Sometimes my advice is good advice, and sometimes it's just an opinion. Sometimes people don't take good advice (ironically.) If everybody would just talk to each other, we'd have world peace, so you probably won't see "just talk to them" in my column.
I worked as a Registered Nurse for a few years so I know a little about health.
I think and read about spiritual things. I answer spiritual questions without trying to convert anyone to my own beliefs. I'm a non-denominational Christian, but I believe everyone has a path to follow, and God is patient, so I answer spiritual questions from where you are.
Gender: Female
Location: FL
Occupation: Old wise woman
Member Since: January 12, 2004
Answers: 327
Last Update: June 8, 2006
Visitors: 16184
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hi can any1 give me some advice, my son is 10 and has no contact with his dad due to my desision as i was scared of what my parents would think of him so i didnt tell them who the father was. 10 years on i cant help wondering what would have happened if he knew he was a father, i pict ure my son and him getting along great watching footie and other sports, then again he might not even want to know his son, what do you suggest (link)
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I think the longer you wait the worse it will be. Do you have contact with the father right now, and know what he is like? Is the father married yet with his own family? All of these things are going to make a difference.
I think you should probably contact the father (first without your son,) but be prepared for any situation that may come from this. Think about it and imagine all the possible outcomes, and plan what you would do.
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is there any way to get rid of freckles? (link)
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Freckles get darker when exposed to sunlight. Wearing sunscreen (where you skin is exposed to sun) may at least keep them lighter.
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i have blonde...little bit lower then shouldner length hair. its kinda shaped like a mullet. but cuter lol. and it goes diagnol from the bangs to behing my ear. anyways.. need a way to style it. and im not poor but my family is having a bit of money problems right now...where can i get cheap clothes that still look really "cool"? i wanna look good 4 my soon 2 be boyfriend and i really really need some new clothes lol. well, thanks 4 any help! bye! (link)
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You can get really cheap clothes at thrift stores. I am not sure if you live in the US, but the Salvation Army and Good Will sell used clothes, and there are other less well known thrift stores. You do have to look longer for good stuff though, because they are often older styles. If you are creative with putting things together, you can look really "cool."
I had a friend that shopped exclusively at thrift stores, and she was not poor at all. She always looked absolute great, and unique.
About your hair, you can experiment with hair products. Some make your hair slick and straight. Others make it curl and wave. You can talk to a hair stylist at a salon to get some advice on which products, or just go to the store, read the lables and take a chance. I personally would ask a stylist.
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There's a building here on campus that was once a dorm--4 stories, brick, built in a U shape with a courtyard in 1926. It has been closed since the mid 80's because of "safety reasons", and I have heard of asbestos, suicides, hauntings, and molestations that have occured there.
The first time I went there, with friends, at night, they went in a window and I kept watch. Not ten minutes later they came tearing back out saying "did you hear that? Did you hear that?" but I had heard nothing but silence--apparently they heard a wailing squeal and thumps and the sounds of pipes striking pipes as they wandered around--but I, just outside the brick wall, heard nothing.
I was suitably weirded out.
When I went again, some time later with a pagan (and grandson of a shamaness) friend, we stood on the walkway that connects the two arms of the building (somewhat raised, hollow and full of pipes, apparently) and something underneath us began to clang, crash, scrape and raise a horrendously loud and erratic noise on the pipes under the walkway--not rhythmic, not explainable. The hairs on my body stood up and I felt energies spiking and swirling all around me. We left pretty quickly.
I was somewhat put off, but I went back--each time feeling the energies very very strongly--the feeling was as if you were walking into the high security prison and up to the cell where Hannibal Lecter is kept. My heart raced and my pupils dilated and I moved silently, respectfully, on a hair trigger.
Each time I came, the kicking would begin in the pipes--hollow, clanging, loud--day or night, no matter what time it was. Sometimes it was forceful, sometimes just a thoughtful tapping.
Over the course of about 4 months, I have frequented that building and become extremely comfortable with it. I named the pipe-kicker Daniel--and I go there after classes to sit on the steps, lean back, and meditate and just be with his energies (it helps me to think of it as 'he'). It has become a powerfully cleansing place, and many philosophical thoughts have come to me since I began to spend time there. Once, in a meditative state, I felt hands touch me ever so gently on my back, and a weight near my shoulder, as if someone had placed their hands on me to look over my shoulder and was leaning close. It was a bizarre but emotionally strong moment.
