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I'm shockeddd
15/f
I just found out a week ago that a lot of my friends are sexually active. And I'm not, like at all.
I don't want to just find a random guy and do sexual things with him, but the way my friends talk about it...they kinda tell me in a condescending way. Like "Oh yes, I did this...and oh there's little Jane over there, still innocent." They aren't being mean or anything and they don't mean to say it like that I don't think, but it's just sort of shocking.
I guess that I always thought that I'd kinda be the first or something. Or that I'd at least get somewhere. I don't really want to be sexually active unless it's with someone really really special that I'm really really committed to. Like we are talking major commitment. My friends who are sexually active have boyfriends that they've been dating for years.
I guess I sort of just feel like a loser because I haven't gone very far. And I know that I shouldn't, but now knowing that my friends have makes me feel like I'm left out of something and too stupid to do any of it. I just thought that it was okay not to be sexually active because that was the normal thing, but now that the majority of my friends are, I just feel weird and prude. But then there's another part of me that now feels like stuff like that is automatically expected in a relationship at our age and I'm not sure if I'd be ready for that if I ever have another boyfriend. I don't want to make a stupid mistake OR feel like I HAVE to make a stupid mistake.
I know that you shouldn't have sex just because everyone else is doing it. I'm just confused and I can't talk to my mom about this because that would betray my friends.
Does that make any sense?
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There is NOTHING wrong with waiting for that special someone to share your first time with. Even if your friends are doing it with every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes their way, it doesn't mean you have to.
This may sound cheesy, but my mother used to tell me that your virginity is the greatest gift you can give to the man that you love. Men feel a sense of pride when they are with a girl who has never done anything before.
Sex isn't supposed to be just a physical act. It is also meant to be a bonding experience between you and someone you love. Yes, sex feels good. But if it's not with someone you care about, when the sex ends, so does the nice feeling. However, if you're with someone you truly love and care about, that feeling never goes away.
So, now that I've ranted, the best advice I can give you in this situation is to ignore your friends' comments. They are just trying to show off and probably just want to feel more adult. However, if you wait until the right moment, you will be the mature one, not them.
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You are absolutely right you shouldn't be having sex just because everyone else is doing it.
I understand how you feel, because a majority of my friends are all sexually active. I'm not. So yes I understand what it feels like to feel like aloser or inexperienced, but good for you, you are the type of person that will get the best guy out there, b/c you are waiting, you're the type that he wants to take home to meet his mom. I'm that type too, so I know what it feels like to feel kinda outcasted, like the world is going on w/o you and you're not sure if you even fit in this era or generation. That's how I feel, but look at it this way, you can go out any night and be just like them but they can never again be just like you.
Also, I have watched my friends jump into sex, and some later regret it. Sex is also an emotional thing, if you aren't ready, you will regret it. See I'm choosing to wait til I'm married, b/c then I have the whole commitment thing and I'll be with the guy that I truely love. It may not seem like it now, but you are on the right path by waiting, don't just throw it in to be a part of the group, be an individual, stand by what you believe in, youll go a lot further in life that way.
Most guys do want just sex, but not all of them. If you meet that guy that is willing to wait, be grateful, b/c guys like that are hard to find.
Good luck, and stay true to yourself and beliefs.
And with this day and age, people have sex like theyuse the bathroom, its second nature to them, it dosen't mean you have to be like that. Hollywood, really puts that into peoples minds, that morals are degrading when its not. It's important.
Be who you are and follow your heart, don't change yourself for other people, b/c then you will lose yourself, and it takes a while to get it back.
Hope I made at least some sense, best of luck to you,
:)
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Usually when teens discuss how far they've gone sexually with friends assembled they're either lying or embellishing to sound cool. In fact some of your friends are likely virgins. They may also have said all this to see how you would react.
It's perfectly normal for you to wait until you find the right relationship and someone who you have a special connection with. The fact that it hasn't happened yet is perfectly fine. You're smarter waiting as you don't run the risk of teen pregnancy. Also, the first time often hurts (for women) and isn't what it's cracked up to be.
