schlichtinator's advice column

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Q: i was at a friends n they kept saying 69. i didnt know what they tlking about. help?

69 is a sexual position in which members can give and receive oral sex simultaneously. The position in which this is done kind of explains why '69' represents it. While I have never witnessed or performed the feat in person, I have numerous sources on the internet that say this is a very pleasruable experience.

Q: 14/f...ive been going out with my boyfriend for about three weeks and his birthday is on the last day of school. One of my friends is throwing an end of school party on the last day of school (his bday). I can't bring him to the party because ALL my friends don't like him at all; they won't let me bring him basically. We've already talked about his birthday but I haven't had the courage to tell him that I would rather go to my friends party but I don't know how to tell him. What should I do?

Ask your boyfried to postpone for a day.

Q: You will be put on my website for credit of making up the name. All you have to do is give me a name i like and i will use it. The website is going to be exactly like this: www.influxplus.com it will have a forum, games, profiles for members, message sendings, It will be similar to myspace. I rate 5'S FOR A WEBSITE DOMAIN NAME GOOD OR BAD. THANKS!

www.Childrenofparents.com

www.Mongoliasfinest.com

www.PeopleArena.com

www.CongregationStation.com (lame, but why not)

www.WeAllDrinkCoffee.com

Q: for all the boys reading this..i was wondering if you thought it was sexy if a girl was a boxer? because i want to take lessons, but i don't know if guys would like that..or be like offended because i could possible kick their asses..ahah please help.. thx

If the guy is into sports, than any actual activity in a sport that a girl has is cool. Boxing seems like it may exception to that due to the nature of the sport, but on the whole, I think they would find it cool as opposed to sexy. Unless you were absolutely kicking ass in the ring. Then it's sexy.

Q: how do figure out what your body fat % is?

That calculator isn't percent body fat, that's the body mass index, which shows you 'average' weights for your height (Most body builders are considered overweight or even obese by these calculations). There really isn't an easy way that I know of to calculate body fat without a physician of some kind.

Q: i have no idea if people have asked this before or what, but even if they did, please try to answer? its somewhat long; i apologize ahead of time.

ok, so i'm pretty much an athletic person. I play almost any sports and play on two teams at school. However, even though im not that bad with sports and i totally love playing, i have a horrible issue with running/conditioning. Like, i can run short distances really fast, but i cant run for very long. I can run longer if i have breaks inbetween too. but if i run consistently without stopping, my legs start to burn and i cant breathe.

I cant stand miles because afterwards i end up not being able to breathe for a while. Like for one practice we ended up running a lot of laps and by the end i couldnt really breathe properly for ten-twenty minutes. Is there a way to like... help me run better? Or not get as tired by the end/able to breathe normally? During games and stuff i almost never get tired. Its only during long conditionings and whatnot.

please help!! i have training all summer and i rather not die from lack of oxygen anytime soon. i'll rate high for helpful tips.

Breathing helps.

As bizarre and obvious as it sounds, if you can increase your lung capacity and lung strength, your endurance will increase as well, because oxygen will be used more efficiently in the body.

Getting started? Sit cross legged with your back straight, place you hands on your stomach and relax. When you breath in, expand as much as possible and fill your lungs all the way. When you breath out, imagine you are trying to touch your belly button to your spine, and release all of the air. Do this deeply and slowly. After a while, reverse the process- pull in when you inhale, push out when you exhale. You can begin counting the length of inhaling and exhaling, and always strive to make it as long as possible.

Hope it helps!

Q: im a girl and i was wondering how you masterbate and why guys jack off before you have sex?

also do u have orgasms if you masterbate?

If you know what you're doing, you have an orgasm during masturbation. It's all about the feel. Find out what feels good and keep doing it.

And guys masturbate because it feels awesome, and as soon as they hit puberty, guys want to have sex. And sex doesn't really come during those middle school and early high school years. That makes masturbating a good alternative.

Also, everyone masturbates. It's a fact of life.