Here comes the crux, if you've stayed with me this far. The college is tearing down Daniel's (as I think of it) building in order to build a library on top of it. They won't say when they're building it, but they've started digging huge trenches and tearing up and laying in new pipes. There are small backhoes and piles of dirt and stacks of pipes--they have begun to rope off some areas--I can still get to Daniel's walkway, but the stillness of the place is beginning to spoil.
I don't want to lose my connection with the spirit I now think of as my friend. There is another walkway, in a more active dorm (built on the same blueprint, but still open), that I would like to move him to--but how do you move a spirit that may or may not be irrevocably attached to his area?
I know almost nothing about spirits and don't know if he's a manifestation of the building, an aura, a person, or what. Does anyone know if I can safely move him somehow--preserve him--so that I can still feel his presence? It would break my heart to lose Daniel.
I am quite serious about this--any constructive ideas you can give will be appreciated. (link)
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There are a lot of books out there about ghosts, and I vaguely remember reading, or hearing about, other people trying to do this. It may have been a TV program on the Discovery Channel. Sometimes relocating a ghost worked, sometimes not.
If you are really serious about this, go to your library and start to read about ghosts. At the back of most non-fiction books is a list of sources and references, and you can request those books inter-library loan at the reference desk of most libraries. Eventually you will find information on this kind of thing. You could also start with a search at on-line book stores like amazon.com.
An interesting but very scary book on ghosts is "The Demonologist: The Extraordinary Career of Ed and Lorraine Warren" by Gerald Brittle. I recommended this book in an answer to a previous advice question. The Warren's have a theory that there are different kinds of haunting spirits. Some are ghosts, and some are not, but are more evil. The book gives several accounts of hauntings.
My personal feeling is that you should not become extremely attached to any haunting spirit like this. It isn't good for you. You are alive, he isn't. If he is a ghost, he needs to resolve his conflict and move on. You would not help him by trying to "keep" him like a pet. If he is not a ghost, but another kind of haunting spirit, then you are in danger.
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Is there any chance at all of a woman getting pregnant if the man wears a condom, without actual intercourse?
The penis would still be quite close (touching, probably) to the vagina, but not inside. (link)
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Nothing is impossible, but I think it is very unlikely.
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Is it wrong to make plans with one of your best friends and after all the trouble they went thur to ask there parents,they go and make plans with someone else. After you have been planing this since like Sunday. Or is it a signal that they dont wanna be your friend anymore? help
-Me (link)
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It doesn't mean they don't want to be your friend anymore, it just means they are undependable. I would keep this in mind when you make plans with this friend, and have a back up plan if it happens again.
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hey yes i am mormon lds whatever you wanna call it and yes i am excommunicated im not sure what else you wanna know if you wanna know why i am excommunicated just ask and i will let you know maybe you can help not sure (link)
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I am not sure if I can help, either. I have just known more than one LDS person who was excommunicated. The specific reason they excommunicated you is probably not very important. They have very strict rules, different from other churches, and don't allow any questioning of them. They are not considered an ordinary Protestant church.
If you have only gone to an LDS church, you might want to try going to a different kind of church just to see what others believe. Protestant churches believe God forgives when you ask in prayer, and the only rules that apply are from the Bible. LDS uses the "Book of the Mormon" instead of just the Bible, and adds more rules. No other churches follow that book because it was written by Joseph Smith, who none of the other churches believe was a true prophet.
If you believe LDS is the only true church, then all you can do it go back to them and tell them that you believe their beliefs without question and will practice like they have taught you.
My personal feeling is you would be better off investigating other churches.
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me again , guess im still lookin 4 answers y me 1st of all. I get bullied by anyone who sees me in the streets or at school even at m opwn door step tonight they slashed my mums car tyres. The broken in to the car b4 they done this to a few houses on the street but my mums bf blames me just coz i have no friends and e thinks i fucked the kids of so bad that they doing this and the problem is with me. But how half the ppl i dont no i arnt racist , i dont blieve in voilence. I dont go out shoutin my mouth off. Im just a quite girl that doesnt ask for anything. i no this is goin to upset my mum because she's worked hard for everything she owns. i feel so unhappy i cart do anything right even an online relationship every one says ppl go though this all the time but i just wanna die and stop all this pain that i feel maybe then i will stop getting blamed (link)
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How can your mom's boyfriend blame you for that for the bad stuff other kids do? That is not right. My tires were slashed once and I am sure I know who did it, but I blame no one else but them. They are just really messed up kids. It is not you.
