A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Now, I've never had any beer before, not even a sip -- but I've smelled it, and from what I've smelled I don't think it would taste very good. So I've been wondering lately, why do most people drink beer? Because they like the taste, because they like the effect it has on them, or because they want to fit in? Why do you personally drink beer (or any other alcoholic beverage, really)?
Thanks. (link)
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Hah. Sorry, the end question was amusing.
Intoxicants are taken for fun. Thats the simplest way to put it.
Now, to go in depth.
Many young people begin drinking because of peer pressure. Peer pressure in this area amounts to there being a group of kids who drink, and they don't want to be wrong so they encourage others.
You know, because if someone your age with just as bad judgment as you have drinking because you told them to makes you right, somehow.
Now, people do intoxicants for two reasons. Fun, and addiction.
Intoxicants done for fun are done for the affects. Usually, the two biggest things people gain is physical sensation and loss of inhibitations.
- Physical Sensation - Lets give a historical example. Often times in the past before modern medicine, people who had to deal with medical procedures were given alcohol to get them drunk. Drunk people have a much higher pain threshold, and in the time before anesthetics this was the easiest way to dull the pain for someone who had to be operated on.
In today's times, you feel less physical pain, and sensations just feel somewhat different. People use words to describe it, but there is actually a sensation to "feeling drunk". Hard to describe for me, I havent gotten drunk in well over a year.
- inhibitations - Basically, social anxiety and self conciousness. Some people drink alcohol because they are too shy to be "the life of the party" without it in their own opinions. Often times people who do this end up removing too much self conciousness and then you hear things like "naked pictures on myspace" bandied around your school.
Basically, people want to do something, but feel too stupid. So they drink because regardless of them BEING stupid they don't feel stupid. Usually they end up being far more stupid in the end than they wanted to be (again, resulting in things like guys spreading naked pictures of girls who got just a little too drunk the night before)
Addiction... Well with something like alcohol people desire the laid back "I don't care about anything right now" effect alcohol can have. Most people who become addicted to alcohol are people who have alot to care about and don't want to, so they use alcohol to try to escape feelings of worry or insecurity. A large number of habitual addictions (to anything, TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Drugs, even work) form because the person is trying to run away from some part of their life and they find an activity they can sink into that lets them forget about their problems.
My former boss was like this with work. He owned the restaurant I was working at, and his wife basically runs the house and the order of importance is his wife, his kid, him in everything. So he goes to work constantly (more than 70 hours a week on a slow week) to get away from his family because of how bad things are at home right now. I would definitely call him a work-aholic, and while he is more productive than an alcoholic would be, he is still destroying himself and his personal life by working way too much, because work is his escape.
Its a different example, but if you switched out "alcohol" with "work" the only difference is he'd probably be having money issues as well as everything else thats bad for him right now. He has a productive addiction.
Taste wise... I don't know. I have tried to develop a taste for beer since I was a teenager and have not succeeded. It tastes like bitter water if its cheap beer, and like a good flavor mixed with bitter water if its good beer.
I'm long since old enough to drink, I prefer wine or actual liquor or nothing at all. Stopped drinking beer in college because there was so much of it around. My way of dealing with peer pressure, in an environment where if I drank it once in a while people would be trying to get me to drink it all the time, I didn't drink beer at all and was known for it, so after about two months people just left me alone about it.
But to answer your question in short, people drink beer for any and all of the reasons you asked about, sometimes more than one at a time. But the core motivation is either the feeling of "being drunk" or to make themselves more likely to do things they otherwise wouldn't.
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so there is this student teacher in our class and i see him everyday (when i'm at school of course) and he's so attractive and has an amazing smile. i'm only 16 and he's 22 or 23. to me that's just weird. but i know i couldn't have him, because the age difference and he's technically a teacher. i don't know what it is, but i know i like older guys. they just seem to be better than some of the immature guys at my school.
he is a teacher and that's never going to happen. should i stop thinking about him? should i just not worry about it? (link)
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Yes, you should. (Stop thinking about him)
Guys are stupid. Especially young guys, though he's probably a bit older than 22.
As such, you should endeavor to provide him ZERO opportunity for flirty interaction. Doing anything that even seems inappropriate could get him canned and ruin his life.
