about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.


I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.


Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.


Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.


I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.






advice

I have three children; Two boys and a girl. My oldest is 5 1/2 while my youngest just turned 1. I have a great marriage. We have been married almost 12 years. We have a little home in a nice suburb. My kids get along really well. I have a pretty happy life.

Before my husband and I got married we both discussed having 3 children. He is the eldest of 4. I am an only child. We both wanted a big family. At this point we should be just enjoing what we have made of our lives. Now that my daughter has just turned 1 my husband has made numerous comments about wanting another baby. Just a few weeks ago my 5 year old crawled into my lap and asked when we were going to bring home another baby. He loves his baby sister so much he wants another one. I asked what if he had another baby brother. He responded that would be okay too. So now that the bug has been put in my ear about it, I can't decide what to do.

My problem is my pregnancies gradually got worse with each one. I had joint problems that in my 3rd pregnancy required me walking intermittently on crutches toward the end. I am not the kind who particularly enjoys being pregnant. They were fairly uncomfortable and I was so happy when my 3rd was born because I "Never have to go through this again". I don't really want to go through child birth again. I don't want to deal with the recovery process again, all the blood work, the epidural, the doctor visits. We are incredibly responsible parents so if we did decide to have another I would "suffer" through all of this because it isn't about ME, it's about the health of the baby. I guess I want another baby... but I don't want to HAVE another baby.

The other issue we have is we have several friends who have children with "issues". Two have autism, one has something "like" cerebral palsy but has not actually been diagnosed with this, etc. We have been quite fortunate that I never had a known miscarriage and our kids are all healthy. Would we be tempting fate? My husband's sister has 5 kids who are all healthy but that doesn't mean we would!

Is there anyone out there who has several children and had this dilema of whether or not to have another? What did you decide to do and whatever that decision was, do you regret it or happy about it? I am a religious person so I have prayed about it. This was recent so I am still waiting for my answer. I thought while I was waiting I would get input from other women (or men too) who have been in this situation.

One last thing to add, I am going to be 31 this summer and while I still feel quite young in almost all aspects of life, I am starting to feel a bit old to be having babies. I realize I haven't hit that "danger zone" of 35. I just don't know if I am wanting another baby because I actually WANT 4 kids, or if I want another baby because I am hormonal about my last baby being 1, almost walking, turning into a real little kid and no longer a "baby".

Ok. I don't know if I have anything helpful to say, but I'll give it a shot.

I'm 31, this past April.
I have two children 13 months apart.
Both are boys.

We planned to have 3 kids. We stopped at 2.
Most important was financial. We can provide a better life for 2 than we could for 3.

After that was my misery. I had been pregnant for 2 years, I had rough pregnancies, I'm still dealing with postpartum depression, in fact, as my youngest is 15 months old. After much debate, we decided my getting a tubal ligation was the best choice for US.

So what is the best choice for you and your family? THAT is what you need to decide with your husband.

Can you afford the finance of another child?

And DO NOT take your friends' children into consideration when you make this decision. Autism, etc, is bad stuff, but the chances of it affecting your children is slim when you compare the national average to how many children there are in the USA.

Your friends and their children should NEVER come into play when you are making a choice about having children of your own. Why? Because you should have children to love unconditionally. If you are worrying over your friend's child with autism, then perhaps you shouldn't consider having more children.

Believe me when I say I know we all hope for healthy children, but when I was carrying mine, we never fretted over health issues. We would love them as they came. Obviously to us, our two were meant to be.

Please don't take this as me being cross with you, because that isn't the case. I'm just stating the facts as I know them.

If you want my best advice? You admit that you are yet hormonal...
WAIT.
Don't let hormones decide a decision that impacts the lives of so many, including the potential life of one who isn't thought of.
Make sure if you choose to bring that potential someone into the world that they are someone you really want to see.

Wait until your youngest is 2, then think about it, ok? Make sure this is something that you want for you, your family, your life.

ygs- 31/f

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(Rating: 5) Your point about waiting until our daughter is 2 is basically what we have decided. I don't want to be making this decision based on hormones. The child would be wanted and loved and well taken care of... I just don't know if I want to be pregnant again. So, hopefully in the next 12 months I will be able to make a more definite decision.

Thanks for your point of view. It was helpful.
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