jbdreamer's advice column

I have a friend (24/f) that constantly asks me for advice. At first, I was flattered that she trusted my judgement. However, now it has got to the point that she calls me for every little thing going on in her life. She seems incapable of making any decision on her own, even if it's a small decision. One day, she actually called from the store to ask what toothpaste to buy. When she calls, she expects me to drop everything and help her figure out a solution for her problem.

She also seems to trust only my advice. At one point, she called me with a medical concern. While I have worked in health care, I am not a doctor. I told her I didn't feel like I was qualified to answer her question and that she should see her doctor. She refused to see the doctor and said that only I could figure it out.

I hate to be rude to her since she's always been there for me. She was one of the few people that stood beside me when I fled an abusive relationship. Almost everyone else in my life thought I was crazy for leaving what they saw as a great guy. She offered me money and a place to stay until I got on my feet and could make it on my own again.

I've tried telling her that I'm busy and not always able to take her calls, but it seems to have no effect. I'm also worried that her inability to make a decision on her own could have an effect on her life and health. As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I can't sit by the phone all day and I'm not always qualified to help her. Any suggestions?

Instead of giving her advice, try encouraging her to make her own decision instead.

If she asks you to choose between two things, don't choose. Ask what she would choose.

The tooth paste question for example - Instead of giving her a brand name, tell her she is fully capabale of choosing one herself. Tell her to read the lables if she is unsure and remind her not to stress, it's just tooth paste.

The medical question: Put her in your shoes, I'd say - "If I were you, I'd see the doctor, because I don't know the answer either."

Stop giving her all the answers - instead give her solutions to find the answers herself.

And remember, you don't always have to answer the phone.

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