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I'm 17 and a highschool senior and I am having MANY issues with my parents. They only hear the negative things. I was telling my mom how I excused myself from my senior government class due to the fact that I get very aggitated during
political debates and kindly explained this to my teacher so he let me leave the classroom for the first thirty minutes. The teacher is extremely flexible and did not have any problem with this at all. When telling my mom an entirely different
story I mentioned this and she went on this whole rant about how I can't do that because the teacher will take it as me saying 'I don't want to do this because I don't feel like it so I'm leaving'. This is just one example of their selective hearing. I constantly feel critisized by my father. It's a very simple example, but
I am an art student and whenever I show him anything I do he immediatly goes to what's negative and never even mentions what appears to be good or positive. I know it may seem like I'm nit-picking, but when this happens constantly and in almost every aspect, I just feel drained. They put so much pressure on me to do wellin school and take on adult responsibilities, but at the same time still treat me like a child. I'm getting tired of having to play both roles. My father never knocks before comming in my room even when the door is closed, so I must constantly lock it which he hates. The other night at 11:30 I was changing into different
outfits to see what I would wear to school the next day because I couldn't fall asleep. My father came upstairs and banged on the door telling me to 'Unlock it this instant'. Naturally, he didn't knock before trying to open it, prior to finding out the door was locked. It took me a few minutes to unlock it because I
had to change and when he came in he was furious and told me to go to bed 'this instant' and to keep my door open. I told him I wanted it shut because he makes too much noise downstairs and we argued for a few minutes about that until he told me 'If you were a dog I'd send you to obediance training' before slamming my door shut
behind him. Call me crazy, but I feel at 17 almost 18, a curfew is unecessary. If
I'm tired the next day at school, that's my fault and I'll deal with it. I always get treated in a childish way, but then be expected to approach everything else such as my studies as an adult. When I get into an argument with a teacher, my
dad rushes to call the school to talk to them to handle it. I'm so embarassed by this because it makes me seem as through I cannot fight my own battles, which I think I am perfectly capable of. He goes through my room and my personal things, which he has no reason to because I do not drink, do drugs, or smoke. He wasn't
going to let me sleep over my friends house after homecomming because I though I was tricking him and would be sleeping over my boyfriends house instead. I never lied to them about where I was. They tell me I don't appreciate them and that I
have it easy, they also tell me I'm nieve. I know there's a lot of things I don't know about because I'm not old enought to have lived them yet, but I am not nieve. They think I'm sheltered from things like drugs, abuse, etc. but I know more about those things than they even realize. I was sexually harassed when I was 14 by a 19 year old guy, so when they tell me I've never gone through anything difficult it upsets me so much. I know it's my fault for not telling them, but they shouldn't assume things like that. They tell me they 'never say no to me' and 'give me anything i want', but the reason they always say yes is because i ask for simple things such as going to the mall with my friends or going midnight bowling. I never go to parties and go right home after school. If anything, I feel as though I am underappreciated. They buy me everything because my mom won't let me work school days so I can't get a job, it's not my fault I don't have money. I feel like when I
turn 18 I'm just going to go completely out there and my parents won't know how to handle it. I try to talk to them, but they only hear what they want to. How can I get through to them (link)
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Oi.
Helicopter Parents.
Your parents are not ready to let go of their image of you as a beautiful innocent snowflake. Not by half. The "adult" parts of it are just them doing everything they can to "prepare" you for the point at which they lose control.
I had it much the same as you. I come from a catholic background, and raising children is seen very strictly in the light of "responsibility" rather than a part of your life you take joy in.
I had little to no privacy, no lock on my door, no knocking, etc. I'm a guy, so walking in when I'm in my boxers wasn't as big a deal, but my room would get searched from top to bottom about once a month. And the things I did, I never once got caught doing, so they didn't have any justification for it.
At this point, honestly, its probably too late. Parents are conditioned to be uncomfortable with their children's activities regardless of what they are. Example.
I didn't get to drive anything regularly until almost 17. I had a car that I paid more than half for and was in my name, but I wasnt allowed to take it out, or even drive to school. I got picked up from football, taken home, and I drove to work at night after (as opposed to driving myself to school and going to straight to work after, allowing me more time on shift)
When I finally pushed for the right to drive myself to school, they went ape shit.
I was holding a job, playing football, and making straight As across the board with a few exceptions, high Bs in chemistry and Algebra 2. But I couldn't be trusted to drive myself to school. I might skip or something, having this freedom. (Which I couldnt do, football requires attendance of classes)
My solution was moving out. I know its not what you want to hear, but its probably the only way this is ending. Moving out and going to college in another city was what saved me.
Basically, get into a college you can move to, move into the dorms, and keep your shit together. When you take adult responsibilities and refuse to allow them to treat you like a child, and prove that you ARE an adult, they really can't say much else to you about it. My girlfriend chose that method. She graduated a year early, and moved out on her own unsupported. Her parents had to acknowledge that they no longer had anything to hold over her head to get her to comply, and now treat her as an adult.
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I want to be a psychologist as a career. I really enjoy learning about how the human mind works, it's just really fascinating.
I was wondering if someone could explain to me how much schooling I would actually need to become a counseling psychologist.
I have researched different careers a person can have if they have a Psychology degree, but I just don't know how many years of college I need to get the degree. A few websites mentioned something about a doctorate? If I wanted to be a counselor of some kind, like a psychotherapist, would I need to go to medical school? (link)
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Counselor is masters. 6 years.
Psychologist or psychiatrist is doctorate. 8 years +
Don't major in psychology unless you're committed to grad school. A psyche degree is as worthless as an arts degree if you don't take it at least to a masters.
Heres how you figure it out.
Are you interested in helping people with relationship problems? Talking to people about life problems, empathizing with them, etc? Or do you want to talk to and work with people who have genuine disorders?
A counselor could do things like marriage counseling, school counseling, and similar pursuits.
A psychiatrist is going to be someone with an office and a practice who helps people with genuine disorders and with personality problems that can be solved a variety of ways, including medically.
