|
No tears?
Okay, I'm curious as to what you all think about this.
My boyfriend tends to travel in the summer. The summer between 11th and 12th grade, he went to Vegas. The summer after that (this one), he went to Florida. Both times, I cried quite a bit (I also happened to be PMSing both times, I think, but I'm not sure if that actually has anything to do with it). On saturday, he left for Florida again, for college. This is the start of (essentially) a five-year separation. I know this, and it upsets me...but I didn't really cry. I mean, there were a couple of tears, which he adorably wiped away, but there weren't like..."storms of tears", as a friend would put it. I really don't understand why I'm not more upset about him being gone. I won't see him until mid-December, and I'm used to seeing him quite a bit. (We're a very clingy/touchy couple)
We're engaged, so I'm not worried about him going and finding some other girl. He was only home for about two weeks, one of which I was stuck at school for, so I only got to see him for...well, threeish days (I kidnapped him, kinda, and kept him in my dorm), and then about four hours on friday before he left.
Shouldn't I be more upset that we're separated?
I think part of the reason I'm not is because I told him to go. He's going to Full Sail, which I hear is an incredibly good tech-school-type-place, and I wanted him to go and get a jumpstart on his career. I don't do regret, so I don't regret telling him to go, but I miss him...
But at the same time, I'm not upset...like...at all.
What's going on in my head? (Not that you can actually answer that...but you can try, right?)
Please, no stupid answers or chatspeak. I'll only rate you down.
-Siren =)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well its best to support him in his needs and put aside your own. But on the other hand, he's leaving for like 5 years so I would make the best of this situation. If he has a cell phone and they get coverage up there, call him like once a week just to let him know you're thinking of him. I know its tough but you guys sound like a pretty tough couple that won't let anything tear you apart. Good luck! Hope I helped!
]
I think that maybe you arent upset because you know for sure that he will always be yours, i mean you two are engaged, so everytime he leaves you know that he will come back to you. Im sure everything will be fine, he loves you and you love him, so keep it strong!
]
You are proud of him, you know you both have made the right decision and you secure in your love. Why should you cry?
You have someone you love, who loves you, who is following his dreams, and who you trust completely. Why should you cry?
You are engaged as well, that means you are no longer in this for the short term. You don't need to see him every moment of every day just in case it is the last time you do. He is yours forever, you will have years together. Why should you cry?
Tears of loneliness and sorrow will probably come often enough over the next little while. No need to go looking for them. Enjoy your love, even when you are separated from him, and treasure each smile it brings you.
]
I think that you've answered your own question: you're not upset at his leaving because you feel secure in his love for you,in fact you're secure in your love for each other.
Ah wait, but are you? I'm guessing(but this is just a guess, I can't as you so rightly point out, know what's going on in your head) that you're worried that your lack of angst and heartache means that you're not truly in love with him. Our culture makes so much of heartbreak- the agony of love, unrequited, challenged, or desroyed, features in everything from Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale to Stevie Nicks's Silver Springs- that we are suspicious of any love that feels untroubled. I won't pretend not to have felt this myself - my best boyfriend , the one who gave me the least pain and drama, was also the least exciting for that very reason.
Thus, this is where you have to make a choice. To open or not to open? So far, you don't have a problem- you're engaged and happy, not in any turmoil. Feel lucky, because you are. But what of other things? What of all the bold badness of life, the admiring gazes of other men, jealousy as well as solidarity of women, life as it is,an ever changing series of experiences and events, not something warm and safe and reliable? Noone can tell you the answer to that dilemna, or even if it is a dilemna, for we all want different things at different times. I've been no help at all, have I? That's because your question has,in some ways no answer.
Ultimately, my advice is to let your fiance go with a happy heart, knowing that you will always love each other as friends at the very least. After that, just live your life and see where it takes you. Good luck, and let us know how it went, Lucretia xx.
]
You might not miss him as much as you think. The fact that you wrote and asked about this very much shows that you care for this guy and about him going away. Just because he's going away doesn't mean that you have to work yourself into a griefing state. It shows that you trust him and that is alright. Maybe you don't really care about him as much as you think. Hun, I can't tell you what is going on inside of your head. I don't know it but I do know that you're going to have to take a deep look within yourself and find out what the deal is. The perspective is not so desperate and destructive as you think. So just find out for yourself. It could be the fact that you are used to a long distance relationship. You're understandable and you can adjust. You'll figure it out it just will take time. I hope I was some help and have a nice day.
]
I've experienced something like this myself, only to a lesser degree. I think one of two things have happened, or possibly both. One, maybe you've simply become accustomed to the seperations; I know this next one is going to be long, but you're still slightly ready. More likely, though, I think the relationship between you two has matured into a deeper love. I get this impression from how you want him to jumpstart his career... you're really planning a life with him (haha, you're engaged right?), which is awesome. The bond between you two is now stronger enough to easily last the time. You're lucky to find someone you can mutually love so deeply. I hope the seperation doesn't go too bad, I hope you two are really happy. :)
]
More Questions: |