Comrade's advice column

there was this cute boy in this really boring club with me. we would sit in back at the meetings and talk the whole time. talking turned to flirting. soon enough we were CONSTANTLY texting. he was the one who would start the conversations. he had never done anything with a girl before which i didnt understand considering how attractive he is, then again he is a germophobe. well eventually i started to like him alot, and we admitted to liking each other. he would constantly be texting me and saying cute things but tennis invaided most of his time so we wouldnt get to chill till summer but it was okay cause it was the end of the year. he would aleays go on and on about how strongly he felt and how he didnt really know what to say since he hadnt ever been with anyone but that i was really important to him. like he went over the top a little. things with us werent public at all. finally we hung out the weekend before the last week of school and believe me, he was nothing of a germophobe. we talked about becomming official and the next time we chilled he asked me to be his girl and we ended up doing some sexual stuff... we hooked up, i gave him hand and he fingered me. all of which were things he insisted on. well anyways the next day he had people over and didnt even invite me and then he said we were moving to fast and that we should go back to just seeing each other but not being official yet. i was crushed. the texts continues where he either said sweet things or told me how horny i make him. then i left for camp for over a month. i came back and he no longer wanted me. i was crushed beyond belief. one of my friends who is also friends with him texted him asking why he didnt wanna be with me anymore and he said he never was. he wouldnt talk to me. i hated him. finally we started talking as friends. school ended up starting and i decided to find out the truth from him of why he acted how he did. he really is a nice kid and not one to play games and according to everyone he had really liked me. well he told me he never liked me at all and asked to still be friends. HAH! i cried and i let him affect me for so long thinking i wasnt good enough and feeling used. he hasnt been with enyone else this full year and ive heard more and more about his germophobia. apparently he told some people the reason he ended things with me and him is because of his fear of germs getting the worst of him. i dont know what i think. do you think he liked me ever? did he just use me even though he really isnt that type of guy? if so why would he go out of his way just to hurt me? and why do i want to be friends with him so bad again?

I can't say if he ever liked you or not. From the information you've presented, it makes it sound like he was just using you, or that he's a guy that can't control himself and his labito. I highly doubt he went out of his way to hurt you. However, it's pretty obvious that he has little regard for your feelings. In any case, he definately doesn't sound like a guy who doesn't play games--this germophobia story sounds like absolute crap. Whatever "everyone" is telling you, they're either lying to you or believe his crap just as much as you did.

In my experience, taking "steps back" in a relationship usually isn't a sound idea. For better or for worse, what's done is done, and nothing can undo it. As the great Soviet General Secretary Josef Stalin said to his troops fighting in World War II against the Nazis, "Not one step back, Comrades!" I find the same applys in relationships.

As for why you still want to be friends, I don't know. Typically, girls who have been...ahm..."messed up" (Divorced parents, abused or molested as a child, etc) tend to seek out guys they know will hurt them, or have hurt them before. For example, many notorious mass-murders get hundreds of love letters in the mail while in prison. Note that I'm NOT saying you're "messed up". I know nothing about your past. It's just something worth noting and thinking about. It's more likely you still feel a connection with him for having spent that time together, or maybe he's just THAT good looking. I don't know. This is the kind of thing you need to answer for yourself.

[view]

(Rating: 5) thanks for the help but he really honestly is a germaphobe. like everyone knows it and the people that know what we did are surprised about it.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>