You really need someone to talk to who will listen and help you feel better about yourself. It sounds like your mom's boyfriend might be a lost cause if he blames you for something like that. I don't know what your mom is like, but is it possible to spend a little more time with her and tell her how you feel? If that doesn't work, try a school counselor, or maybe a church youth group leader if you feel comfortable with that.
On-line relationships are usually not very good. It is too easy for people to lie. Try to find someone you know in person.
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wats giving somebody a head (link)
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"Giving someone head" is slang for oral sex. It means you put your mouth on thier penis.
This question seems to be asked very frequently on this website. I'm going to suggest a search engine for FAAQ's - Frequently Asked Advice Questions.
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Okay, I like this boy named Joe. We went out for a day but then we broke up because he claimed he didnt know me enough. I still like him but he doesnt like me anymore, well he is saying that atleast. and i sorta believe it because i called him, he knew it was me, and he hung up... ON PURPOSE! how can i get his attention and maybe go out with him again? (link)
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I would not bother him any more. He told you he didn't like you and hung up on you. Why would you want to go out with him? There must be other guys you like. He isn't worth the trouble.
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Well first of all...everyone of my friends are having sex now and im only in the 8th grade...i'll b in high school in a couple months and everybody will be trying to get me to have sex??...should i just try it ..like everybody else..or just tell them that im waiting for a special guy?...but the point is ..is that if im goin out with a guy i might think he is the right guy and go for it but i know we wont last long..will sumone pleez talk to me? (link)
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There are a lot of problems with sex. You could get pregnant or get a really bad disease, even with a condom. There is a failure rate with condoms. It could be absolutely no fun. This is likely if you are not with the right person for the right reason. The guy could talk bad about you later. This happens a lot. You could feel very guilty, sorry, and bad about yourself afterwards.
Your friends who are trying to talk you into it are not the ones taking all these risks. They have nothing to loose. They probably would be happier if you were no longer a virgin, like they aren't. Once you loose your virginity, you can't get it back. Believe it or not, virginity is special to a lot guys.
I would just wait. You won't gain anything by early sex, and could loose a lot.
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I live in a suburb of New York City and I'm a Senior in High School. I'm trying to decide where to go to college. My top 3 choices are Cornell, Florida State, and Miami, and I've already gotten into all three. Miami gave me a lot of money, but Florida State has the best program for what I want to do and Cornell is the closest to home. I love all three campuses and don't care about travelling far away, but I don't want to make the wrong decision.
Any thoughts? (link)
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I would go to Cornell. I live in Florida, and this is a prejudiced answer, but I think northern schools are better. I think Cornell has a better reputation over-all anyway.
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I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any,
Shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
But a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
Without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
To others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need an instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Instead of my chest
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feeling.
I know when ur lying,
You look at the ceiling.
Don't call me a girl,
A babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN,
Get it, you prick? (link)
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Of the 5 poems you posted, this is also my favorite. I like the angry, cynical, sarcastic poems. Anger works better than depression, as long as you don't hurt anyone with it (like in a poem.) It energizes.
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Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all this shit for.
Poeple get mushy and start acting queer,
This is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to be over, come and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up cupids ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak,
And probably wear black the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade,
For all they are trying to do is get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must have not hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit.
So here is my story what more can I say,
Love is a bitch so fuck Valentine's Day (link)
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I like this poem. Although you are expressing a lot of anger here, it made me laugh. I understand your cynicism. Sometimes it is justified, sometimes not, but it is a good poem.
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my sister keeps on asking me if she wants her hair to b dyed a diff. color...her hair is brown with blonde streaks(but she put them in there a few months ago)and she is wondering if she should re-highlight it or dye it a darker color for sumthin new
signed,desprate to know (link)
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Your sister should make up her own mind. You can give her advice and your opinion, but it is up to her. Maybe you can help her come to a decision but just talking about it. Does she like her hair now, or not? What kind of color does she like? What do you think would look good on her?
