About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
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Okay, I wasn't sure if this was good enough for the health section, but I was just wondering about something.
A little over a year ago a friend of mine was in a car accident due to drinking and driving and she didn't make it. I was completely torn up about it. I wouldn't say that I'm over it now, but I've found other ways to deal with it.
Recently another friend of mine was in a car wreck and was injured pretty badly. The first week or so that he was in the hospital he was in a lot of pain but he was there. He understood what we said to him and he could talk back to us clearly. By the end of the 1st month it was just like something was eating away at him, he was like a mentally ill person. You couldn't understand what he was saying, and well I don't know if he could understand me. He lives in a different state than I do (I moved away a few years ago) but we still kept in close contact after I moved, he even helped me through the death of the friend I mentioned above. I owe him (and a few others) my life. But anyway, about a week ago his health completely deteriorated. He is now in a coma and I feel really guilty because I have shown no emotion whatsoever. I'm living my life just like I did before. I cried once and that is when I found out. And that kind of scares me. I am not that much of an emotional person, but when somebody like a brother to me is in a coma and his mom doesn't really love him (she used to abuse him) and wants to pull the plug thing that is keeping him alive (sorry, I don't know what it's called) because she is sick of paying for her sons mistakes (she told me that when I talked to her) I just don't know what I should be feeling.
How come I'm not feeling anything? Is it wrong not to be feeling anything knowing that such a great person and somebody so close to me may die?
I don't know, I'm just confused, I needed to vent and just see if anyone else has experienced or knows somebody who has experienced something like this. I just kind of found it weird that I was sooo devastated when it came to my one friends death, and now this person, and I've cried maybe once...
Oh 15/f
To start off, please accept my condolences for the harrowing experiences you have been through. To in effect lose two people that you have been so close to has , I believe, had the effect of numbing you. If you felt all that you believe you are "supposed" to feel , I think that you would probably go mad. You have been traumatised by this secomd experience- the situation isn't helped by the astonishing attitude of your friend's mother. Also, your friend isn't dead, (although sadly he may well still die) so you're in limbo and can't grieve as you would for a dead person. From my own experience, I can tell you that tears do not necessarily come with bereavement-my father died when I was a couple of years younger than you are now-I found it hard to feel anything at all. I certainly didn't cry, which surpised and disturbed my mother, who thought I was unfeeling. The truth was, if I had allowed myself to feel the pain I would have gone mad. This numbing is the defence mechanism which allows human beings to get through the at times unbelievable bleakness and cruelty of life.
Good luck, and feel free to MSN me if you need to talk(my email address is lucrece_13@hotmail.com)
Lucretia x.
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(Rating: 5)
Thanks, this helps a lot.
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