I'm going for the second, because I want to have some work with actual psychiatry. I'm interested in how the human mind works and how it sometimes doesnt work, but I also plan to do alot of marriage/family counseling along the way.
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14/f
For so long I've been wanting a boyfriend. One of my friends always gets a boyfriend when she wants one. She is pretty and nice, she is smart. I'm different from other people in my group of friends. All of us are different. I'm kinda shy but I can be outgoing if I actually talk to a person more. But I've had 3 boyfriends which was like 2 years ago. Now I don't even think boys like me. Some have called me hot and all that but seriously. I think I will never get a boyfriend. Is is like weird to be thinking this? I know what most people will say. The right guy will come. But I want to at least know what its like to have a boyfriend since it was when I was in 7th grade I hardly remember anything. I don't think I'm really ugly and I'm not really skinny either. Is the reason my friend gets a boyfriend is because of the way she looks at acts? She is more of "emo" type girl but really pretty. I dress in brighter colors and I don't know. I just want to know if there is any chance or if I'm too weird or something thats making this hard for me. Maybe I'm just losing it or something. But this has been on my mind for a very long time. (link)
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Its because youre shy.
Shy people are hard to approach. They don't give a whole lot away, and so you never know what to say to them in order to get them to do more than stare awkwardly at you.
Its mostly just not knowing how to talk to you.
How to combat it? Try to be more talkative. If someone starts to engage you in conversation, talk back about something, try not to blank out.
Another thing. Shyness is also body language. Two ways you can combat that.
- Eye contact. Looking people in the eye shows attention on them and confidence in yourself. Its easier to talk to people who look you in the eye.
- Smiles. Smiles let people know everything is ok. It doesnt have to be a big smile, but someone who smiles when you interact with them is infinitely easier to do so with, because you are getting positive feedback.
Work on these, and guys will probably approach you more frequently and talking will be easier. Beyond that, just get out there and socialize. The more you do it, the easier it is.
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okay so me and my boyfriend have had problems a couple of times. we've only been together for like two weeks and we already have problems. so this time,I told him I how I felt about him.I mean like I nearly pour my heart out to him but all he can say is ok,oh,yeah,and awww. it's like he's talking fresh to me.I told him how I felt afterwards and he's like baby ima go sleep.I love you.bye. wth is that! I'm over here trying to talk to him about it but he's gonna go sleep.it's like he doesn't care.he always and I mean always do that.I don't wanna break up with him because I love him too much and naw I ain't young and it ain't early. what should I do? I love him too much to even break up with him. (link)
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Two weeks?
Too much too fast, both of you.
You aren't in love with anyone after two weeks. At two weeks you shouldn't be as invested in him as you are.
As stated below, pouring out your heart that you love someone two weeks in is considered a danger sign by most people. Sometimes a deal breaker.
Yes, you're young. Yes, its early. You need to cool your jets a little bit here.
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I'm (almost) 21 f, he's 23. Long story as short as I can make it, we dated officially for about nine months in '05-'06. Our relationship kinda sucked, neither of us were ourselves (I was a scared creature in a new environment and he was medicated for depression), and he was emotionally abusive. I ended it after he basically pushed me to it. Somehow, we wound up in kind of an on-and-off friends with benefits relationship, and I was okay because I just wanted his attention. I tried to move on, dated someone else, and ran into my ex after 2 months. All the feelings were still there, and I pretty much ran back into his arms, but not into a relationship. (He's a recently admitted commitmentphobe (after I pointed it out, he said "...you're right.")) We had some problems. His family hates me for no reason, and he cared more about what they thought than about me. In light of that, I said I never wanted to see him again.
He contacted me a few hours later in tears. After talking for awhile, I agreed to be pen pals, so we weren't completely out of contact. We stayed out of touch for a week, until he called me, begging for another chance. I almost said no, but after he promised me his family would never get in the way of our friendship again, I decided to give him sort of a trial period. If he messed up even once in any way reminiscent of our past, he was gone for good. I didn't tell him about this plan. It's been a month and things are...really different.
He's taken me out, he's promising dinner, drinks, and some sort of impressive present for my birthday, which is coming up in three weeks, he makes a point to see me every day, even if it's just for an hour at the coffee shop between classes.
We're moving closer, and he's really turning back into my best friend. We're both much happier now that he's decided he needs me in his life. He's much more open, we're together all the time, and physically closer, too. We hug and cuddle and stuff again, and a few nights ago, he said "I love you." I responded in kind, but now I feel ultimately confused. I don't know where this leaves us now. Are we headed back towards a relationship? Do I even want to go that route?
I told him we couldn't be as close as we were, that too much had happened between us for me to be able to open up to him again, but at the same time I can feel myself doing it. I know I should have my guard up more than ever, but for some reason I don't, and I don't know what's going on. I just need an outside eye to analyze the situation, if someone can.
Thanks in advance. =) (link)
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Youre already back in a relationship. You both cuddle, you just said I love you to each other, and are doing all the things that you do in a relationship except talking about things as much as you apparently need to be.
As to opening up, only time will tell.
I'm in a 4 year relationship. A year ago today, we had an absolutely terrible break up. We were apart two months, and are now back together again.
