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Where do we go from here?
I'm (almost) 21 f, he's 23. Long story as short as I can make it, we dated officially for about nine months in '05-'06. Our relationship kinda sucked, neither of us were ourselves (I was a scared creature in a new environment and he was medicated for depression), and he was emotionally abusive. I ended it after he basically pushed me to it. Somehow, we wound up in kind of an on-and-off friends with benefits relationship, and I was okay because I just wanted his attention. I tried to move on, dated someone else, and ran into my ex after 2 months. All the feelings were still there, and I pretty much ran back into his arms, but not into a relationship. (He's a recently admitted commitmentphobe (after I pointed it out, he said "...you're right.")) We had some problems. His family hates me for no reason, and he cared more about what they thought than about me. In light of that, I said I never wanted to see him again.
He contacted me a few hours later in tears. After talking for awhile, I agreed to be pen pals, so we weren't completely out of contact. We stayed out of touch for a week, until he called me, begging for another chance. I almost said no, but after he promised me his family would never get in the way of our friendship again, I decided to give him sort of a trial period. If he messed up even once in any way reminiscent of our past, he was gone for good. I didn't tell him about this plan. It's been a month and things are...really different.
He's taken me out, he's promising dinner, drinks, and some sort of impressive present for my birthday, which is coming up in three weeks, he makes a point to see me every day, even if it's just for an hour at the coffee shop between classes.
We're moving closer, and he's really turning back into my best friend. We're both much happier now that he's decided he needs me in his life. He's much more open, we're together all the time, and physically closer, too. We hug and cuddle and stuff again, and a few nights ago, he said "I love you." I responded in kind, but now I feel ultimately confused. I don't know where this leaves us now. Are we headed back towards a relationship? Do I even want to go that route?
I told him we couldn't be as close as we were, that too much had happened between us for me to be able to open up to him again, but at the same time I can feel myself doing it. I know I should have my guard up more than ever, but for some reason I don't, and I don't know what's going on. I just need an outside eye to analyze the situation, if someone can.
Thanks in advance. =)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Youre already back in a relationship. You both cuddle, you just said I love you to each other, and are doing all the things that you do in a relationship except talking about things as much as you apparently need to be.
As to opening up, only time will tell.
I'm in a 4 year relationship. A year ago today, we had an absolutely terrible break up. We were apart two months, and are now back together again.
I still don't fully trust her. I open up more on some occasions than others, but there is still a rift there.
The only advice I can give you, is different people have different abilities to close that rift. Ours is slowly healing, yours very well could, too. Whether you can heal all the way is an individual question you need to decide for yourself if you want to explore.
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I think you should stop talking to him all together.Talk to a counselor or a doctor about this guy.Forget about him.He is a control guy and that is a bad guy for you to be with.Trust me on this I know what I am talking about.
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I think you need to use extreme caution.
You mentioned he was emotionally abusive.
That doesn't just change. He is actually
still using it. "He contacted me a few
hours later in tears." And you've gone
from pen pals to more in what seems a
short time, but I may have read wrong.
My gut feeling is that something isn't
right with this. I think you may feel
the same. I would hold off for a while
on getting really serious. Remember that
emotionally abusive people know how to
play with your head.
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