About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
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Okay, I'm curious as to what you all think about this.
My boyfriend tends to travel in the summer. The summer between 11th and 12th grade, he went to Vegas. The summer after that (this one), he went to Florida. Both times, I cried quite a bit (I also happened to be PMSing both times, I think, but I'm not sure if that actually has anything to do with it). On saturday, he left for Florida again, for college. This is the start of (essentially) a five-year separation. I know this, and it upsets me...but I didn't really cry. I mean, there were a couple of tears, which he adorably wiped away, but there weren't like..."storms of tears", as a friend would put it. I really don't understand why I'm not more upset about him being gone. I won't see him until mid-December, and I'm used to seeing him quite a bit. (We're a very clingy/touchy couple)
We're engaged, so I'm not worried about him going and finding some other girl. He was only home for about two weeks, one of which I was stuck at school for, so I only got to see him for...well, threeish days (I kidnapped him, kinda, and kept him in my dorm), and then about four hours on friday before he left.
Shouldn't I be more upset that we're separated?
I think part of the reason I'm not is because I told him to go. He's going to Full Sail, which I hear is an incredibly good tech-school-type-place, and I wanted him to go and get a jumpstart on his career. I don't do regret, so I don't regret telling him to go, but I miss him...
But at the same time, I'm not upset...like...at all.
What's going on in my head? (Not that you can actually answer that...but you can try, right?)
Please, no stupid answers or chatspeak. I'll only rate you down.
-Siren =)
I think that you've answered your own question: you're not upset at his leaving because you feel secure in his love for you,in fact you're secure in your love for each other.
Ah wait, but are you? I'm guessing(but this is just a guess, I can't as you so rightly point out, know what's going on in your head) that you're worried that your lack of angst and heartache means that you're not truly in love with him. Our culture makes so much of heartbreak- the agony of love, unrequited, challenged, or desroyed, features in everything from Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale to Stevie Nicks's Silver Springs- that we are suspicious of any love that feels untroubled. I won't pretend not to have felt this myself - my best boyfriend , the one who gave me the least pain and drama, was also the least exciting for that very reason.
Thus, this is where you have to make a choice. To open or not to open? So far, you don't have a problem- you're engaged and happy, not in any turmoil. Feel lucky, because you are. But what of other things? What of all the bold badness of life, the admiring gazes of other men, jealousy as well as solidarity of women, life as it is,an ever changing series of experiences and events, not something warm and safe and reliable? Noone can tell you the answer to that dilemna, or even if it is a dilemna, for we all want different things at different times. I've been no help at all, have I? That's because your question has,in some ways no answer.
Ultimately, my advice is to let your fiance go with a happy heart, knowing that you will always love each other as friends at the very least. After that, just live your life and see where it takes you. Good luck, and let us know how it went, Lucretia xx.
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(Rating: 5)
I doubt that's what it is, we're not breaking up, or opening our relationship. Thank you for taking the time to answer this. It put a lot into perspective for me. =)
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