I still don't fully trust her. I open up more on some occasions than others, but there is still a rift there.
The only advice I can give you, is different people have different abilities to close that rift. Ours is slowly healing, yours very well could, too. Whether you can heal all the way is an individual question you need to decide for yourself if you want to explore.
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so theres this guy i like. he likes me to. and i think we might go out. nd we will hang out, im sure. the thing is.... im nervous b/c ive only hooked up with one boy and what if im a bad kisser? or what if im bad at bj/hj? ppl say he wont care if he likes me. but how can i get better? i dont want to leave a bad impresion. (link)
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Sexual favors are like winning the lottery.
Even if you just win 25 bucks, you're happy.
And as long as we can still play, we know theres always a chance for that jackpot.
Look at it this way. Sex is a skill. Its something that you have to gain experience at, learn, and get better at. Everyone sucks when they start out to some degree.
If all else fails, ask him. "Do you like this? Want me to do something else?"
Communication is a good thing.
Oh, and one other thing.
Hooking up is a terrible idea. Blowjobs, hand jobs, sex, these things are not as casual as a hug or a handshake, or even a kiss.
Several very practical reasons.
1) Hooking up exposes you to STDs. It seems like a ghost risk. I remember in high school, STDs were something that we did sometimes think "Oh that doesnt really happen to anyone"
I found out later, it happened plenty, just that the people who got them were really, really quiet about it.
2) You won't get better through hook ups. Simple as that. If you are with a loving boyfriend in a decent long term relationship, you get to experiment. You can try new things. How does this feel compared to how that felt yesterday, that sort of thing. You will be comfy enough around him to do things like this.
Hook ups? Every time you have any sexual contact will be just like the last. Unfamiliar, and with a guy who more than likely cares much more about getting off than doing anything for you.
The simplest answer to your question is that all sexual contact should be with a guy you are actually officially dating, not with a guy you like after hanging out a few times and thinking that you might want to date him.
How teens got the order of Dating --> Sex so turned around I have no idea.
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I appreciate your advice. Thankyou! The problem is- I miss talking to him too, you see, he and I were really close friends before we started dating and it ended pretty ugly... I think maybe partly because we were so comfortable with each other that we didn't care how much we hurt the other person because we thought we would be able to forgive ourselves for it- kind of like how you can be meaner to your closest friends and family because you know they will always be there and will forgive you.
That being said, I think it's important that we don't get back into a relationship. But I really miss having him there like we were before we dated and screwed it all up. What do I do?? I miss my best friend but I really don't want to risk starting another relationship with him, it hurts too much when it doesn't work and from the past, we've found out multiple times that it doesn't work. Suggestions? (link)
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Hmm.
Thats a tough one. Separating out feelings of friendship from feelings of romance is difficult or nigh impossible for most people. Ive tried it before with little success.
To be honest, I don't speak to my exes for this reason. Friendship leads to hanging out, hanging out leads to cuddling, which an hour later leads back into sex and suddenly we're trying to figure things out again. The cycle repeats until one of us ends up hating the other one, or one of us breaks off all contact permanently.
This has happened to me like 4 times in my lifetime =/
The only way I can imagine something like that working is if both of you mutually do not WANT each other outside of pure friendship anymore. Rare, rare thing to happen. Beyond that, do the best you can, but two people who want each other and try not to... you're fighting human nature there. That rarely works.
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Hello,
My name is molly and I am 25 years old.I am looking for someone to talk to and be friends with.I am having a hard time in my life right now. (link)
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I can understand that. Feeling alone is never fun.
I have a pretty irregular schedule these days, and I don't spend tons of time online.
Send me an aim name and when you're generally online and I'll try to start up a conversation that way, or you can send me some details here. I'm never on aim anymore of my own accord, but if you let me know a time after 11 or 12 pm on a day I'll respond back and let know if I can be online.
I'll jump online as spirit fox75 for the moment. Its 9:27 central but no clue if I'll be able to be on long.
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I have been a christian off and on since I was 13. I am 22 years old now. When I was younger I have always had some sort of sexual curiosity not knowing where it all started? I am not sure why. I started playing with the idea since I hit my puberty stage. My first time was with my high school sweetheart at 15.
Long story short, I have been very sexual subconsciously and never really had a PROBLEM with controlling my urges. I also started masterbating at a young age. I believe my urges became almost non-existent after I had my son who is now 2. I started to become disgusted with it, and I was also seriously devoting my life to the Lord, puting my past behind me especially now that my new goalk was to be a Godly mother for my son.
My one weakness is my baby daddy who is also my high school sweetheart whom I have known for almost 10 years. Regardless of how disgusted with sex I was with anyone else, I can never refuse or not want to be with him. Although we never married we have always had a deep relationship, we are not together now, but we are still very close. I could honestly say I love him unconditionally and he does also, but marriage is far from our minds because of our past insecurities, God still needs to heal. I know that continuing like this hinders the relationship with God we both yearn for, and I am starting to feel that our love making is becoming more lustful because it is not right in our hearts always.
