About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
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i'm 15. almost 16. my special someone is 17. almost 18. our birthday are in the next two months. where I live it's ilegal for a 18 yr. old to date anyone under the age of 16 and i'm not quite there yet. but we've agreed we're not going to let that stop us. my mom doesn't let me go out with him because last week she decided that he's a loser because he droped out of school. and she thinks he's too old for me. my someone and i have been together for 8 months and i would do anything for him and we have a undying love for each other. but it's getting so hard and now he's listening to peoples opinions and wants to break up with me because he doesn't want to try anymore. i know i could have tried more instead of trying to find someone else. but now i regreat it. i know that if i convence him that we can do this then we can make it.. i just have to get him to see that we're supposed to be together any suggestions?
feel free to ask me any questions about this
It sounds as if your situation has many different layers, which makes everything more difficult.It also sounds as if one or two of these facets to the problem could be erased, leaving a clearer picture, so let's do some debunking!
For a start, I could be wrong here but I doubt that it's illegal for the two of you to date:what I imagine is illegal is for you to have sex.Which brings us on to wondering what you mean by saying "I know I could have tried more". Tried to do what? If he was pressuring you into sex, then you were right not to give in. However, it doesn't sound that way from your question. It sounds more as if he has a low self esteem and is demoralised(which is probably why he dropped out of school) and therefore is insecure in your love for him. It's a sad fact of life that the less we trust people to love us, the less they will be able to-doubt is an almost insurmountable barrier, and the belief that our partners will betray us can all too easily become a self-fullfilling prophecy. You in fact hint that you DID try to find someone else, which thickens the mix-doesn't mean that you can't sort the situation out.
So the dynamic between you and your boyfriend is your first problem. The next(though lesser) one is obviously your mother. What you need to do here is clear, simple, and almost impossible(but it has to be done if you're to save your relationship). You need to sit her down and tell her that you're a big girl who can make her own decisions, and that you love your boyfriend and her intefering will alienate you from HER and not from HIM. Just tell it to her straight-it won't be easy, but she has no right to interfere, two years isn't that big a difference, even at your young age.
It goes without saying that you also need to talk to your boyfriend. Don't apologize for anything, or try to explain the past:just concentrate on the future, and how you hope you guys will have one. It sounds to me as if you two have come a long way. Don't let fear. either yours or his, ruin it now!
If something in this pile of waffle helped you, then I'm happy. Please get in touch again anytime, to ask further advice or just to let me know how it all went.
Take care,
Lucretia.
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(Rating: 5)
thank you so much you have no idea how much that helped
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