Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22495
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I'm going to get tested for STIs/STDs with my boyfriend. He's my first sexual partner, so if I have anything it would be from him. He has been sexually active for several years though, and about 4 years ago he had unprotected sex with 2 successive girlfriends, who he thinks may have been quite promiscuous.
So, there's a chance he could have something that hasn't shown up yet, i.e. HIV (I heard it can take up to 10 years to show).
If he has HIV and has passed it to me, I'd really rather not know as I think it would be the end of our relationship, and he is my absoloute soulmate.
So, my question is, if we both have HIV does it matter if we sleep together - it won't make it any worse surely? (link)
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Hi
First of all...good for you for taking the steps to get tested!!! Alot of people don't.
If you do have HIV (which I truly hope you don't), then you need to know. Refusing to find out is surely a death sentence for you, and possibly other people who you may have contact with down the road.
Treatment for HIV has come a long way, and people can still live long, productive lives while fighting this disease.
Why do you think it would be the end of your relationship? If you truly are soul mates, then you will be able to work through this.
If you both have HIV, then sleeping together won't make it any worse, but you need to know, to protect yourself and others down the road.
With all this being said, wait till you get the test results back and if you do have any STD's, then your doctor is the best person to give you any kind of advice.
Take care,
Brenda
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for your sensitive answer. I talked to him about it, and he asked if I would hate him if he had given me HIV, and I said I could never hate him. So I'm going to ask for the HIV test. Thanks again.
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