I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
Last Update: February 25, 2006
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I have a huge problem.....I'm a failure at everything in life . All my previous friends have told me so and my whole family is CONSTANTLY telling me that I'm a failure. Even people who don't know me personally, tell me that I'm a failure when they hear about me. So , what they're saying (that I'm a failure) is true, since so many people have told me the same thing. Before, hearing that statement would motivate me to work really hard. And it would work because I would achieve my goals, temporarily. Now, whenever anyone tells me I'm a failure, it doesn't motivate me anymore. Instead, I get really sad and stay in my room alone and cry. I even skip going to college because I'm so sad and don't want to be annoyed by anymore people telling me the same thing. I already have depression and am taking medication for it, so hearing this statement from people doesn't help. Now my question is: HOW DO I GET OVER THIS? HOW DO I MOITIVATE MYSELF AND STAY MOTIVATED? HOW DO I PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT I'M NOT A FAILUTRE? Sorry for the long letter. Please, no smart alecs. (link)
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I think some of the other answers you've gotten are very good and hopefully helpful to you. I agree with younggrandma that you might want to go back to your doctor and try a change of antidepressant med. Not all antidepressants work the same for each person. I strongly encourage you to do this because it will help to make YOUR attitude better.
It's a terrible travesty that so many people have told you that you are a failure. This may sound weird to you, but it is my belief that if you have always thought you were a failure, then you attract (without knowing it) people who are going to pick up on that energy and mirror whatever you're thinking of yourself. It's good that you said your "previous friends" said these things about you because I'm hoping that they are no longer in your life. You definitely need new friends who will support you and encourage you. I don't know what your relationship is with your family, but can you talk to them about how they talk to you and tell them 1) that you want and need them to stop dragging you down by telling you that you're a failure, and 2) that you will no longer stay in their presence (go to another room, leave the house, whatever - but I'm NOT saying that you should leave them out of your life) when they start this kind of talk. Try to distance yourself from them or anyone else who says these types of things to you. At least for a while.
I'm sorry that YOU think you're a failure. I highly suspect that you are NOT! For one thing, you're in college for heaven's sake. That is obviously a major accomplishment! And, as younggrandma said, you write very well, so that's another plus for you.
But the main thing here is that YOU need to work on not thinking that you're a failure. I obviously don't know what happened to you to make you begin feeling that way. Did this evolve from a family member telling you this from a very young age? Unfortunately that happens all too often and then the child grows up believing it. But no matter what happened to you to get you on this line of thinking (which, by the way is so very detrimental and unhealthy), it is up to you to change your attitude about yourself and all that you do. I know this may sound impossible right now - changing how you view yourself - but it can be done with hard work. Please try to look at your life and find the things that you are proud of. I'd suggest making a list. On the one side write what has disappointed you about your life, and on the other side write what you have accomplished. Really think hard about this and try not to judge yourself harshly while you're doing this. Try not to judge yourself at all! Just be as honest as possible. If you have ANYTHING on the list of accomplishments (such as college) then you can surely tell yourself that "NO!" you're not a failure. Also, I would suggest some counseling while you're in this depression. A counselor can help you see why you allow other people to not only say these things to you, but why you have allowed yourself to believe them. And, a counselor can help you take steps in regaining your self-esteem. You'll also receive help in how to motivate yourself again WITHOUT being "forced" into it because people are saying cruel things to you, like you did before. You're probably aware that college campuses have counselors for students and that their services are free. Please look into that. Taking medication for depression is one thing, but receiving counseling along with the medication is the BEST thing.
Please know that because you are aware of your depression, that you've done something about it, AND you're asking for advice, that you are making some very good (and even difficult) steps to changing what all is going on. This tells me that you're a determined person who is not destined for failure!
This also may sound strange to you, but have you ever tried anything like getting into a marshal arts class? Karate teaches people how to center themselves, take care of themselves mentally and physically, and interestingly enough encourages pride and the building of self-esteem. It sure worked for me at a very low point in my life, even though I just knew I would fail at that! I didn't and I found energy and motivation through the work I did in karate. I'm very thankful for what I gained from that experience. Maybe you could try something like this to help you with several of your issues? There are probably different marshal arts classes taught at your college. Or, you can probably find an inexpensive one given through your local recreation department.
I believe that you WILL get past this, but YOU need to work on getting yourself a little more grounded and looking at yourself in an HONEST way. One thing that is suggested by positive thinking workshop facilitators feels a little ridiculous and embarrassing at first, but believe me, it helps a lot! That is, each day, several times a day, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are successful. Do not say, "I'm not a failure," because you are still using that word that is bringing you down. The more you give yourself this positive affirmation, the easier it will be to do it and you will eventually be able to start believing it. And think about it: you've told yourself over and over again that you're a failure and you began to believe it. So why wouldn't telling yourself that you're a success over and over make you eventually believe that?!
Try to start going back to your college courses, hold your head up high - don't slink into yourself - and remind yourself as often as possible that, "Hey, I made it to college! What an accomplishment!" Don't try so hard to prove to OTHER people that you're not a failure. What they say may hurt, but it is not what makes you who you are. YOU make you who you are. You don't owe anyone anything. Tell yourself each night that you will no longer succumb to the cruel assumptions of others. Tell yourself while you're lying in bed that you will get up in the morning and begin a new day with a positive attitude. Sure, this may be hard at first, but try as much as you can to at least motivate yourself to do this one thing. Take baby steps if you have to. Who cares really? Only you should care about how you respond to what others are saying. YOU are the one who must change. You can't make others change, but with your own changes, be aware that you'll discover that many things will change around you. Life will look a little brighter each day.
So, bottom line, maybe change your medication, stay on it, try some counseling, repeat over and over positive affirmations to yourself, and distance yourself from those who are absolutely dragging you down.
I wish you much luck. I have confidence in your already begun process of healing yourself. That, my friend, is being successful!
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Rating: 5
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Thanks a lot. Your words mean so much to me. I will follow your advice.
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