About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
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my best guy friend (let's call him "k") who is also my ex-boyfriend just got a new girlfriend (let's call her "m"). when me and "k" were going out, he told me he loved me, but i didn't feel the same way so we broke up a week or so later. so now this new girl "m" comes into the picture. he likes her a lot and they are going out. they have gone out for like four days and "k" already told "m" that he loves her and she said it back. i just don't understand how he can tell two girls in such a short period of time that he loves them. it really bugs me because i feel like he just used me so he could say he had a girl. i do not want to let "m" get hurt like i did. what can i do to help this situation? i don't want every girl he dates to feel like she is the only one but he has really told every girl he dated the same thing. i'll rate 5's!
Your question seems to me a little confused; first you say that you broke up with "k" because you didn't love him whereas he did love you, but you end by saying 'I do not want "m" to get hurt like I did.' I suspect, however, that this seemingly contradictory situation makes perfect sense; you probably sensed "k's" insincerity, and would have liked a relationship but broke it off realising that he was not able to deliver.
Thus, I would make so bold as to suggest that you probably still have romantic yearnings for him, albeit mixed with anger against him being such a lightweight. Under those circumstances, you mustn't approach "m", because she would sense the jealousy which underlies the perfectly sincere concern for her welfare. Let her find out for himself what he's like;probably a perfectly charming friend, but not much of a boyfriend. Good luck!
P.S. Your question doesn't say, but I'm guessing that you guys are all somewhere in your teens. Understand well that the world holds many men like "k", and that they don't all change with age(I myself was until recently dating a forty-seven year old who behaved much like your ex:charming, but unreliable). However, some guys wise up, and , better still,there are the ones that were nice all along. Stick to those and you'll be allright.
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(Rating: 5)
thanks so much! and yes, me and "k" are 14 and "m" is 13. that really helps!
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