She can also talk to a hair stylist and get some advice. Sometimes if you color too often (or with the wrong stuff) it damages hair and doesn't work or look good.
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I need help. I am going through a lot at this time of my age. My parents are at the edge of getting divorced, school is getting very difficult and the problem is my whole entire family is counting on me( i am have a extremely very big family).. I have my whole life planed out such as my carreers and the steps i will be taking. so much is going through my mind and i really need some to trust and talk to not only for a day. Any suggestions.
P.S. i have even bigger problems than this and i am only 13. (link)
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I don't know if you have a church but sometimes youth ministers are good people to talk to.
It sounds like you believe that you have a lot of responsibility for every one else. Your family members probably can take care of themselves better than you give them credit for. Also, you can't take good care of others until you take care of yourself first, so try not to put yourself last.
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I've always been curious about this. If anyone had ever talked to a ghost, or almost died, and came back to tell about it, I'd like to hear your story. I never have done either, and I wonder what it is like, and if this is for real. (link)
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There are several books about "near death experiences" where people have technically died, then were revived. One example is "Life After Life" by Raymond Moody, who interviews people who have had this experience. Go to Amazon.com or some other on-line book store and put "near death experience" in the search to find more. I haven't read any of them myself.
I haven't had a near death experience, although I did have surgery and when you are asleep on an operating table, who knows what happens. I woke up unable to speak because they put a tube down my throat.
I believe in ghosts. I may have seen a ghost (or been dreaming with my eyes open) but it was no one I knew, and I did not speak to it. I have talked to other people who have seen ghosts, too.
There is another book called "The Demonologist: The Extraordinary Career of Ed and Lorraine Warren" by Gerald Brittle. It is a really scary book, because it give accounts of hauntings, and explains thier theory of the difference between supernatural phenomon like ghosts and demons. The more recent version has been altered and doesn't have the photos, but maybe that is a good thing.
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how does the penis fit in the vagina? the hole is small does it open up or something and get bigger?i really want to know this help! (link)
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When you are having sex, are attracted to the other person, and the person is doing the right things, the body automatically will cause the vagina to open and get wet. When you are a virgin it can be a little tight, but after you have had sex a few times there will be no problem.
Be very sure that you are having sex with the right person for the right reasons.
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Im on this site as in advice giver but obviously i cant take my own advice, im just not good at it.. i just need to know how to deal with my sexual life. Im a bisexual, and it is out to most people (i only tell people i trust) i feel that i cant tell anyone else because some people already hate me and think that just because im a girl i have to like guys, but thats not what i choose, i like both sexes. And i dont want anyone else to hate me forever because of what i choose to do with my life. Most of my real friends except that im bi and dont mind bein around me, but others who dont except it, make sure other dont either, or they make dirty looks, or say and do terrible things to me. I try to say that im not bi anymore so that i dont have to be humilliated by my peers. I just dont know what to do anymore, but i dont want people to hate me for my sexual life, it doesnt seem right, is there anyone who can help me? (link)
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Sometimes people are just ignorant. There will always be people who don't like you no matter what the situation. It is just a fact of life. I have had people hate me for no reason I could figure out. Just believe that is it their problem and not yours.
Being bi is a little harder because there are more people who react to that negatively. I am not sure what business it is of theirs anyway what you do with your sex life. It helps if you just believe in yourself and have self confidence. Focus on your talents and good points. Remember it is their problem for not liking you. You are who you are.
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I'm 24 and have been married for 6 years.My husband is 32.My husband has sex with me when I'm asleep.When he sees that I'm waking up he stops.When I ask him about it he tries to denie it.I've told him that it upsets me but he keeps doing it.I don't know what to do.He also watches porn alot and masterbates.He tries to hide that from me.I've tried to join him but he won't let me.Then when I say something he just denies it.I feel very hurt by this and I don't know what to do.Please help. (link)
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Warning - very disturbing answer ahead!
Your husband is kinky. Having sex with a sleeping person, or an unconscious person, is similar to having sex with a dead person, or necrophilia. I hope he doesn't work at a hospital, or in the medical field where people are drugged to unconsciousness.
I would leave him. Of course he needs psychiatric help, but that only works if the patient is very motivated to change. I have little faith that psychologists can change people who have a sexual abberation.
It is a difficult and sad situation. You have my sympathy.
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