Q: Theres this girl i really like in my class when she found out i liked her she told her friends well im dating someone and she actually was and she told me this that she had a bf like 4 or 5 times and she wrote me a note saying i should repsect dat she already had a bf. Now could this mean she likes me but she has a bf at the moment and maybe i could be her bf in the future when she breaks up wid him and she is like kinda nervous and shy around me and quiet and i catch her looking at me my fair share of times help plzzz i really like this girl.

Eustachius gave the best answer I've ever read for any question like this.

That is all.

Q: Can someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with me?
Everytime i like a descent guy and then they like me back, i pull away and dont like them anymore.
Whats my problem!?!

It's something I've seen people do before. If you've never been with someone before, it's probably because you're afraid you won't know what to do with a relationship, or you might end up ruining things and they wouln't like you anymore. When you have a little bit of insecurity like this, it's something that's hard to get over.

However, if you like the person, and he's a good guy, then you should give him the chance to prove your doubts wrong.

Q: this may sound wierd but i have a hairy back. not MANLY just a little and it makes me feel wierd when im in a swim suit cause people go om my gosh you have hair on your back and it makes me feel really upset. i like to go swimming but im afraid to now. my mom wont let me shave it. its really just the top with a little. its not a lot but still. what can i do. please dont think im a man.

its not the manly kind. i swear please dont hink im some strange person!!

If you're worried people will still freak out about it, and would feel a lot more comfortable without it, you should wax it, I think.

I KNOW you shouldn't shave it. It always comes back thicker. Trust me. I tried it with chest hair. Not good!

Q: Ok...I'm 14/f. Since it's the end of the school year at and I wont be going back to my current school I wanted to tell this guy that I've liked for about 3 years how I feel. The question is how do I get the guts to say it? I mean he's one of my good friends and all but this will be the last time I see him and it's gonna kill me if I dont tell him! What do I do? I rate high! Plz and thank you!

You really need to tell him to his face. As hard as it will be to confront him, it would be the best way, because he would know it was heartfelt. And if you don't do it to his face, you'll always wonder what would have happened if you had.

Q: when you're planning on telling a boy you love him, and it's during a slow song, what song should it be?

like if i was to whisper in a boys ear, i love you, and get a response back, what song would it be during?

names and artists please!

I really want to help, because this is awesome. First off: something he really likes to listen to. He'll already be happy for the music, and it'll be that much more memorable afterwards.

But I'll throw in a few suggestions of my own.

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls is always nice, because it's one of the greatest songs ever. And it has that vibe.

Maybe "Motorcycle Drive By", by Third Eye Blind?

Jack Johnson has TONS of slowly paced, laid back songs. "Do You Remember" by him might be cool.

You could always go with Stairway to Heaven. Damn, if someone told me they loved me during that, I would never forget, just because.

And you can always look to some old standards, like Sinatra, or if you're really cool you'll use "As Time Goes By" - the Louis Armstrong version.

Q: what does the term in the park mean? does it mean smoking? if yes then smoking what?

I've always associated it with the rare phenomena of circling all 4 bases in one base hit.

However, I checked Urbandictionary.com and nothing came back. Wikipedia also failed. What context have you heard it used in? I'm interested. I mean, you can always be walking in the park.

Q: So how many days does it take for it work?
I have some mild acne around my chin and thats all.
I used to use it and saw how my face was clear.. But I dont remember how long it took.

Do you have to use it in the morning and at night? or the afternoon too?

The usage depends on the severity- if you only have it around the chin, then only use it in the morning and at night.

Be careful, though; I used that stuff and it made me breakout. I ended up having to take accutane (don't take it unless nothing else works, which was my case. And I was a pizza-face.)

