I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
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Okay so my dads a major alcoholic and Im trying to get him in trouble and arrested or somehow away from my mother and i cause he is a danger and a jerk. I mean its horrible. He wont physically abuse us to the point of marks cause he dont want to go to jail. However we suspect he may be back on drugs (hes been on them in the past) cause he seems all down dissapears and come back really perky. How can I see if he is? How can I prove it? What should I do? PLEASE HELP! (link)
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Please, please act on this as soon as possible! Call Child Protective Services (with your area Social Services - usually found in the blue government pages of the phone book or at the very beginning of the phone book where emergency numbers are listed). If you're comfortable going to your school counselor, he or she should be able to help you make the right contacts. Also, ask your mother if she's willing to go with you to a local women's shelter to seek advice (often found in the blue pages as well or even under the emergency numbers...at the beginning of the phone book, but if you can't find one in either place, ask Social Services for a number or call the police and they'll be able to direct you to one of these shelters - they are sometimes kept secret to keep the abusive spouse from finding them). Is your mom wanting to deal with this situation as badly as you? It would certainly help if you and she could do all of this together. However, if she is too afraid (or in denial), then do this on your own and explain to whomever you speak what all is going on and that your mom is too afraid at this point to do anything. I sincerely hope that she's at a point where she can try to stop this situation before it escalates more than it has.
Both Social Services and Women's Shelters can help make the decision about whether your dad needs to be reported to the police at this time or not (I would guess that yes, he needs to be reported). They will contact the police and help you make your statement. They will also help your mother through the possibly difficult task of filing a report against your father. There will be a lot of support which you two will need.
I would NOT recommend spying on your dad in any way like hiding around corners to see what he's doing, photographing him in secret, listening in on his calls, etc. This could cause all sorts of problems and make the situation worse...more dangerous than it already sounds. But do be very observant and if you want and if you can, record what you see and hear in a small notebook that he won't find. You can then take this notebook with you when you go to the proper authorities.
You say that your dad doesn't "physically abuse [you two] to the point of marks." That sounds like he does physically abuse you both and that he knows how to stop just before he goes "too far" (he's already gone too far if he's done ANY sort of abuse) and how to hide this physical abuse. That's really scary to me and sends up a red flag about how cunning this man is. Another reason to NOT spy on him.
As far as your dad using drugs or not, there may not be any way YOU can prove that he's gotten into them again (and man, if I were you, I wouldn't try, just be observant). It's really not your job to try to prove this. Let Social Services know your suspicions and they'll go from there.
A friend of mine and her two daughters just went through something very similar to what you're describing. I helped them contact Social Services' Child Protective Services and went with them to their first meeting with a social worker. She was very kind and explained things quite well - the steps that would be taken and how the police would be involved. In their case, there was the added injustice of this man molesting one of his daughters. Too often that happens with men like this, whether their children are girls or boys. I hope that you have not had to endure something like this, but if you have, please try to be as honest as possible with whomever you speak no matter how embarrassed you might feel. They will be able to help you more than you know. Do keep in mind though that your dad does not have to have had molested you to be in a lot of trouble right now. You will STILL get help and guidance as to what to do. The situation is bad enough without molestation, so know that and continue on your quest to help yourself and your mom.
Please let me know what you end up doing and how you and your mother are being helped. I'm so sorry that you both are going through this and I pray that you'll be able to have some sort of resolution VERY soon...or at least the beginning of a resolution. I wish you lots of luck and want to tell you that I believe you are a very intelligent and courageous person. I'm sorry, though, that you are having to take an adult's role in all of this. You're just a kid and you shouldn't have to be in this position. But since you are, kudos to you for trying to do the right and safe thing. I'll be thinking good and safe thoughts for you both...
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you should im me some time Mirokusbbysango or email me at Lostinmythoughts08@yahoo.com
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