Alin75's advice column

Well, this guy and i have been messing around for about 3 years now. And hes 5 years older than me, but its become more intense. Like, now he wants me to sleep over and all that. But he has a girlfriend of two years, but he says he doesnt care about her. He basically just needs her for now because of work. Well, we are on the level of more than good friends and less than a couple, its confusing. I really have strong feelings about him, and i go over his house everynight and its not always about sex. I dont know if he is using me, and i really doubt it just because of how he acts towards me. I know he cares, but its like we cant be together right now because of our age difference and because i am 16. Am i a booty call? or is this all that can be at the moment? and until i become 18 this is all that can happen?

PLus, i stay over and we cuddle and all that.

idk, please any advice?

Well I will be totally honest, I don't think much of your relationship, and I have a hard time not feeling dislike towards your sort-of boyfriend.

First off, he has a girlfriend which he is blatantly using. He has done this with no remorse for two years. This should give you an indication of how he will deal with people whenever his interests conflict with what is morally right. Clearly, he has no problems with the whole concept of using another person for his own gain.

The whole notion of you not being together because of age sounds like the excuses married men make to have affairs. Dont get me wrong, its true that, when you were 13 (!!!!) and he was 18, that would have landed him in a world of trouble. But, at the same time, if he cared for you so much how come its not exclusive? A relationship can be secret and exclusive at the same time...

Whatever his justification for lying, cheating and disrespecting his current girlfriend is, I doubt that its not something he could have avoided in 2 years. And now I am actually playing along that it is somehow acceptable to use another human being in this way- which I categorically think it is NOT.

Let me tell you one other thing. Over the years I have had a lot of friends, mainly guys. I have been close to a number of them with extremely dubious ethics in regards to women.

Now, these guys were typically some of the most successful in that department as well, despite many (imo damn obvious) signals that the girls should have picked up on. Yet all of them made their women feel "so special", they all knew how to manipulate them emotionally to the point that they the warnings were right there- in plain sight. Yet they got away with it again and again.

I am not saying this is your boyfriend. But what I am saying is that my warning lights went on the minute I read through your description. There are times in life when logic and reason must "win" over one's desires and wishes. Are you sure you aren't seeing what you want to see? Why do you think that someone who can totally disregard another person's feelings, rights, and self respect (his girlfriend's) is actually a good person?

Thats all I can say to this. Do I, from this limited info, believe you are a booty call... oh yes. I have as little doubt as is possible from what I know.

I hope you work this out.

Good luck.

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(Rating: 5) the truth hurts huh? haha well thank you for being honest. I wrote you an email on your advicenator email, please look at it

Thanks again

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