Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22490
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I was really excited last wednesday because a male friend of mine that I havent seen in 7 months came over to my place to visit me. We had been friends for a couple of years and then he had to move 1200 miles away for a job. We had been staying in touch via email. I always thought we would end up together. Well I was very disapointed when he came to visit me. For one thing; I had a birthday gift for him and he didnt even give me a card! Our birthdays are one week apart and every other year we would exchange gifts. Then he said sarcastically " woman always need attention". He also asked me if I wanted kids. He KNOWS I do; I told him several times. I snapped that of course I did. Then before he left he said the next time he came up we should fool around in my appartment.
He's turned into a complete jerk! He knows I'm not that kind of girl- I want to save myself for marriage. It also told me a lot about his character too. Why would ask me about wanting kids if he already knew the answer? He is in his 40's and has never had his own kids- I think he's a little old to be beating around the bush about something like that. The only nice thing he DID do was tell me he would mail me my birtday gift- probably because he felt guilty- but I still think it was too little too late. We hadnt seen each other in 7 months you would think he'd want to make a good impression!
Does anyone have any insight into this? (link)
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Hi
My insight into this, is that you should forget any romantic intentions you have for him. Keep him as a friend if you want, but nothing more.
He's made it clear that he's not wanting a commitment, and you have realized that.
He didn't care about making a good impression, and said things to hurt your feelings because he obviously doesn't care.
You need to find someone who's on the same life path as you are....he's definitely not that person. He's 40 years old and besides maybe his job, he doesn't have much going for him. Move on.
Oh, and kudos to you for saving yourself until marriage!!!!!
Brenda
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Rating: 5
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Thankyou- I think you're right that he doesnt care about me- what kind of guy doesnt even buy a girl a birthday card after not seeing her for 7 months? If he truly cared about me he would have gotten me a nice gift and wouldnt have made those rude comments. You're right that besides his pathetic job as a cook in the oil camps that he doesnt have much going for him- he's not good looking at all and is just plain insensitive.
Once again thanks for opening my eyes!
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