Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22479
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Okay, so I'm pretty much a hardcore soccer player. I play it often. But my mom is always thinking she knows so much about it, and I tell you she doesn't.
She yells at me for stupid mistakes, for everything that goes wrong in our house, and finds ways to call me a loser, loner, and that I suck at stuff, without actually saying it. She's called me a bitch so many times I couldn't count. But my real question is, is what she doing really abuse?
People have told me it was, but I just don't know anymore. She did physically abuse me ages 7-10, maybe that's why I'm not sure or not. And I've been depressed, at least I think a lot. She's making me want to quit soccer from all the camps and stress. And many of my close soccer friends are scared of that because I'm that one girl on the team who puts on a good additude, never gives up, gives it her all, knows what she needs to fix, and would miss what is important to her just to play. And I also go outside and practice often. And I just can't play well anymore and starting not to love it.
so is it abuse?
any help or advice would be amazing. (link)
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Hi
Abuse comes in many different ways, and I would say that you are definitely being emotionally abused by your mother.
You didn't mention how old you are, but is there a guidance counsellor at your school that you could talk to about this? If not, how about a teacher, or your family doctor. Maybe even another adult family member that you trust.
Sounds to me that your mother is jading your experience with soccer which is so sad, because I can tell that you love it. Don't stop playing...it's a way that you can enjoy yourself and be around friends...an outlet to what you are going through at home.
You need to involve an adult in your situation. Just fighting with your mother will get you nowhere, and you deserve to be treated better.
I wish you luck, and try not to give your mom the satisfaction of taking away the one thing that matters to you....soccer.
Brenda
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Rating: 5
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thank you. I understand what you're saying, and many people tell me that, but it's hard to talk to an adult I trust about it, I'm 14 by the way.
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