Q: My BF still speaks to his ex-gf. She lives in a different state but they chat on MSN. They were together over a year. I guess I'm a pretty jealous person, but I actually don't believe in being friends with your exes. I'm not friends with any of mine (I don't hate them though) It's causing me a lot of worry and upset because they've broken up and got back together several times and I'm afraid its going to happen again. would it be unreasonable for me to ask him to stop speaking to her? when i asked him how he felt about her, he said they won't get back together because she no longers likes guys... but I dunno. Doesn't sound very convicing to me. What should I do?

thanks

Don't tell him to stop talking to her. She lives in a different state. It'd be physically impossible for them to get back together. He's dating you right now, and if you tell him to alienate a friend for you, you're putting that status in jeopardy. In my opinion, it would be unreasonable.

Q: Does anyone know of any music editing programs that can be downloaded for free or very inexpensively (free is obviously preferable) and work with Mac OS X? A recording program would be great too. Thanks so much. I'll rate high.

GarageBand comes with iLife '06. It's easy to use and also allows you to use anything you can plug into an 8" mic jack. It also comes with some pre-looped soundclips, which can lead to some interesting tomfoolery.

I really just wanted to say tomfoolery. In any case, here's the page

Q: This might sound a little conceited but I'm really not.

I've always gotten complements from guys, girls, family, and friends about my looks and them telling me that I'm pretty/hot/gorgeous/cute/etc.

And well, it seems like most guys just want to go out with me because of my looks. I'm going on a date with this guy I like this Friday and today I was talking to him when he said "I'm really excited about this weekend you're so hot and I finally have a chance with you"

That just kind of got me upset because what if my past dates/boyfriends only dated me because of looks?

Is it weird that sometimes I wish that I didn't look the way I do?

Let's be honest, you're always attracted to someone for the way they look before anything else.

But it's the mental part that matters most in a relationship. For a first date, maybe it's the looks that brought him in. But if he's serious about it, then he's serious about you too.

Q: 15/m
At school I've liked this girl for a while, and some of my friends have found out that she might like me too. I was going to ask her out, but then I found out that she is getting married soon. It's not a lie because, I'm guessing that is what her family believes in. Although she might not be getting married for maybe a couple of years, should I still ask her out?

Such an odd family, or such a cruel prank. Ask her out. It can't possibly hurt your situation; it could only help. If she is getting married so soon, that is some weird shit. But hey, the kind of weird ones are always the most interesting.

Q: I'm a little late on the whole Ipod extravanganza..

haha i actually didn't want one in the beginning but now after a year i finally want one the thing is im wondering if i should buy a video one right now.

because i want to but im scared that as sooooon as i buy it BAM there will be a whole new better ipod on sale..

so please just give me some advice..

thanks ill rate high for good answers

Do not, I repeat, do NOT get an ipod mini or ipod nano. They cost almost as much as the full blown ones. Don't get an ipod video, either. You won't use the video feature. Trust me. I know 3 people with them and they don't use it.

The great thing about iPods is the warranty. You can get a 1 year one for relatively cheap, and if anything goes wrong you trade it in for a new one. Past the warranty you can still get great value on a trade in, anyway.

Oddly enough, the online store only sells video iPods now. I wouldn't buy them direct from the website though. Find the nearest Apple Store or Comp USA if you're going to buy one, they should still have the 'older' models.

http://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/AppleStore.woa/wo/0.RSLID?mco=E2DBC1A0&nclm=iPod

Q: Is it possible to fall in love at 17? I have been with my boyfriend for only 4 months, but there is such an intense energy between us. We talk all the time and are together at every moment possible. we are similar in our core beliefs, but disagree on many topics. Disagreeing has sparked tons of interesting conversations between us. everytime i think about him or someone says his name i smile and get a warm, fuzzy, happy feeling. we trust and respect one another and have good sexual chemistry (we have not however, had sex and will not for quite some time)

I am almost positive that i love him, but ever since i was young people have always told me that you can't fall in love in high school. I want to get some outside oppinions and find out if the things i am feeling are what is generally classified as love.

thanks loves!
me*

Back in ye olde days people 'fell in love' and 'got married' at 13.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, than so is love. I certainly know several friends at my school who are in amazing relationships, and if someone said they weren't in love I would laugh at them for being so ignorant.