Another thing is that there is a powerful retreat coming up for the both of us, and I have heard stories of how the enemy will distract us from being empowered by the works of God. My urges has intensified within the last week. Everyday for hours I cant stop thinking about it. I pray, and pray... God is supposed to deliver me from this spirit. I just want to pounce on my baby daddy like an animal. I want to make love for hours! If I had a penis, I would have a boner all day. I know that since I was delivered from my natural sexuality,I had one demon to deal with and now Im dealing with seven. Everything I fought against in the past, I let the enemy manipulate me and now I have an almost impossible battle trying to get into the "purity" place I once was in. I know I need cleansed, I know I am a sinner, I am not perfect. How do you control something like that, I know urges are natural, but how could I refrain even from even masterbating (which is so unsatisfactory) at this point? I dont like how I feel, or what I am struggling with. Is it a psychological issue as well? I dont believe I have had to struggle with something that is so emotionally and physically intense before. And the funny thing, is its not like I want to go hump random guys or even things, its my yearning for my baby daddy. (link)
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...
Sexual urges are not evil. They aren't a response to demons or something evil,ugly, or unholy.
They are a biological drive to seek reproduction and intimacy.
Past insecurities about marriage? I'm really not sure what you mean. I mean, if you have a kid together, love each other, and want to fuck each other's brains out (excuse the language) then there shouldn't be that much of a problem here... I don't know exactly what "insecurities" means in this context, but if it means what it usually does, then I say that not doing things you want to do because you are insecure is a bad way to make decisions.
Sex is many things. It is love, it is raw animal lust, it is playful, it is comforting. It is a gift, regardless of whether you think its a holy gift or just an amazingly lucky coincidence of the universe. We are the only beings we know of, the only ones on the planet who gain everything out of love and sex that we do.
I mean, what is seriously going to happen here? You marry the guy, are consumed by carnal lust, and become unable to be a good person? Do you know any married couples who fit that description? I don't.
The reason the lust is so strong is that stress builds on people. Lack of satisfaction of sexual drives builds stress just like work or drama or any of a million other things in our lives can.
Add to that, varying sex drives. Sexual drive is more powerful in some than others. I have a friend who lost his virginity at 19. More because he didn't have enough sex drive to seek it out, and it took a girl who liked him enough to pursue it for herself before he finally did.
You, by comparison, have a high sex drive. Its not a bad thing, its just that you have a higher capacity for desire (and thus, can suffer alot more from lack of sexual satisfaction)
I don't know. I would love to give you advice on how to resist the urges, but I can't. Because resisting natural sexual urges to the point that you don't marry the man you love because of how much you want to ravage each other, or whatever, is not healthy. Its not good for the psyche, and I would venture to say that it is not good for the soul, either.
You have been taught all your life that what you feel is wrong. Its not my place to tell you that what you were taught is wrong, but I will say that I strongly disagree with that perspective.
Send me a private question if you'd like to talk more, as I honestly don't think I understand the entire situation enough to be of much help beyond what I've posted.
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Hey in legend of zelda orcarina of time i went to the gerrudo training grounds i accidently wasted all the keys on the wrong path to get the ice arrows. is there a way to hav everything reseted so i can start over the training grounds and get the ice arrows? please answer but plz dont say i hav to erase my slot and start over. plz answer as soon as possible. (link)
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::Edit:
wow, sorry, somehow that gamefaqs link turned into MSNBC
http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/n64/game/197771.html
Try that one
The answer to every single question you could possibly have is on that website.
To answer this specific one, I think if you go outside it resets. If not, travel through time and back and it should definitely reset.
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Do you think that people need social interaction to get by? Or could someone get by being alone? As in no friends, and pulling away from family members.
I ask because lately I've been having a way easier time being alone because people I get close to only end up hurting me. But then again, I'm pretty lonely. I can't really win either way. =\
I just wondered what your opinions are. (link)
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No, its not easier being alone. Its actually quite worse.
Being alone, means that you have only yourself to rely on. It means that you have only your strength to help you through anything.
Often, this world can eat a single person alive without a second thought.
Thats the point of friends and family. People who are there for you as much as they can be. People who shore up your determination and resolve, and at times your ability to be happy when you alone just can't cut it.
No man or woman is an island. No person can stand alone. We weren't designed that way. One of the few things science and religion agree on is that humans are social animals. We require more than just ourselves to stay sane.
Friendships can hurt. I know, I too have been hurt alot in my life.
But, there are those out there who will not hurt you. Those who can be trusted. They are few and far between, but when you find them, you don't let go. The hurt is worth what comes from a friend you can trust.
