Question Posted Tuesday December 13 2005, 11:27 am
my best guy friend (let's call him "k") who is also my ex-boyfriend just got a new girlfriend (let's call her "m"). when me and "k" were going out, he told me he loved me, but i didn't feel the same way so we broke up a week or so later. so now this new girl "m" comes into the picture. he likes her a lot and they are going out. they have gone out for like four days and "k" already told "m" that he loves her and she said it back. i just don't understand how he can tell two girls in such a short period of time that he loves them. it really bugs me because i feel like he just used me so he could say he had a girl. i do not want to let "m" get hurt like i did. what can i do to help this situation? i don't want every girl he dates to feel like she is the only one but he has really told every girl he dated the same thing. i'll rate 5's! <3
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? AdviceChick16 answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 3:55 pm: Well obviously us girls have all gone through the whole breakup situation because we didn't feel the same way about our boyfriends,but if he is as old as I think he is then he dosen't really mean it because guy teens r just goin through that stage where they will say ne thing to get a piece of that if you know what i mean. Ha ha ha =). Plus this other girl "m" is probably just an excuse to make you jelious. So you need to find a way to explain to her in a way that dosent sound like you want him back or else she'll think you do and that will piss her off even more.Just start off with askin her how things r goin with her and "k". and tell her if she has noticed him flirting at all, and if she desides to talk to you, then just go from there. [ AdviceChick16's advice column | Ask AdviceChick16 A Question ]
hollisterxbabyyx33 answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 3:20 pm: um whoa. wow this is usually common sense. umm when boyfriend say they love their girlfriends they both know that it doesn`t really mean that kinda "love". he means it to show affection & tell her how much he cares about her. if you ask me i just think your jealous of their relationship or w/e. & how is that bad having every girl he dates feeling like she`s the only one? i think that`s sweet & would love it a guy would treat me like that. what you can do is stop being jealous & mind your butt outta his fucking business. sorry for being mean but it`s tru.
Chicken_flavored_eggs answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 3:05 pm: You are right about one thing, love is not a word to be used lightly. I myself have never said it to anyone outside my family and very close friends. Most people are not similar to me and mistake like or lust for love.
He probably means no harm by it, he just thinks (rightly or wrongly) that it is love. He probably thought that he loved you, and now he thinks he loves her.
On what to do, well your option is to do nothing. He is your friend and it is his relationship. It is hard to not want to get involved sometimes, but those are his feelings and whether you believe them or not, it is not your place to intervene. It will just cause hurt feelings and drama.
Think about it this way, he told you he loved and you two broke up because you didn't feel the same way. If you had or thought that you might soon, you would probably still be with him. He wouldn't have broken it off with you, at least by the way you worded your question. So I guess I am trying to understand how you got hurt.
He probably justs wants love. I can understand that. He is probably just getting it the only way he knows how. He shouldn't be made out to be user and I say this because of this...
"it really bugs me because i feel like he just used me so he could say he had a girl. i do not want to let "m" get hurt like i did. what can i do to help this situation? i don't want every girl he dates to feel like she is the only one but he has really told every girl he dated the same thing."
You didn't love him so he went and found someone who would. Upsetting for you, yes. That making him a guy who uses girls, no. If he does something along the lines of trying to get a girl to go as far as he can by saying "I love you" then that would make him a user and worthy of being stoned to death. [ Chicken_flavored_eggs's advice column | Ask Chicken_flavored_eggs A Question ]
karenR answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 2:47 pm: A lot of people throw the word "love" around until it has almost lost meaning.
Telling a girl you love her is a good way to get what you want. Mean it or not.
Some people also wouldn't know what love if it snuck up and bit them in the butt.
So, I really doubt that "k" was deliberately misleading you. He is just one of many who toss the word around lightly.
Beware of anyone who claims to love you after only a date or two. They may like you an awful lot, they may love you as they get to know you better. But beware when they use the word to soon.
hotrod answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 2:11 pm: i think you need to have a talk with her. and state that your not trying to get into the picture. your trying to be a loyal person. adn trying to keep her from heartbreak.i think that is very sweet of you. most girls would be simply jealous. and you are just being helpful. mad points hun. hope i helped.
:) hotrod [ hotrod's advice column | Ask hotrod A Question ]
netsirk07 answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 2:06 pm: well since noone told you about him I wouldnt bother telling other people. Most of the time the guy likes the girl so much that he says "I love you" to her. That's what happens to me all the time.. but you can't interfere with their relationship.. she'll hate you.. believe me I tryed warning my ex-boyfriends girlfriend and all it got me was a hate group and rumors around saying that I want him back.. Don't go through the trouble.. you already went through trouble so now its the new girlfriends turn.
lucretia answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 12:49 pm: Your question seems to me a little confused; first you say that you broke up with "k" because you didn't love him whereas he did love you, but you end by saying 'I do not want "m" to get hurt like I did.' I suspect, however, that this seemingly contradictory situation makes perfect sense; you probably sensed "k's" insincerity, and would have liked a relationship but broke it off realising that he was not able to deliver.
Thus, I would make so bold as to suggest that you probably still have romantic yearnings for him, albeit mixed with anger against him being such a lightweight. Under those circumstances, you mustn't approach "m", because she would sense the jealousy which underlies the perfectly sincere concern for her welfare. Let her find out for himself what he's like;probably a perfectly charming friend, but not much of a boyfriend. Good luck!
P.S. Your question doesn't say, but I'm guessing that you guys are all somewhere in your teens. Understand well that the world holds many men like "k", and that they don't all change with age(I myself was until recently dating a forty-seven year old who behaved much like your ex:charming, but unreliable). However, some guys wise up, and , better still,there are the ones that were nice all along. Stick to those and you'll be allright. [ lucretia's advice column | Ask lucretia A Question ]
smile answered Tuesday December 13 2005, 12:19 pm: You are right.. The boy can be 2 things
#1lier
#2immature
Well, you have to do something to help "m". Go there and talk to her. Tell her that he told that he loves you etc. and that he does it always to girls. Tell her that you care about her and that's why you said it to her.
And something else! Don't feel bad because the guy doesn't deserve it! He must be an idiot jerk... Good luck with your friend and this what you do shows that you are a good person who cares about others!Bravo! [ smile's advice column | Ask smile A Question ]
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