Hi Everyone!!
My name is Brenda, and I'm 34 years young. I've been happily married (to the most amazing man) for three years, and we have three children. My daughter is nine years old (my husband has adopted her), my stepdaughter is eight, and my stepson is six. I am currently a full time college student taking Business Administration specializing in Human Resource Management. I am also a volunteer with the Sexual Assault Victim Support Program with our Regional Health Authority.
My hope with this advice column is that I will be able to help people. I've been through alot in my life, and I decided that if I can help people in similar situations, then that could also help me heal, and move on. I won't go into great detail on here, but my motto has definitely become "what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger".
I was raped when I was 16, and then continually by an abusive boyfriend when I was 19-20. He was an alcoholic and abusive sexually, physically, and emotionally. He unsuccessfully (thank God) tried to kill me.
I've been cheated on...been the cheater, I've gone through addiction, as well as losing my dad. I have clinical depression. I was a single mom for five years before I met my husband. I became extremely obese, and five years ago weighed close to 400 pounds. In January of 2000 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and have maintained a 200+ pound weight loss. I went through my childhood and adolescense being ridiculed for my appearance. I really want to help people with obesity issues.
Currently, my most stressing issues seem to be dealing with my husbands despicable ex-wife. It's hard to deal with someone whom you have absolutely no respect for as a parent, or as a person for that matter. I have many concerns about making a blended family work, so that everyone is happy.
PHEW!!!
Well....I hope I will have many visitors to my column and can help each and every one of you! Chances are..whatever it is you're going through, I've probably been there. I hope to talk to you soon.
Brenda
Website: Help Me, Brenda!
E-mail: helpmebrenda@inbox.com
Gender: Female
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Occupation: student
Age: 34
Member Since: April 9, 2006
Answers: 193
Last Update: October 5, 2006
Visitors: 22475
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Is it normal to feel like cutting, or drinking or using self-destructive behavior after a break-up? I can't get over someone I've been with for over two years and he broke it off. I feel like hurting myself, is there something wrong?
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Hi
After a bad breakup it is completely normal to feel a bit blue/depressed. It's normal to cry, it's normal to feel hurt, it's normal to be angry.
It is NOT normal to become self-destructive. Cutting yourself, or hurting yourself in ANY way is a crystal clear sign that you are not coping well and need help. You need someone to talk to...to cry to, to spill out all your feelings. This could be a friend, a parent, an older sibling, or it could be a therapist.
Alot of times the therapist/councellor is the one to go to because they can help you from an outside standpoint. They don't know you, they don't know your ex-boyfriend. They can give you an un-biased opinion, and truly help you through this.
I know when you lose someone that you loved dearly it is very hard to move on. They were such an important part of your life for a long period of time and then to all of a sudden have to continue on without them is rough.
You will get through it, you will move on, you will find someone else. Please get help before you hurt yourself any further. Take care.
Brenda
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