mn731's advice column

Alpha female, always tries her hardest, analyzes the situation too much, overthinks what the other person says, tries to please others, stresses easily, high achiever, loooooves to laugh. I'm still learning the facts of life, but I can always share my mistakes and lessons learned. :)

I'm always willing to listen/lend a helping hand. Inbox me and I will be sure to get to you as soon as I can.

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advice

Sooo i have this freind who hurt me really bad....for discreation purposes lets just call him "C".

I just dont know what to do! He was a great freind and then almost overnight he despised me! It hurts to see the anger in his eyes, almost enough to forgive him for all the awful things he said and did to me. I am not one who holds grudges too long however if i forgive him for this wont i jsut be a push over, and who can forget the cruel things of the past? I know "sticks and stones break your bones but words can never hurt you", but personally that motto is overrated, words can be painful and leave scars.

School is about to start and i will have to see "c" several times a day!

What should i do?? Play the good guy and forgive and forget?? Or stand up for myself..and refuse to forget until there is a true feeling of remorse from him??

:)

Well, it seems as if neither of ya'll are willing to give in to the situation. Unfortunately, "forgiving and forgetting" is not as easy as it sounds. Don't go through the school year worrying about him...because then you will always be on the look out for him, and that will make you self-conscious and leave you with little time to actually enjoy your high school years. I don't think you should play "the good guy," as you have mentioned..because, why should you? If "C" hurt you THAT much, why should YOU be the one to apologize to him? Standing up for yourself could be an option, but how would he react? Does he feel the same way. You need to figure out how HE feels about the situation and look at how he reacted from his standpoint. Holding on to a grudge is something you do not want to do. Trust me, it weighs you down, and will make you feel horrible 95% of the time.

Although from what you have told me, it seems like it is HIS fault...did you ever think it could possibly be yours? Think about it...what did you do to him? If it's something stupid, and he hurt you over it, then he's not a real friend if he's not willing to patch it up. Stay neutral right now...because over time, things will straighten out. "C" needs to grow up and learn to get off HIS high horse and apologize. ;)

If you are infact, the victim in this situation, don't APOLOGIZE...wait it out because a REAL friend will overcome anything, no matter how big the obstacle.

What if HE is feeling the same way you are feeling? Look at his viewpoint..do you agree? Or can you find a reason to disagree?

Let him know how you're feeling. If you've already done so, how was his reaction? I am assuming it wasn't so great, since you are asking for my advice...All I can say is wait it out. Don't do anything else if you've done all that you've can. Best of Luck!

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for you input! You have made me attempt to view his perspective however it might take some time! I might have hurt him unattentionally, however, he hurt me vise versa....which is worse? I will have to become neautral as you said, switcherland in this case and evaluate it on both sides! Thank you for your time! You were very enlighting!

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