Even if they are all doing it doesn't mean you should. It's about feeling and knowing that you are ready. Right now you know you aren't. It's not a competition here where you have to do X by the same age as anyone else. It's based on comfort and being with the right partner. At least that's what it ought to be about.
You aren't a loser, a prude or weird for waiting. It's a personal choice and only one you can make. They don't get to influence or decide for you. Let them talk about sex in front of you but don't allow it to shake your convictions or color your choices.
You're being very responsible and mature about sex and waiting for when its right for you. What's right for someone or appears right for them on the surface may not be. Don't worry as you aren't missing out on anything. Everything will come in time.
Despite peer pressure and negative messages from pop culture saying otherwise not everyone is doing it. Stay firm in your convictions no matter what road others take.
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1) Its a relatively safe bet that some of your friends are exaggerating or outright lying about their experiences to make them fit in.
I started pretty early myself, so I had a lead on valid information provided by practical experience. I was never a boaster but I always remember that among those who talked about their sex lives, the more someone talked or bragged, the less they were actually getting anything.
Compare a guy with a regular girlfriend and a fairly normal regular sex life with a guy the same age who gets lucky at a party every now and again and tells everyone about the blowjob he got.
Basically, if someone is having sex and knowledgeable about it, they know they are. If people are having small amounts or nothing, and want everyone to think thats not the case, they will lie and talk about it often so that no one suspects.
2) Your friends spreading their legs doesnt make them any less innocent than you are. Just less intelligent. Innocence is not purely defined by how far you've let someone go with you sexually. Your friends are too young and immature to understand that there are reasons beyond status and physical pleasure to have sex.
And consequences worse than being called a slut.
Depending on the friends, bite back a little bit. You know them better than I, so you can tell if just a "It doesnt bother me that I've not done anything, why does it seem to bother you so much?" to a "You know, spreading your legs more easily than me doesn't fall under most people's definitions of being more mature or in any way better than me" is appropriate.
Don't yell it, don't be pissed, treat the entire thing as if its not a big deal, and they're being a little immature about it. Sex doesn't make you an adult, after all. And choosing to have it doesn't make you any more mature or grown up.
::Edit::
The poster below brings up a very good point I'd like to touch on.
Peer pressure originates from uncertainty. Especially in high school, people aren't sure whats right or wrong, or appropriate or smart. They have ideas, sometimes good ones, but no one really feels all that certain.
So, they go find others who make similar decisions or who are willing to make the same decisions and judgements.
They all do the same things and tell each other that its fine and normal and a good idea. Then they tell others who AREN'T doing what theyre doing that those others are wrong and they are right. They try to get the others to agree.
Every time someone has sex because everyone else was doing it, it tells "everyone else" that they are right and that they should be having sex. They don't like people who buck the system, because a person who thinks they did the right thing in not having sex makes a person who isnt sure they did the right thing in having sex very nervous. It makes thtem wonder if they were wrong.
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It is so normal to feel this way. There are so many young girls who are not having sex and thinks that everyone is doing it , so you are not alone. I went through and sometimes still go through the same thing. A lot of my friends recently told me that if they could do it all over again, they would not have had sex when they did. They say that everyone was doing it, and it seemed like the cool thing to do at the time.
There is nothing wrong with not having sex, if you can't relate to certain things that your friends talk about it is o.k. You remind me of me a bit. I think that sometimes when people feel like they made a wrong decision , it is better to find people who made the same decision and let the one person who had a mind of their own feel left out. That seems to be what your friends are doing to you. (NOT saying that they are not good friends)
You seem like a smart girl, it does not make you less of a person or female if you have not had sex. Wait for the right time, wait for YOUR right time. You will find a guy that appreciates your individuality.
One more thing when the time is right, (which in my opinion does not seem like now or the near future) please make sure to use protection. I don't think that I have to give you the talk about the diseases that are floating around.
You not having sex does not make you an outcast it makes you an individual, who does not need to follow a crowd. Empower yourself, you are 15 you have time. : ) Hope that this helps!!!!!!!!!
P.S. If you have any more questions you can talk to me
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