Alin75's advice column

Okay, so, I'm 21 f. I'm a voice teacher. I was born Jewish, but my beliefs have melded into Agnosticism with a touch of Hindu over the years. One of my best students keeps gravitating towards all these "god-songs" (Think David Archuletta, Angels) as I call them, things that talk about believing in "the father" or "my Jesus," and it's really, REALLY getting on my nerves. This student is 23, by the way, so he's not a little kid. His parents are major Catholics (and they hate me).
I suppose I might also include that this guy is my ex-boyfriend-turned-best-friend. So I can't just drop him as a student. Besides, he's fantastic. He has nearly a four octave range full voice, and I enjoy listening to him sing. (Which actually says quite a bit, because I'm one of the harshest critics out there. I'm hard pressed to find any singers I actually enjoy listening to. I can always find something completely off-putting about their singing or their song choice.)
Anyway, my issue is this:
He wants to work on religious songs, and I feel like I can't condone it because I don't believe in "god", I don't feel comfortable with the term, and I just...I don't know. Those songs bother me quite a bit.
On the other hand, I feel I'm being a bit hypocritical because - and I hate to admit this - I sing for a church choir. BUT, I'm getting paid big bucks to do it, and the director has some crazy connections in the music world.
I'm not the most religious girl (obviously) but the one firm issue I have with the three big ones (Christianity, Muslim, and Judaism) are that they believe in this "Almighty God," and I just HATE it for some reason.
I'm not even sure why, but the idea of one of my students/friends singing something like that upsets me.
Anyone have any insight or suggestions?

Your situation is kind of tricky. From one agnostic to another, I must admit that you had me until the choir thing.

Now, I understand why you do it, but at the same time it really does ruin your options of taking an anti- religious stand with this guy. The thing about principles is that they cannot be bent when one can stand to gain from it. That is really what defines a principle in my opinion.

So, if you ever do approach your student with the issues that you have, he will quite rightly think you are being hypocritical.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand your frustration with the message in the music. I personally have a problem with any position that considers itself to be the ultimate truth, yet fails to provide one iota of proof. However, that does not change things.

This basically leaves us back at the beginning. You cannot confront this person and ask him to understand your feelings. Not while you are singing in a choir. The only message this would convey to him is that he is not as important to you as money is. Since that is the one major difference between the two situations. Worse yet actually, in the other scenario you are the one actually doing the singing.

This leaves you with the options that you listed, which implies determining which is more important to you- his friendship and having him as a student vs your dislike for hearing religious propaganda in song.

Personally I would take a hard look at my beliefs and reevaluate my position. Consistency is the most basic element in taking a stand. Without it, one cannot be taken seriously. For me this really is a choice between being in that choir or not.

I know this was not the greatest help to you, but that is how I would reason your situation.

Good luck.

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(Rating: 5) I didn't even think of the idea that it could convey to him that he's not as important to me as money. Wow, oops. Definitely not the case. Thank you for your answer, it was actually very helpful.

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