Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22467
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My friend (we will call her "A") A is one of two people who know about my rape(s) she is my best friend in the whole world and i love her to death! and yesturday i was walking to the bus with a and we were "making fun" of this guys (we will call him "B") B because he follows everyone then his friend ("M"-who im cool with) M came up and started talking. then hes like "B get out of the way Sam is going to rape me. and i got really offended because i hate it when people joke about that. then (B rides my bus) on the bus B was like, "sam dont rape me bla bla bla" and i was like, "Shut the F**K up this isnt somthing you joke about people actuauly get rapped" and he kept laughing and i kept swearing and it made me so mad then my friend A called me and i told her the story (she goes out a different way then me so she didnt hear anything) and she was like "well sam if you dont want people to know that you were rapped then dont attract attention to yourself" that made me so mad, she is supposed to understand but she didnt so i hung up on her...did i over-react?
**PLEASE HELP IM SOO SORRY ITS LONG** (link)
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Hi
No, you didn't over-react. One thing you have to keep in mind is that unless you've been through rape (which I have), you cannot truly understand how someone who has been through it feels.
You're friend "A" probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings like that...in her mind she is trying to protect you from other people finding out. I think you need to talk to her.
As for people joking about rape....I hear ya...it drives me crazy too. Just the other day, I was at a party, and I overheard two people joking about it. I actually said something...kinda like what you did. Most times I just let it slide, because like it or not, people are going to always joke about it. It's not right, but some people are just insensitive, and others probably don't mean any harm by it.
Try to keep your head up, and just walk away from discussions like that. If you keep getting really defensive over it, people may start to ask questions.
It doesn't matter to me that people know....it's part of my life, but at your age and the fact that you are still in school, it's probably best to keep it under wraps for now. The last thing you need is harrassment by cruel teenagers.
Good luck, and take care.
Brenda
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