About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
Visitors: 18305
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13/f
I have a really big and annoying problem: I pretty much like every guy I come across. It's really annoying... all I do is stare at them. And it's not just guys from school! It's celebrities too. I'm so tired of it; I feel like I can't concentrate. I've had a boyfriend before, but I dumped him because he wasn't a good boyfriend. Does this have anything to do with it? What should I do?
Yes, I do sympathise, you have a terrible problem-it's called being 13. I'm not trying to patronise you, but you are still so young: I was exactly like that at your age. Still am now, to a certain extent. I'll let you in to a little secret: there's no such person as "the one". In life, we rub up against many people on a daily basis, many of whom are interesting, beautiful, kind and charming, yet none of whom are perfect. Which is not to say that you should stay with a bad boyfriend(in any case, 13 is far too young to settle down, except in a few EXTREMELY rare cases, of which I am sure from your question you are not one). You do however have to develop an idea of what is important to you in a relationship, what qualities you prioritise. Everyone should have a list of non-negotiables, and stick to them. One excellent book is "If I'm so wonderful, why am I still single?", by Susan Page.While it doesn't tell you as such how to distract yourself from men, it does suggest how best to zero in on the ones who are worthwhile.In the meantime, good luck! and enjoy your early adolesence. Sometimes I wish I was still where you are ;-)
Take care,
Lucretia.
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(Rating: 5)
Thank you so much. That was really great advice.
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