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Q: i've been through alot, and i know everybody has their issues but my homelife is an absolute mess, always has been really. but i know everybody has their own battles to fight and my whole life i've covered up whatever i was going though by being really outgoing and cracking jokes. nobody ever thinks i might be going through something because im always laughing
but when i met my boyfriend two years ago he just made me so comfortable and he makes me really really happy. he is like me always looking on the upside of things. the problem is we've been dating for a long while now and i find myself confiding in him for EVERYTHING. i call him crying, i talk about how foster care used to be and about my dad. I never got to talk to anybody about this but he's the closest person to me.
the problem is i've confided in him for years now and he knows everything, but i still feel the need to talk about it. he has never made a comment about it or even hinted that it bothered him but im starting to realize i always ruin his good mood. i feel like i am constantly raining on his parade when i make comments about that and i dont want to live like that, i want to make him happy i love him.
so my question is, how can i remember to be more optomistic about things and be a little bit more happy. this depressing funk im going through isn't helping out relationship
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Talk and find out more about him. I know you know about him already, but when you feel like you are going to talk about those kind of things, then stop yourself and ask him how he feels about random things or if he has anything to share. Try to draw out the conversation for as long as you can and not to involve and negative details.
I know its nice to have a comforting person there by your side, and even more so somebody who is willing to listen. It is very good that you realized that, because sometimes I feel like not enough people realize how depressing they might be on other people. I know everyone has problems and goes through a lot, but it shouldn't be 60%+ of what you talk about. If you do mention something negative, try to balance it by finding something, anything positive to talk about. You're making a great move.
Also you can talk to him about it and try to have him help you. Of course, he might say that its fine and that he doesn't mind it, but whether he does or doesn't say that, ask him to help you be more optimistic, and that if you ever go into a rant have him stop you. If you establish that then maybe it will be easier on him to have you stop if you overboard and will be easier on you because then you know when you need to swing the mood. Hope that helped and good luck.
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bio
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Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.
I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.
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Info
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Gender: Male Location: New York Occupation: Student Age: 18 Member Since: August 10, 2005 Answers: 674 Last Update: July 10, 2009 Visitors: 54793
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