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okay, so ive known this girl for since 6th grade. were now both in 10th grade and we have been on and off. the reason why, is guys.
okay. so now THIS time a guy that she likes [she never told me that she liked him] likes me, and he told me and i told her. and honestly, shes being a huge bitch[sorry about the language] about this whole situation. shes getting so many people involved and getting all these people to hate me. the guy likes me because im laied back and im chill, and shes just always buggin' and shit.
shes in this situation where she likes about 3 or 4 guys. justin[the one that likes me], noah, grant and her BOYFRIEND! jake. their currently on a break, and their not going to get back together.
heres a texting convorsation we had today:
me: we need to talk.. badly. give me a call.
her: what is there to talk about? Honestly... and btw i heard from ppl that you and justin were just messing aroudn with me. if thats true then you just fucked up big time.
me: we wed me. what crime did i do? nothing
me: wow that text got messed up. he told me that he likes me, thats nothing bad on my part.
her: Laura im done with this shit, if you guys were honestly just trying to piss me off you should of known what was gunna happen. he doesnt like YOU your just easy so thats why hes going for you, and you knew i liked him and yet you do this.
me: oh my god christie, i didnt do anything. im not easyyy... can you just call me or IM me later and be mature about this?
her: ill call you but im done ! realize that now.. you fucking backstab me with almost every guy and im done.. and you werent so mature yourselfeither talkin shit about me to becca and bekki!
me: i wasnt saying shit... lmao
your the one who is calling me a bitch and a slut whe nyou know im not a slut.
her: you so were and yeah.. i was calling you that dont fucking deny anything.
me: hahaha are you kidding? i said your a bitch for taking this so outta hand.
this is just going to continue for hours.
so when she calls me, what should i say to her? shes such a bitch and we seriously had to many plans together for our sweet 16. and now their just ruined and shes one of my best friends and she knows everything about me and i know everything about her...... it was just so awkward today with her coming to my lunch period pulling everyone aside and telling them whats going on and they dont even get MY side of the story.
(link)
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::Edit::
Heh, you're nursing a bit of a justified superiority complex. Its good to see someone your age strong enough in their convictions to genuinely condemn behavior like your "friend" is exhibiting as opposed to just shrugging it off. People like her should not be encouraged.
Anyway, a few extra words of advice, from someone who is not at all unlike you.
You have a strong sense of judgement and confidence in your own sense of right and wrong. People can't blow smoke up your ass and expect you to be happy about it.
Thats going to cause you problems in life. Especially when you run into those truly worthless individuals who thrive on drama and bullshit. Seeing through other people's insecurities and lies, and not being the type of person to be shouted down when you're right, drama mongers will not like you because you are like this.
Don't ever let someone know what you think of them. Anyone who is not worthy of your respect is not worthy of knowing you feel this way so that they can dislike you in return and make your life harder. They will, given the opportunity.
Be honest with your friends and polite to everyone else, and always keep the assholes and drama mongers in their place. The best victory over these kind of people is being completely invunerable to their BS. People who like drama don't know what to do with someone who's buttons they can't press.
Ive got a guy like this at work. He's a severe drama monger, and he ALWAYS finds something to bitch at me about. 5-6 times a shift, minimum.
Its always something else, and he's always pissed off because I completely ignore him, don't even twitch when he's sarcastic, and then smile at him and say "please" and "thank you"
And every time I smile at him, he knows I think he's trash, and that I'm a better person than he is, and that there is nothing he can do to change that, or affect me.
Wow, that came out alot more arrogant than I intended it to, but you see my point.
Think about what I just wrote. These are lessons I had to learn, being as confident in myself as you seem to be. You can see from this "friend" you're already starting to get this reaction. If you learn to manage it, you will at the least never worry about compromising yourself because of people like her ever in your lifetime.
The other part, is confidence in yourself inevitably leads to arrogance. You can see that I still have a good bit of that brewing myself. You might not be nearly as bad, but it will probably be something you encounter yourself sometimes.
Find some good friends. Two or three will do. People who's opinions you respect, and who you trust enough that you can use them kind of as a compass. Family can work well too, if you have a good relationship with them. Anyone you respect enough to point you in the right direction at those times when you aren't sure yourself.
You need someone to keep you honest. Someone who can give you a respectable opinion of when your head is the size of a hot air balloon. You always want to have a few people you can trust who can give you a clear view of yourself from the outside. People like this let you make sure that strong moral compass you have stays pointed north.
::/Edit::
Lordy Lordy.
Ok.
You, are a gem. You are one of the few. Based on what you've expressed here and how you expressed it, you are a girl who is not self centered to the point of irrationality. Thats relatively rare in this day and age.
Your "friend" by comparison, is exactly what you have labeled her as.
A bitch. A self centered irrational immature girl who goes absolutely insane when the world shows her that she isnt the center of the universe.
Ignore her. The next time you interact, explain to her very calmly that the universe doesnt revolve around her and whom she likes, and that if she can't figure that out she isnt going to be worth much to anyone. Tell her that she's already ruined your friendship by being immature because she cannot handle the idea that someone she finds attractive finds you more attractive than her. Explain that throughout her life she will always have to watch guys go for someone better than her, because "better than her" is such a broad category at this point, and if she wants to change that she needs to be less of a bitch, not more.
Your perspective in this is understandable. Its flattering to be liked, even if you don't plan on acting on it. But her reaction is completely off the charts of acceptable, and you should not continue being her friend. If anyone asks you about anything, tell them the truth. Other than that, tell her to shut her damn mouth, because it only makes her look bad to be spreading shit about someone she called a friend a few weeks ago.
Makes HER look like the back-blading asshole.
