jbdreamer's advice column

My husband's parents recently brought up the idea of buying a large piece of property in my town so they, my husband and I, and my brother-in-law and his family can all live together. We will each have our own house on the property so it will be something like a family commune.

I'm against the idea. They tend to be nosy and don't see a problem with dropping in unannounced and expecting to be entertained. There is also the fact that they do not like me and go out of their way to make sure I know that. They have went so far as to tell me that I'm a bad wife and tell my husband he made a mistake marrying me. I have told my husband that if they do move here, I want to move somewhere else. He is also against the idea. He sees their obvious dislike of me and also doesn't like the idea of the loss of privacy. I spoke to my sister-in-law and she said that she and her husband are against the idea as well. She also mentioned that she would want to move if they move here.

My problem is this: no one will tell my in-laws that they don't like the idea. I'm afraid that if no one says something, my in-laws are going to take that as acceptance of their idea and go forward with it. They already have started the search for property. Once they buy the property, we'll all feel obligated to move onto it, even though it's going to make us miserable. My husband and his brother say that they can't stop them if they want to move here. If I or my sister-in-law say something, we run the risk of being accused of keeping them from their sons and grandchildren.

How would you handle a situation like this?

If my in-laws, or even my own parents suggested such a thing, I would have laughed at them the moment it was suggested and think it was a joke. Not for a moment would I let them think it was even a possibility.

Your right, as long as no says anything, your in-laws will think this is a good idea. And the longer you wait, the more upset they'll be when you tell them no.

Someone has to speak up now - especially since everyone is against the idea. They are your husband's parents. Why isn't he speaking up?

Why can't everyone just be honest? That no one likes the idea and it's not going to happen. You like your privacy, and you don't want to live next door to the entire family. You are perfectly happy where you are.

Yes, you can't stop them from moving, but you also have no reason to feel obligated to build a new house and live next door.

Tell you husband to end this fiasco tell his parents the truth. It's a no, end of discussion.

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(Rating: 5) Thanks. My parents did suggest something similar a while back and my husband stood behind me when I told them no. However, he says he doesn't want to hurt his parents feelings.

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