About lucretia
I have been on this site a little while now, and while I have never been one of its more prolific columnists, I do read a helluva lot more questions than I answer. The reason for this is that I feel that a lot of the questions are very similar, so I tend to pick the better worded and/or more interesting ones among them:plus I without fail will answer anything you care to drop in my inbox. But for those of you whose questions I do not specifically address, here are my top five tips to make the world(and advicenators, which is after all the hub of the universe) a better place:
Enjoy!
1)You will generally be happier if you are not
constantly taking your emotional temperature. So much stress is placed these days on FEELING, that people forget that the way to FEEL happy is to DO. So get over yourself and take up skateboarding, drumming(which I highly recommend) "mumblety-peg, if that's where your heart lies". Whatever it is though, just get on with it and you'll be allright.
2) If s/he says "you're too good for me", then s/he isn't interested. End of story.
3)Honour thy father and thy mother, unless they're actually beating the crap out of you, in which case you need to call on outside agents to mediate.In all other cases though, take it easy on your folks-you won't regret it later in life.
4)In 90% of cases, cheating is unaccepatable and inexcusable. If you think that your partner is part of the 10% (or whatever random minority)of excusable cheaters, then ask yourself why. Is it because you're such hell to live with that it's a miracle that anyone would date you, let alone stay faithful? If it is , then you have one of two problems; you either have a personality disorder which makes you undateable, or you have such low self esteem that you believe yourself undateable. In either case, you need help, so go to a counselor, therapist, doctor, whatever, just sort it out.
5) Read self-help books. Just take them with a pinch of salt. Seriously, they make great reading, and can give remarkably sound advice, but you must not believe every word they say, or you will very possibly end up resembling , if not actually becoming , a speed freaked zombie wearing day-glo juicy couture. By self help books, I mean any thing which gives you x number of rules to live by, and suggests that the key to fulfillment lies within these rule(a bit like I'm doing now-book my '07 convention early to avoid disappointment.10% discount for advicenators columnists).Books to approach with caution include "The Rules" and the "Surrendered" series by Laura Doyle. But the jewel in the self help crown has to be the beautiful "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. If you can read this book and not smile, laugh, and just feel unfettered joy at living, you are either the aforementioned zombie, or you are living in some banana republic. In either case, you are beyond my help,but I feel you.
Take care!
Lucretia
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Website: My LiveJournal
E-mail: lucrece_13@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Glasgow
Occupation: Student
Age: 22
Member Since: September 9, 2005
Answers: 155
Last Update: August 29, 2006
Visitors: 18295
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tuesday i turn 15. and i have lived with my mom since i was born. her and my dad got a divorce when i was realy little. i go to my dads every other weekend. my dad hasnt really been the kind of dad he is suppost to be. but i still love him. Well my dad lives in newnan and i love it down there all my friends are there and i have so much fun down there. My mom lives 2 hours away in lawenceville and i hate it here. We moved here a couple months ago and i have been in this new high school for 1 month now. I have no friends, everyone is stuck up and annoying there. I want to move in with my dad. Not because i love him more, but because i like it better there. my mom is always complaining that we dont have any money and i spend too much. Well i love her verrrrry much but if i tell her i want to live with my dad, she will get very upset adn like cry and all. What are some good ways i can tell her without her getting so upset? any help is wanted.
I RATE HIGH!!!
Oh honey, I feel for you, I really do. Of course you miss your friends and the happier life you have with them, of course you miss your dad, and still love him, and of course, you don't want to hurt your mother. But you shouldn't feel bad. Remember that pain is above all else something we create in our selves, that if we allow another's actions to hurt us WE are ultimately responsible. (There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, such as abused children, who can and must never be held responsible for the actions of their tormentors.)
But your mother is no such exception. She must understand that the pain you have to go through, the negative energy you expend just on living day to day in lawrenceville is wearing you down, making you ill. Explain matters to her in no less strong terms than that. Obviously, she knows you love her(though telling her won't hurt-I still tell my mum I love her all the time, even though I'm nearly 22 :-)).
Having said all of that, I'm not entirely sure that just packing up and moving back with your dad for good is the answer. You suggest that he's a little inadequate as a father-perhaps weekend parenting is about his limit? (Note I'm not saying this for sure, only wondering aloud). Probably your mother fears for your wellbeing staying with your dad, as much as or more than any division of your affection. My best suggestion is that you move back with your father for a trial period of, say, a month or at most,a quarter.Make clear to all parties the time limitation, at the end of which the rest of the future can be discussed. The very best of luck, and do let me know how it all went. Lucretia xxx.
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thanks so much. im in tears right now but your advice helps soo much.
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