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so im pretty sure my friends and i will have a halloween party.
im in college and most of them are too. i am 5'1 with black medium length hair. id like to know what kind of costume i should get.
i dont want to look "slutty" nor like a little kid. i dont want to be like a sexy witch or anything :) i dont want to have to dye my hair either and no websites please. im sorry if i seem picky as well.
my bf might come into town on halloween so i want to look good. if that matters!!! im 18!!! (link)
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::Feedback Response::
At least I deigned to answer to give you an idea of a question you could ask that anyone other than I would respond to. You notice no one else bothered?
::/feedback response::
Terribly vauge.
No links, no information about what you'd like except that you don't want to be slutty or childish.
Just think about what you want, and figure out how to make a costume.
Perhaps if you came to us with an idea and needed to execute it, help could be given.
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So it goes like this.. me and this guy have been friend for about 3-4 yrs. I had feelings for him in the beginning but they subsided b.c. "we're friends" and i didnt want to ruin that. I always said i would only get with him if he told me he wanted to be with me first.. one day about 3 weeks ago we were hanging out and he kissed me. for about a week and a half after that i would get txts everyday and we'd always talk but then the txts stopped coming. we would chill and still kiss but i wasnt sure on letting him go further. when i denied him the txts really never came and now idk what to do. i want to tell him that i have feelings for him but i dont want to look dumb. I dont want him to hurt me b.c. i dont want to jeoprodize our friendship.. URGH what do i do? (link)
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Contrary to popular belief, talking is actually a good thing in situations like this.
Ask him when you can hang out. Be honest with him. Ask him to be honest with you. Ask him what he wants and tell him what you want. Don't go into "I want babies and marriage" just stay on "I like you, and want to date you"
So on and so forth.
Oh, and on his behavior.
Theres a pretty good chance that he hasnt said anything because when you denied him, he didn't know why or what it meant. He is some level of embarassed and dismayed.
Talk to him. Face to face. Smile at him to reassure him. Kiss him again.
Things will work out fine.
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Okay here it goes ( i posted asking for help but wouldn’t say what but now I decided to just say everything)..I have a boyfriend of 9 months as of the first of October he lives five hours away, well I kind of want a relationship here and lately we’ve been really disagreeing on things. i admit, i smoke marijuana but i really don’t think that its that bad.but yeah, i do it during lunch at school but have c's or higher in all my classes but one. My boyfriend hates it that i get high period. I want to stop for him but i love being high it feels so much better than sobriety and another thing i used to be bulimic but i stopped for three months but like a week ago i gave up and started throwing up. my boyfriend also doesn’t approve of this i know what i do is bad and wrong but its my body and my life. Its not i don’t want to be with him because he wont let me do what i want. I really want someone here. But you see every time we break up he gets emotional and cries and gets way too over dramatic. He’s tried to kill himself over me.=/ I don’t wanna break his heart but I want someone here. but yeah i really don’t know what to do about any of this on here so help pleaseee! (link)
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Oi.
You both have different issues, but the long and short of it is this isnt going to work.
You want to do what you want to do, if you give in it gives him excuse to stifle you on any other issue he feels important.
He is emo and over dramatic. Suicide over a relationship is not normal. Personally, I would not stay with a person who did something like that. Sorry, but emotional blackmail and extreme self harm or attempts at it don't fly here, etc.
Some combination of this is going to come out of your mouth eventually. You might smoke pot but you seem to have a somewhat more level head than he does.
Break up and find someone who fits you more and isnt a suicide risk. And consider talking to a counselor or something about the bulimia.
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15/f
I just found out a week ago that a lot of my friends are sexually active. And I'm not, like at all.
I don't want to just find a random guy and do sexual things with him, but the way my friends talk about it...they kinda tell me in a condescending way. Like "Oh yes, I did this...and oh there's little Jane over there, still innocent." They aren't being mean or anything and they don't mean to say it like that I don't think, but it's just sort of shocking.
I guess that I always thought that I'd kinda be the first or something. Or that I'd at least get somewhere. I don't really want to be sexually active unless it's with someone really really special that I'm really really committed to. Like we are talking major commitment. My friends who are sexually active have boyfriends that they've been dating for years.
I guess I sort of just feel like a loser because I haven't gone very far. And I know that I shouldn't, but now knowing that my friends have makes me feel like I'm left out of something and too stupid to do any of it. I just thought that it was okay not to be sexually active because that was the normal thing, but now that the majority of my friends are, I just feel weird and prude. But then there's another part of me that now feels like stuff like that is automatically expected in a relationship at our age and I'm not sure if I'd be ready for that if I ever have another boyfriend. I don't want to make a stupid mistake OR feel like I HAVE to make a stupid mistake.
I know that you shouldn't have sex just because everyone else is doing it. I'm just confused and I can't talk to my mom about this because that would betray my friends.
Does that make any sense? (link)
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1) Its a relatively safe bet that some of your friends are exaggerating or outright lying about their experiences to make them fit in.
I started pretty early myself, so I had a lead on valid information provided by practical experience. I was never a boaster but I always remember that among those who talked about their sex lives, the more someone talked or bragged, the less they were actually getting anything.
Compare a guy with a regular girlfriend and a fairly normal regular sex life with a guy the same age who gets lucky at a party every now and again and tells everyone about the blowjob he got.
