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getting the guy YOU want, not the one who wants YOU
see, every month, I get a new guy telling me he loves me, wants me, and needs me. But it's never the guy I want. I seem to be very attractive to lots of guys, but never to the ones I find attractive. So I've been told about books like "CATCH HIM AND KEEP HIM" "THE RULES" "GET THE GUY" "WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES" and so on, books on how to get THE guy. And I'm considering buying one, so my question is, has anyone ever bought a book like this? was it good/easy to understand? did it give you specifik tips on what to do? did they work if you tried them? Just anything you can tell me about it and what book it was. Thaaank yooouu! ♥
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
No matter how many books you buy you can't make anyone like you.
If you like the guy then show him and tell him you like him. Treat him a little better than the rest of the guys. If he likes you then he will probably do the same. But if he doesn't then unfortunately you just have to move on.
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No I've never bought one of those books.
But you know what, if you dont give guys a chance, then you'll never know. Because looks are definitly not everything, once you start to love a guy - he starts looking better and better, and he is special & attractive to you in your own way.
And most likely if a guy is telling you every month that he 'loves,wants,needs -you' that he probably doesnt. He is probably saying it because he finds you attractive, because if they hardly know you then they shouldnt feel any of that towards you.
I think that you just need to be patient and a little bit more open minded about guys, and its not what they look like all, its what is inside that counts the most.
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Aha! An excellent question. And one that I have asked myself many, many times. You are, however, unlikely to like my answer, which is that while I think that some of the principles on which these books are based are sound, following them will not necessarily make for a better or happier relationship. I will now be more specific, and take an in depth look at two of the books you have mentioned, those are "The Rules" and "Catch Him and Keep Him"(the other two I have heard of, but not read-I have not in fact read CHaKH but I until recently used to recieve free emails from its author Christian Carter.
The Rules: Nevermind the hype, the conventions, the scandal surrounding Ellen Fein's divorce. Truth is, The Rules are based on solid fact. Some of them are unpleasant or downright fascisitc-I particularly resent the one which tells women that they must look "cute" to score a guy-plus the one commanding that you put on makeup even to take the trash out is downright hilarious. Still, the axiom "flee and they follow,follow and they flee" is not just some marketing ploy-it's atavism,hotwired into our gentetic makeup. One obvious fact, which "The Rules" neccesarily ignores is that this axiom applies every bit as much to women as to men. I say "neccesarily" because if they pointed that out, women might start to realise that it is in fact the thrill of the chase as much as the desired man himself that stirs their blood:in short, that they are in love with love , excitement, an endorphin rush, call it what you will. That is certainly why many women who say they crave a stable and loving realtionship then refuse the very men who would offer them that.I know that to be true of me-from the sound of it , it is also true of you. Thus, I wouldn't say that "The Rules" don't work-up to a point, they probably do(although I don't believe the one about not accepting a Saturday date after Wednesday- I think that's a myth.The one about not calling is however pretty sound). All I would say is to beware that reading them does not mesmerise you into believing that you can have a "perfect" relationship with the man of your dreams-remember that part of what you like about your "attractive" men is their unattainablity-if those men were to declare undying love, would you not perhaps, after the initial ecstacy become a little bored? Just a thought. Remember how young you are!
I now move on to "Catch Him and Keep Him". The fragment I read from this book made me really angry, as it seemed to me to reek of misogyny, as well as to contradict itself on numerous occasions. Christian Carter talks blithely of his early conquests of women whom he had " tricked" into bed, after which he had dropped them. It's as if he set himself up as a testmaster , with women as his unknowing examinees. Finally, so he said, he met a woman who made him respect her. Now he wants to let all us lucky gals into the secret. Don't fall for it! No man who thinks that way has a word to write that is worth reading. Having said that, I did until recently subscribe to his free emails(I was going through a phase of obsessing over a particularly undesirable ex of mine). The point about CHaKH is that it appeals to women's insecurity , at the same time as testifying to men's. I would say that it was probably an interesting read, as long as you don't try to put its advice into practice.
And that is what I would say in conclusion about many of these popular self-help books: that they are a fine read, and to a certain extent perhaps help improve many people's lives. Just don't take them for gospel, and read them with an eye to extracting the common sense which is oftentimes buried beneath the rubble of mantras and assertions that are their trademark.
I'm sorry this answer was so long, but your question raised many issues which I have been longing to discuss or see discussed on this site. If you have a further question, please drop it in my inbox.
Good luck,
Lucretia
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