koshii's advice column

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Q: My friend is anorexic. What should i do?

Don't let her slip down the shower drain!
Notify an adult...or someone who owns a buffet. Best yet, a psychologist who owns a buffet. She (she?) needs help and quick.

Q: im 13 and my penis is like 2 to 3 inches is that about right for my age

Not if you're female.

Q: One of my best friends is bi. Then one day i told her that I liked her liked her and she went crazy. She now knows that I am bi also I dont know if she has a g/f but............ I thought that we could just experiment with each other but I haven't ask her that if she would wanna do that. What should I do? help plz
-Me

Don't communicate with me, communicate with her! You're interested in her, aren't you? Talk to the damn people that are involved. Don't bring third parties into everything that goes on. It just makes trouble.
Like being in my column!

Q: how can you tell if a really likes you, even though you are close friends, and how can you tell if theres anything more than just friends, even though he calls me'girlfriend', whats wrong, awwwwwwwwww you pooor girl.
And he constantly says how am i, it's every thing ok, in a day he would say this to me about 3 times.
Not only that, when ever i talk to him he always smiles, and winks at me if he see's me in the corridor and as i talk he laughs, so i say what, whats funny, and he does'nt say nothing apart from smiling and looking into my eyes.
He also said that i remind him of his ex-girlfirend, which he used to say good things about her before.

If you are still questioning him after giving me all this information, you are one of those people who should never spawn.

Q: Will we get married?

I don't see that with this person.

Q: Is there any chance at all of a woman getting pregnant if the man wears a condom, without actual intercourse?
The penis would still be quite close (touching, probably) to the vagina, but not inside.

Not unless he ejaculates with something besides his penis... in which case, send him to the CIA for extraterrestrial research.

Q: I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any,
Shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
But a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
Without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
To others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need an instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Instead of my chest
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feeling.
I know when ur lying,
You look at the ceiling.
Don't call me a girl,
A babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN,
Get it, you prick?

Birthed the universe
Is all a man is and more--
Goddess is woman

Q: can you get pregnant from anual sex???

Well, depending on when that once-per-annum sexual escapade happens, I'd say it's a heavy-handed coin toss.

Q: yes or no?

42.

Q: Hearts and roses and kisses galore,

What the hell is all this shit for.

Poeple get mushy and start acting queer,

This is definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to be over, come and pass,

Before I shove a dozen roses up cupids ass.

I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak,

And probably wear black the rest of the week.

Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade,

For all they are trying to do is get laid.

The arrow cupid shot at me must have not hit,

Because I think love is a big crock of shit.

So here is my story what more can I say,

Love is a bitch so fuck Valentine's Day

Love is not a bitch. Infatuation and lust are bitches.
Bad poetry is a crock of shit.
Love is more pervasive and everlasting than bad poetry, thank gods...

Q: like when u have a period wat does it mean and wat happens pleeze help

Your hormones wage absolute hell on your body's rhythmic processes and your skin breaks out in acne, and then gets better; your throat gets sore, you get sad and weepy or irritated, then you sleep a lot for about three days, you get nauseous for two days and can't eat anything, you have extreme desires for salt and sugary foods, you might get a fever, then if you're lucky, you get horrible cramps that feel like you've been hit by a truck and you spend three days sobbing in bed trying not to move and set it off. The pain comes in waves of about 40 seconds of pain to 4 seconds of rest.

Pepto-Bismol and Midol Cramp are two deities I recommend you get to know.

Q: I live in a suburb of New York City and I'm a Senior in High School. I'm trying to decide where to go to college. My top 3 choices are Cornell, Florida State, and Miami, and I've already gotten into all three. Miami gave me a lot of money, but Florida State has the best program for what I want to do and Cornell is the closest to home. I love all three campuses and don't care about travelling far away, but I don't want to make the wrong decision.
Any thoughts?

What is your major? Cornell is huge about architecture, and Miami I know has biology and also some good art as well. Don't focus on where it is. Is your biggest focus right now getting the best education or getting the most money? Remember also that nobody gives a damn where you got your Bachelor's. Save your money to get your Master's at a very good school, because that's what they look at.

Q: hi, im in college and my boyfriend as a (friend) is so annoying he always, play this stupid game on me, like he always ignores what i say and always changes the subject.
Not only that he say's to me you know you love it when i do that? but why would i stupid fool!
please tell me why he plays this stupid game on me and then he say's that i enjoy when he does that but i don't!

He's looking for some way to bother you enough so you can break up. He's being inconsiderate and horrid. Dump him because he's an asshole. You don't have to live with someone who's so callous.

Q: I have had my nipples pierced for about five months and I sometimes have pimple like puss come out. Is it infected? what can I do? It doesnt hurt or anyhting it kind of looks like there is a pimple next to my nipple.
thanks

Your piercing is infected. Keep the ring in, and wash it as often as possible (at least twice a day) with alcohol, earring-cleanser from Claire's gift shop, or hydrogen peroxide, or just soap and water.

Q: I have a boyfriend that i love alot but he hits me.But he say he sorry and he won't do it again but he keeps doing it. He said if I leave him then he will kill me.I'm so scared that he's telling the truth .He's already put me in the hospital 2 times I don't know what to do.So I need help ASAP if anyone can help me please.My life is on the line!