Basically, if someone is having sex and knowledgeable about it, they know they are. If people are having small amounts or nothing, and want everyone to think thats not the case, they will lie and talk about it often so that no one suspects.
2) Your friends spreading their legs doesnt make them any less innocent than you are. Just less intelligent. Innocence is not purely defined by how far you've let someone go with you sexually. Your friends are too young and immature to understand that there are reasons beyond status and physical pleasure to have sex.
And consequences worse than being called a slut.
Depending on the friends, bite back a little bit. You know them better than I, so you can tell if just a "It doesnt bother me that I've not done anything, why does it seem to bother you so much?" to a "You know, spreading your legs more easily than me doesn't fall under most people's definitions of being more mature or in any way better than me" is appropriate.
Don't yell it, don't be pissed, treat the entire thing as if its not a big deal, and they're being a little immature about it. Sex doesn't make you an adult, after all. And choosing to have it doesn't make you any more mature or grown up.
::Edit::
The poster below brings up a very good point I'd like to touch on.
Peer pressure originates from uncertainty. Especially in high school, people aren't sure whats right or wrong, or appropriate or smart. They have ideas, sometimes good ones, but no one really feels all that certain.
So, they go find others who make similar decisions or who are willing to make the same decisions and judgements.
They all do the same things and tell each other that its fine and normal and a good idea. Then they tell others who AREN'T doing what theyre doing that those others are wrong and they are right. They try to get the others to agree.
Every time someone has sex because everyone else was doing it, it tells "everyone else" that they are right and that they should be having sex. They don't like people who buck the system, because a person who thinks they did the right thing in not having sex makes a person who isnt sure they did the right thing in having sex very nervous. It makes thtem wonder if they were wrong.
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14/F
Im skeptic about boys.
1. My mom told me theyr all bad & only want one thing.
2. The boy im intrested in has a reputation for being a player.
3. I like him so much & im so worried about getting hurt
4. Any of my friends whove had boyfriends have gotten their hearts broken.
Our story:
We started dating in 6th, it didnt get serous till 7th, we almost dated in 8th.
& now we talk 24/7. Honestly when im not talking to him im sleeping.
So basically wev dated on & off for 4 years.
& during those off times of course ive liked other boys. But when i heard a love song hes the only one id think about.
He was my first & only
Kiss, boyfriend, etc.
& i have a very flirty personality. & he gets jelous. & other girls love him.
So my questions are:
1. How do i know hes for real? True, out of all the times wev broken up hes only done it once, & that was 6th grade. But it was because he met another girl in camp.
He writes me poems, he sits with me in all my classes, walks me to my locker, sits with me during lunch, makes plans about the future, he tells me that hes mine & that when wer together he dosent think about anyone else.
Well text or stay on the phone until midnight, wakeup & text eachother asap.
To me it seems too much to be real especially @ 14. How long is it going to be until we both feel totally suffocated?
He says wer going to be together forever. Forever is areally long time. & if hes the only boyfriend ive had, how do i know hes the one?
I cant end things because after it being so serous it would make me so sad.
Any opinions? (link)
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Meh.
You don't know he's the one. You won't know for years. At 14 it seems like you could be together forever. Everything is perfect.
In a year, you will both be different people. You might still be compatible, you might not.
Two years, same story.
Five years, same story.
13-25 is the period of largest change in a person's life. Its the point where they transition to adult and establish themselves as people. Its when they learn and figure out how to exist, establish their morals, etc.
In five years, you won't be the same person you are now. You won't see the world the same way. Most people learn to love young to prepare themselves for when they are truly ready to find someone.
And theres no such thing as soul mates. There are just people you are compatible with at a given point in your lives.
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Sorry this is kind of a long one! I thought I graduated from a College X in May 2006. It turns out I actually hadn't graduated--I was 3 credits shy. After "graduating" I moved twice in three months (long story) and eventually started a full-time job in October 2006. It wasn't until around Nov when someone asked me if I got my diploma that I realized I hadn't. I got some transfer credits I had from high school sent in, and my degree was conferred in May 2007 w/o me taking any more classes.
Here's the problem: I started the job I'm at in Oct '06, telling them I finished my degree before that. When I found out that wasn't true, I...didn't tell them. I was scared they would fire me on the spot for "lying" on my resume. Now, almost 2 yrs since I started, they're randomly conducting a staff-wide "audit" to be sure everyone has their credentials, and they may notice the discrepancy b/w my transcript & resume. I feel my options are: 1) Come clean now and hope they understand, knowing full well they'll probably fire me. 2) Submit my credentials and hope they don't notice the discrepancy [I'm pretty low on the totem pole...how hard will they look?] and 3) Quit my job, and be honest with my next interviews about my graduation date but hope they don't ask if I ever told this first job what happened.
So that's it...that's how I screwed myself. Any advice? Anyone see any other options? Thank you!
(link)
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More than likely, you're fine.
Simply explain the mix up. You had "graduated" but you hadn't finished with all the red tape to the point that you were "official"
You didn't lie, you didn't omit, it was simply a mistake that was easily and instantly rectified.
Approach it from an "oops, but its not a big deal" standpoint and they probably won't care.
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