I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
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my boyfriend has been an utter jerk to me lately. i dont know what to do. i found out a bunch of lies he been holdin out on me. but i cant break up with him because hes the father of my child- i just dont know what to do with him anymore. all he wants to do is hang out with his guys while i sit at home pregnant and in a crappy mood. hes blaming his ignorance on me, and says that im becoming the type of person he doesnt want to be around anymore. what in the world can i do to let him know tha its NOT all me, and that pregnancy CAUSES YOU TO HAVE MOODSWINGS???!!! hes jsut not gtting the concept. (link)
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I have never been pregnant, so I can't truly understand how you feel right now but I can imagine it must be a very tricky situation.
I think that really there are two different ways to look at this. From your point of view, I truly believe that he needs to be more understanding because he is using seeing his friends as a way of escaping the current situation and he can only do that for so long. Sooner or later, he will have to accept he IS going to be a Father.
That being said, I understand that hormones will be wreaking havoc with you right now and between morning sickness and finding out that none of your old clothes fit, it's a little hard to stay calm all the time. However, it might do you some good to try and relax a little bit (difficult I know with all this going on but it sounds as if you need it right now)and try to view things from a different perspective, just to work out if you really are treating him unfairly. I'm not saying what he is doing to you is right at all, so please don't think that but what I am saying is that around 'that time of the month', when PMS kicks in, there's a lot less hormonal change but we can still treat our men VERY unreasonabley (I know I do!!). Basically, you need to work out if you have been unfair to him.
I say this because you need to talk to him about the whole situation. My concern is that from the way he is walking out to go with friends rather than looking after you right now, he might not be ready for Fatherhood yet. The problem with this is that like it or not, it's coming and he needs to accept this. If he can't, however much you might not want to break up with him, you might have to for your sake and the sake of your baby. I know that might sound stupid, because after all, every baby should have a Father but in the long run, when you're having to do 3 time a night feeds and dealing with colic, you need to make sure you have someone there to support you and not someone who is going to make your life harder. You have one baby on the way, you don't need to be dealing with another.
However harsh it may sound, I think that you need to try to control your emotions a little more (I'm sorry but you might find that if you can control the mood swings, things might be easier) and he needs to grow up and realise that this baby is going to need him. So have a chat with him about it and promise you will try to work on the mood swings as long as he promises to stop going out with his friends all the time rather than dealing with his responsibilities. If he can't accept that, believe me, you will be better off with him gone because after that baby arrives, a man who behaves like that will be the last thing you will want to deal with.
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Rating: 5
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thanks so much. i like that you told me how it is from both perspectives. keep givin great advice!
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