This situation is not exactly the same, but it goes along the same lines.

If a human being has sexual urges, why should it not be acceptable that they are dealt with providing that no one is harmed in the process? Let me turn this around. It is unfair for you to consider interfering with his life solely on the basis of your discomfort. I honestly don't mean to attack you, I probably would have the same feelings. But no matter how I twist and turn the moral equation in my head it arrives at the same result: it would be blatantly selfish to interfere.

As for his age, well, you have many people that are older and still have not lost their sex drive. Again, looking at it objectively this could be seen as a healthy and good thing.

You have asked the other columnists to see it as though it was their father. I believe we have. Now I ask you to do the opposite. Distance yourself from your immediate feelings and try to see this objectively. Generally, when evaluating a situation, its a disadvantage to be so emotionally involved. That is when one ends up doing things that one will come to regret.

As for misplacing the tapes... for the first thing they can easily be replaced. For the second thing if he realises you interfered (as Razhie said) it will make your relationship extremely awkward.

So please, just give it some time. I believe you will be able to come to terms with this, no matter how disturbing it is now. In any case, you risk making things much worse by rashly acting upon your feelings.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for providing an answer that's not rude, arrogant or aggressive. I appreciate that.
so thanks

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