About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
Visitors: 18256
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see, every month, I get a new guy telling me he loves me, wants me, and needs me. But it's never the guy I want. I seem to be very attractive to lots of guys, but never to the ones I find attractive. So I've been told about books like "CATCH HIM AND KEEP HIM" "THE RULES" "GET THE GUY" "WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES" and so on, books on how to get THE guy. And I'm considering buying one, so my question is, has anyone ever bought a book like this? was it good/easy to understand? did it give you specifik tips on what to do? did they work if you tried them? Just anything you can tell me about it and what book it was. Thaaank yooouu! ♥
Aha! An excellent question. And one that I have asked myself many, many times. You are, however, unlikely to like my answer, which is that while I think that some of the principles on which these books are based are sound, following them will not necessarily make for a better or happier relationship. I will now be more specific, and take an in depth look at two of the books you have mentioned, those are "The Rules" and "Catch Him and Keep Him"(the other two I have heard of, but not read-I have not in fact read CHaKH but I until recently used to recieve free emails from its author Christian Carter.
The Rules: Nevermind the hype, the conventions, the scandal surrounding Ellen Fein's divorce. Truth is, The Rules are based on solid fact. Some of them are unpleasant or downright fascisitc-I particularly resent the one which tells women that they must look "cute" to score a guy-plus the one commanding that you put on makeup even to take the trash out is downright hilarious. Still, the axiom "flee and they follow,follow and they flee" is not just some marketing ploy-it's atavism,hotwired into our gentetic makeup. One obvious fact, which "The Rules" neccesarily ignores is that this axiom applies every bit as much to women as to men. I say "neccesarily" because if they pointed that out, women might start to realise that it is in fact the thrill of the chase as much as the desired man himself that stirs their blood:in short, that they are in love with love , excitement, an endorphin rush, call it what you will. That is certainly why many women who say they crave a stable and loving realtionship then refuse the very men who would offer them that.I know that to be true of me-from the sound of it , it is also true of you. Thus, I wouldn't say that "The Rules" don't work-up to a point, they probably do(although I don't believe the one about not accepting a Saturday date after Wednesday- I think that's a myth.The one about not calling is however pretty sound). All I would say is to beware that reading them does not mesmerise you into believing that you can have a "perfect" relationship with the man of your dreams-remember that part of what you like about your "attractive" men is their unattainablity-if those men were to declare undying love, would you not perhaps, after the initial ecstacy become a little bored? Just a thought. Remember how young you are!
I now move on to "Catch Him and Keep Him". The fragment I read from this book made me really angry, as it seemed to me to reek of misogyny, as well as to contradict itself on numerous occasions. Christian Carter talks blithely of his early conquests of women whom he had " tricked" into bed, after which he had dropped them. It's as if he set himself up as a testmaster , with women as his unknowing examinees. Finally, so he said, he met a woman who made him respect her. Now he wants to let all us lucky gals into the secret. Don't fall for it! No man who thinks that way has a word to write that is worth reading. Having said that, I did until recently subscribe to his free emails(I was going through a phase of obsessing over a particularly undesirable ex of mine). The point about CHaKH is that it appeals to women's insecurity , at the same time as testifying to men's. I would say that it was probably an interesting read, as long as you don't try to put its advice into practice.
And that is what I would say in conclusion about many of these popular self-help books: that they are a fine read, and to a certain extent perhaps help improve many people's lives. Just don't take them for gospel, and read them with an eye to extracting the common sense which is oftentimes buried beneath the rubble of mantras and assertions that are their trademark.
I'm sorry this answer was so long, but your question raised many issues which I have been longing to discuss or see discussed on this site. If you have a further question, please drop it in my inbox.
Good luck,
Lucretia
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(Rating: 5)
wow girl you're AWESOME ♥ has anyone ever told you - you should become a writer?!!
Good luck and thanx for caring enough to write that much ;) ♥
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