Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22462
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My brother and I were very close ,I always knew everything about me and vicea versa but since we move to Holland (he came fisrt than us) we grew apart...to my surprise he told us that he was gone married some church girl in june ....I talked to him and I notice that he was not ready to get married yet so I told him he should wait,
He told me that he still sleeps with another girl (my ex best friend)and he was to dump this girl 1 monthg before he get married and that he would not tell a word to this girl about his marriage...I didn't agree...I even tried to talk him out of his idea but he didn't listen ..
He married last month.....
Today I got a phone call from my brother telling me that he wants to divorce and that he thinks he is madly in love with another girl(my ex best friend)The point is that his wife went trough his stuff seeking found out about the other girl,She called her and told her to leave my brother alone because he was married....
His wife even went back to her parents and the other girl don't even want to see him again..
I know my brother was wrong and he agree
My point is that his wife knew he wasn't one woman man and still she agreed to marry him ..she told him that she will pray for things to change after they marry eachother ..Now she went telling lies about my brother to the whole familie .....Half of the family don't even talk to him anymore....
Concerning the other girl (ex best friend)she really didn't know he was gone marry....At first
she was kinda having a sex affair with my brother because her mother don't like poor people (only people with high class and good education ,that isa why I am not her friend anymore)Than she broke up with her bf to be with my brother and they felt really in love with eachother but than my brother didn't tell her about the marriage
SHe got really mad and told him: that she was using him all this time and that she didn't love him a bit and that she never broke up with her bf
She told him that he deserve to be burried alive and that she hopes that he never will be happy..
Than she called me and told me what my brother did to her (we talked to eachother about 2 years ago)I told her that I don't know what to say ..
My brother cried a lot I did't
have any words to tell him that everything will be alright
I know he was very wrong but I can't see him like this after all he is my brother and one off
my best friend
What can I say to him to take some of the pain away??..what can I do? (link)
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Hi
You sound like a very caring sister...your brother is lucky to have you.
I hope I don't come across as being too harsh when I say this, but what your brother is going through right now are the consequences to the actions that he chose to take.
Life decisions can be very hard to deal with, but that's exactly what they are....our decisions. No one forced him to marry a woman he didn't love. The fact that his wife knew he wasn't a one woman man when she married him still gives him no right to do what he did.
I think your brother needs to do some soul searching and figure out exactly what he wants and needs in his own life. Until he figures it out, he shouldn't involve anyone else in his life romantically.
Unfortunately there's really nothing you can say to him to take his pain away. He needs to realize that he and only he dictates what happens in his life, and if he makes the wrong decisions, then he and only he will have to deal with them.
Just continue to be there for him. Letting him talk to you and tell you how he feels can really help him heal.
Take care,
Brenda
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