About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
Visitors: 18298
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What are some reasons why a man would stay in a bad marriage? A friend of mine is married to an older woman who is mentally and financially abusive to him. She tries to control his friendships and won't let him talk on his phone to some of his friends. She has also isolated him from his family. She is a very bitter, jealous, vindictive woman. She is extremely unnatrractive because she's been smoking since she was 12. Her teeth are stained and her face is all wrinkled. She looks 20 years older than her real age (54). That part shouldnt matter except her personality is just as ugly. They have no children together, but she has two grown kids from her first marriage. They are both heroin addicts, and have stolen in total 6000 dollars from my friends credit card.
They use to run a cafe together and lost customers because they fought like cats and dogs. I heard they would scream at each other. I don't think he loves her, atleast not anymore. He's even admitted to customers that he hated having to put up with working with her everyday. I doupt they even have sex anymore. So my question is why do you think they are still together? Do you think he's afraid of what she might do to him if he left?
I am going to answer your question with another question: what's it to you? You don't mention your gender- I might be way off here, but I'm guessing you're a woman and that you have a crush on this man. If so, give it up! Who knows the dynamics of their relationship? I agree that it doesn't sound either healthy or supportive, but quite frankly if he's unhappy, it's his responsibilty to get out. You shouldn't involve yourself too much(this is true whether you're male or female). Some people seem to thrive on abuse- your friend sounds like one of them. Who knows, perhaps he had a domineering mother. Or one who couldn't care less about him, meaning that he feels any attention is good, even when it's clearly destructive. By all means, be a supportive friend-if he shows signs of leaving, encourage it,but in a practical way. Don't sleep with him unless and until he is formally separated from his wife. If you do, you'll only get embroiled in their whole mess, which is between the two of them to sort out. Or not, as the case will probably be.
Good luck.
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(Rating: 5)
I'm concerned because he is a good friend of mine. We are not sexually involved, I just have a really close friendship with him. I just hate seeing the way this woman is slowly destroying him. But thanks anyways.
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