I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
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22 Female.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we are very much in love with eachother and fancy eachother. Sex has always been very difficult and painful for me, and such a huge struggle, but earlier this year it did become easier.
It's just this year, i haven't wanted anything sexual, a few times this year ive gone through spells of 3-4 days when all i've wanted to do is sexual things with him, but the rest of the time i always knock him back or if he touches me i move his hand away.
I do want to have sex, it's just such an ordeal with the pain and the time it takes for my body to be ready, and i dont get turned on during sex and it takes a while for me to be turned on in foreplay and i really aren't giving it enough time because i keep pushing him away.
i dont know whats wrong with me, i do suffer terribly with depression so we think it could be that, aswell as everyday on-going physical and mental illnesses.
I know he gets frustrated and has though it's because i dont famcy him but i do, i think he's gorgeous and i love him so much.
i just want to understand why i do this, and if there are anyways to get me "in the mood" and find my labido and just enjoy it without turning him down all the time.
thank you (link)
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You have my sympathies. I actually have exactly the same problem. It's not that you don't enjoy it at all, it's just that it REALLY hurts and it puts you off doing it!!
I expect the reason you don't really enjoy it as much as you should is because you're so geared up towards expecting it to hurt that you can't relax into it. After all, it's hard to enjoy something when you know it will be painful. Perhaps the depression does play a part but I have to admit, your problem sounds more physical than it does mental. I suspect that if you weren't in pain every time you had sex, you would be able to enjoy the whole bedroom experience much more.
I would recommend you try lube but if it really hurts that much, I don't think that would help enough.
Now, I have heard of a condition called Vaginismus, which may well be what is causing you problems. It's not uncommon by any means and after doing a quick Google search I found the following website:
http://www.vaginismus.com/
It might be a good idea if you and your boyfriend have a look through the information. It's important also that you note under the "What Is It?" page that it says "It is not triggered deliberately or intentionally by the woman but rather happens unconsciously."
Please don't worry about this. According to the website, there is treatment available and it gives you hints as to how to make sex easier.
If you need to talk about it at all, please feel free to send me a message.
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Rating: 5
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thankyou. it is vaginismus that i have, me and my boyfriend have researched it alot when we were stuggling to do anything.
i just wasnt sure if i still have it because sex has become abit easier when we have done it, it took alot of time and patience though.
i'm glad someone else knows what it is and understands :-)
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