I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
Last Update: February 25, 2006
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im 16.. im in love with a guy that is 15. we went out for 4 months. but ive known him for almost 3 years now. i lost my virginity to him. one day we did it and everything was normal. the next day he calls me and says, "lets take a break, then when i think we are ready to make this a serious thing ill ask you back out." i was just like um okay? well then a couple days later i hear hes going out with some chick from his school. so hes "taking a break with me" to go out with some other chick. that really hurt me. because im in love with him. well i saw him and he didnt say anything to me. he kept like 10 feet away from me. and i was pissed off about the whole situation. then the next day i call him to talk about everything going on and he called me a b**** and i was like why are you calling me that? and he was like i heard what you said to people last night about me. i was like what did you hear? hes like you just trash-talked about me the whole night to my friends and family. and he hung up on me. so i call him back and left him a message, because he didnt answer, and i was crying and i said "the only thing i said to anyone was that i was in love with you". and that is the first time i told him how i felt about him. ive never told him i was in love with him before. and i havent heard from him since. what should i do about this whole situation and the next time i see him? and i see him quite often because my mom works for his dad. i dont know what to do PLEASE help. this may turn into suicide. he was the only thing i had. (link)
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this tough time right now. You sound pretty desperate and that concerns me. First of all, one of the reasons why it is suggested that one wait until he or she is older to have sex is so that you can really know if you're in love with a person who is in love with you, and so that you've had relationship experiences under your belt - without sex being involved. Unfortunately, it is all too common for girls to take sex much more seriously than boys. At your friend's age, he is one huge raging hormone and is probably not thinking at all about serious commitments, but just about having fun. You, on the other hand, were obviously thinking more along the lines of giving yourself and your love to this guy by way of sex, hoping for some sort of commitment. I don't blame you there. However, you guys really are awfully young to make such a serious commitment. This comment does NOT mean that I like the way he is treating you. I don't! But he sounds like the type of guy who would have done this to you eventually whether you had had sex with him or not. Having had sex with him probably just made it happen sooner rather than later. It really sounds like this guy wants to "experiment," and you were caught in his experimenting. I'm sorry for that. My suggestion now is that you back away from this guy, as hard as that sounds. When you see him, just smile and keep walking. Don't look for anything from him and don't expect anything from him. He may come around and he may not. But you need to keep your distance because he obviously is acting like he's been backed against a wall by being told someone is in love with him and hearing that she's telling a lot of people about her feelings. That can be pretty scary to hear sometimes, AND, if he doesn't feel the same way, that can definitely push him away, I'm afraid. I think that if you're still worried about what he thinks of you after having heard that you said bad things about him when you didn't, then you could write a very SHORT note to him saying only: "I never did say anything bad about you to anyone. I wish you had asked me before you accused me. Thanks for your three year friendship with me. I'm sorry to see it end this way." Do NOT profess your love to this guy again. I think that will only make him pull away further and he may not pay attention at all to the rest of the note. Please don't make it harder on yourself by continuing to tell this guy that you love him. I know you do, but it sounds like you need to move on...like he did. Although, I will agree that he did it in a most insensitive way and I'm sorry for that. You say that he "was the only thing [you] had," and that makes me wonder if you keep too much to yourself. Do you have any girlfriends with whom you can try to spend more time? Can you join some school activities that would take up your time and help you to meet other people? I would also suggest that you not keep announcing your feelings about loving him to all sorts of people. That only makes you sound desperate and sad. You don't need to be. Sweetie, you're only 16 and I know there are guys out there who will treat you so much better! Now YOU need to focus on that and tell yourself every day that you're worth it and that you deserve someone who will treat you with respect. You may be hurting right now and maybe it's too hard to think about ever getting over this, but I promise you, you will! You will go through many trials and errors in relationships as you grow up. And each one will make you stronger and you'll know more and more what you really want in a guy by dating many guys. Just be careful about sharing too much of yourself; that is, having sex before you're truly ready and know what it will lead to in the relationship. Be wary, at this age, of guys who say that having sex will make you closer. There are all sorts of lines that guys will use to get a girl to have sex with them. You just need to listen to your gut instincts and ask yourself if this is something you definitely want to do...NOW. Please get the idea of suicide out of your head! I know that's easier said than done. Believe me, I know. However, you WILL have someone special in your life some day and you don't want to miss out on that! If you think that killing yourself will make this guy feel bad, then you're sadly mistaken. I think he's too young to understand why you are feeling so over the edge about this whole thing. If you are thinking about suicide because you want to rid yourself of pain, please think about the pain you'll be causing the people who love you unconditionally. THAT kind of pain never goes away. Your kind of pain will...really it will. Please take care of yourself and let me know how you're doing in a couple of weeks. I care.
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much for the advice. i really apreciate you taking the time to help me. your advice really helps. and thank you for caring.
ps. you should be a phsyciatrist (cant spell)
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