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I'm 21 years old, have had my share of different types of relationships so I enjoy answering love life questions. Whether it's about getting closer emotionally or physically don't hesitate to ask, hopefully I'll be able to help. I also love the medical field and will be a registered nurse soon. If you have any questions regarding a recent medical diagnosis (don't ask for one please, not a doctor) I can help you better understand it and the treatment as well
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My husband (married for 16 year) for the past few months have a horrible problem with my son. He ignores him completly, does not talk to him at all, and if my son does not do something he will call him names and put him down or call my son name to me.
I love my husband and he is good to me but since my son has made quite few mistakes in his life I am just between two of them. I must add that my husband is a person with many rules and kind of "black or white". My son has made a few very stupid decisions lately like moving out a day after turning 17, drinking, ignoring us on the street around his friends, lying, failing school and playing us that he wants to stay in school and many other but really felling almost everything. Now my son is back at home now and he does not want to move out but things are bad since my husband does not want to discipline him so it's just me and because of that he blames me for eveything. We fight with my husbnad constantly about my son. I just have enough of listing to it. For example a couple of days ago my son has lost another key to our house this would be probably the 5th time and I did not even tell my husband. My son just is very irresponsible and inmature. He does not care about things or money and this is completley against my husband's way of living.
What should I do, I have enough of fights, enough of my son's lying and lazyiness but at the same time I love him I cannot just kick him out. At the same time I do not want to distroy my relationship with my husband. We have tried to set up some rules for my son but he does not follow them.
thank you.
I know you love your son but its time for him to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He is 17 if you make rules for him and he doesn't follow them threaten to kick him out or take something away from him at the least. You are just letting him run over you. I understand where your husband is coming from he is also getting run overred by your son and can't do much about it if you don't back him up. Do whats best for you and your son he needs to grow up, go to school, move out when he is finished. You don't want your son living with you when he is 30 years old because to me it looks like thats where you are headed. You also need to think about your marriage it's not looking so good right now. I can promise you right now by making this decision on being more strict on your son you will see a big difference there will be no more fighting and both you and your husband will go back to the way it was before your son started making bad decisions.
Best of luck
(Rating: 5) Thank you very much for you advises and suggestions. I just want to mention that my son is 18 years old.
Setting up rules it's extramly hard in my house since my son broke all the rules the day he moved out a year ago for 2 months. This is the time where my team with my husband fell apart as well since I really wanted him back home where my husband wanted him to stay longer to learn more harder lesson. He came back home but my son knows that I wanted him back so now he thinks that he can play some adult role in our home and he just does what he wants sometimes.
Creating a new team with my husband now it's not so easy since my husband's rules for my son now are rules like for a child 12 years old. Maybe he is right and maybe we should try that way but I also feel bad when he tells my son to be home at 11:00 pm home on the weekend or 9:00 pm during the week or the door will be locked. Another major problem in my household is that my husband and I are very clean and organized people where my son does not care about anythihg now. He just changed the day he moved back with us. I can basiclly say that my son could be very easily influance by his friends and he will do anything just to prove that to them. My husband always points out things to me about my son's room, dishes on the floor and so on but he will not talk to him himself and when I talk to my son he will say "I will do it" but then he fergets.
I have threatend my son that I will kick him out but I think he knows me better than I know myself that I love him way too much and I will never do that.
Thank you again.