Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22503
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My friend of 30 years asked me to help with a situation that involved her 22 year old daughter. The girl (Brandy) left her "good" boyfriend, quit her high salary job, gave up her apartment to travel around the country camping, hiking and living off the land, with a 25 year old guy she met 6 months ago. Brandy recently died her hair purple, and got several facial peircings. She told her mom about a couple of injuries where the mechanism didn't make sense, and we all--Brandy's parents-sibling and I got a bad feeling from the new boyfriend.
Without Brandy's permission we came up with the idea of doing a background check on the bf, and it came back really bad! Several assaults..domestic and otherwise, one which included prison time because it was assault with a deadly weapon. Broken restraining orders, harrassment, interuption of a 911 call, theft, DUI, no license, no insurance etc. Now mind you the young man has no money and they are traveling with her money. So our gut instinct was right..or even more right than we imagined.
We confronted Brandy with the info, that she apparently didn't know. We talked to her about domestic abuse. Tried to convince her not to go and she rebelled. She says it was crossing the line and his background was none of our business.(or her's either for that matter)
Now she says it is all her Mother's fault, because she can't love this man the way she should, but she still left with him. Did I mention my friend found bottles of drugs prescribed to others and pot in his backpack?
No one could stop her from leaving with him, but she did promise to call every day. So now that she is angry, we still want her to keep in touch and have a safety net in friends and family, but how?
The ideal situation would be that she just come home and start over! (link)
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Hi
That's a rough situation!!
This same thing happened with my family regarding me. When I was 18, I met a guy who was travelling through my city. I knew him for two weeks and decided to move half way across the country with him. I packed my life into ONE bag, and away I went.
My family and friends were stunned!! None of them could believe that I was doing this. They all disliked Rick, and felt something wasn't quite right with him. Boy were they right!!!
As soon as we arrived in HIS city, his true colors began to show. He was an alcoholic, and very abusive...physically, mentally, and sexually.
My family tried so hard to convince me to come home, but I was "in love" with him (stupid, young, and inexperienced love).
Over the next year, I began to realize what I had gotten myself into, and was desperate to leave. Because my family had always been so supportive of me, I was able to call them and ask for help. They got me home.
So, with all that being said, there are a limited number of things your friend can do. #1 - always be there for her when she phones to talk about problems, good times, whatever. There ALWAYS has to be open communication. #2 - try not to constantly bash him when talking to her. That will only make her want to stick up for him. #3 - pray to God that nothing tragic will happen to her before she realizes what kind of person he is.
She will realize it...hopefully sooner rather than later. She needs to come to the conclusion all on her own, so when she says good-bye to him, it will be her decision, and she will want to stay far, far away from him forever.
Good luck, and your friend is lucky to have you to confide in.
Brenda
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for the feedback with a similar situation.
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