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I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much! (link)
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Well, first of all, at your age, this is totally common. And the way you think isn't entirely your fault. A lot of it has to do with society and their preceptions of people and the way they look on the outside. In my opinion, it's good that you notice and are aware of the way you are thinking/acting. Most people can't even do that. To an extent, you are right. It is hard to maintain an intimate relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to. What you need to ask yourself is if you CARE MORE ABOUT the way he looks, or the way he acts and treats you. It is often times that when we are in a relationship with someone, they become MORE attractive to us after time because we like them so much. Keep that in mind as a future possibility. Also, you might want to think about making yourself have one of those "I don't care what others think" mentalities. Who cares if when you introduce him people are like "Eww". You should be proud of the fact that you get along so well and that he treats you well. I can't make this decision for you. But you know you, better than anyone else. Can you find it within you to look beyond this? Or, if you do presue something with him are you just going to end up hurting him, because that's not fair to either of you. Be honest with yourself. You could tell him that you want to date CASUALLY but don't want a full blown relationship with him yet. That way, you can see what it's like to be on dates, without being too serious. If it doesn't work out, then later on you can say your feelings aren't as strong as they were or you don't think you could commit to him, OR you can realize that looks aren't everything. Just be honest, that's the key. :)
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Rating: 5
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the advice you gave me about my relationship with the not-so-attractive guy was really helpful, thanks a lot! having a mentality that allows me not to care what other people think is not only great advice for solving this problem, but many others as well. thanks again :)
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