Love Apple

Kill him, ASAP.

Q: Yeah, so I don't usually ask questions, but I'm curious as to what you all think I should do.
I've been thinking about, er...going all the way with my boyfriend. I'm sixteen. He's seventeen, turning eighteen in late May. I know I'm young, but...eh. He hasn't been pressuring me at all, so that's not an issue. He loves me, I love him, we're planning, if all goes well, to live together when we graduate. I trust him and everything, but I'm concerned about the risks involved. I could get pregnant...I'm not worried about STDs because no one in either of our families has ever had one. Oh, and we're both virgins, in case you couldn't tell...Lol. I'm also just thinking...my mom has always told me "if you ever want to become sexually active, you should come to me so we can get you birth control. I wouldn't be happy with you, but I'd get you protection. If you ever got pregnant, I'd make you have an abortion." I can't imagine actually talking to her about it. It would be so horridly awkward, and she'd be so unhappy with me...My mom and I are fairly close. I'm also not sure if I'm ready. I mean, we've come close a few times, and I sorta panicked. I've just been thinking about it more lately and it's starting not to freak me out so much. What should I do?

Be as careful as you can. Sex is not a stigmatic thing even though American culture both embraces and is repulsed by it. Many people are taught in childhood that everything relating to sex is wrong and dirty; then the media pressures emotionless, loveless scrumping.
You have given me hope that you aren't doing it for the wrong reasons. I was sixteen when I had sex for the first time, with my (at the time) 18-year-old boyfriend, and several years later we are still together. We waited six months into the relationship before we even tried anything. I have never been pregnant and I credit this to our careful use of contraceptives and monthly timing.
A woman should ovulate approximately 14 days after the START of her period, so the very end of the period and the beginning of the week after are the safest times to have sex in order to avoid pregnancy. Always use a condom, spermicide if you can get it, and be careful. Just keep your head about you, and if you feel like you want to progress your relationship this way, trust me--if you love the person you're with, it always gets better, never worse.

Q: My dad recently quit his job. He didn't like the managment or something. It's been like 7 months or so and I'm worried that he won't be able to find one and we will run out of money soon. I'm also worried because my dad doesn't do anything all day while im at school. I used to come home everyday and find him sitting there wastching the TV. Thankfully he's starting to get out more and do things. Is there any way I can help him find the job he is looking for?

For an adult, being out of work is very difficult. Your dad is probably feeling inadequate and depressed, like he's not good enough. Being unemployed is a big blow to the ego for many people. The best thing you can do is give him moral support and tell him you don't think he's inadequate...make him feel appreciated and motivated, and that he's not a failure. It wasn't a good idea to quit the only job he had just because of personal issues because no matter how stupid someone is, if they're the management, they're the ones signing the paychecks. However, you still need to eat and pay bills. So give him moral support and help him feel good enough to go look for a job, because Looking for a job IS a job.

Q: Im a straight A student and I have never really cared much about my grades. It isn't hard for me to get a A at my school. I am in 6th grade and I know this isn't very serious but I'm worried. I have gotten a B+ on my test in math...yeah I know no big deal...and I know it isn't. I just took it as a sign to pay attention in class, which I do. I recently got a A+ on my math test so everything is fine in math. I'm not worried about any of my other classes except language arts. For the past two quarters its been a easy A. I got a B or a B+ on one of my tests and I was like alright, that was just a mistake I made and I'll be sure to pay more attention. Well we did these powerpoint presentations on the book 'The Cay' and I got a C on it. I was at a 92% and I'm not sure how far this will drop my grade. I really don't want to have to get a b+ on my report card. I know I sound pretty preppy or whatever but it's not that. My dad has been having 'trouble' letting go of me lately because boys have been asking me out and my friensd are trying to get me to go to the movies with the boys and I've been buying shorter skirts...and I know he isn't exactly the happiest man in the world. I just know he would be dissappointed if I came home. The real question is , is there anything I can do to bring my grade up?

Right about 6th grade, teachers start getting serious. My grades were absolutely straight A's until 7th grade, because that's when the work load actually starts getting real. I have no idea why they give grades in elementary school, because they're very unimportant. If you are concerned about keeping up your grades, pay attention carefully in class to what your teacher hints will be important. A good tip is, if they say the same thing more than once, or say it AND write it on the board, it will be on the test. Presentations depend on how well and how thoroughly you work out the problem you've been given---in your case, how well you read and understood the book. If you aren't sure what your teacher wants specifically (more graphics, more notes, more talking) then ask questions and try to make your work fit what they want. Give the teacher exactly what they want, especially in the higher grades where it makes a difference. That's how I had to do it. Even when I didn't agree with them, I still had to give them what THEY want. It works out much better for everyone involved.

Q: Should I run away from home?

Not without money. It's hard to live on th' street without some ciz-ash.

Q: can u get pregnant without a boy's penis going into ur vagina.

It doesn't require a penis, just sperm. If it gets anywhere near your vagina, you could be in trouble.

bio

People have been coming to me for advice so long, I might as well do this all in one spot. I watch a lot of unfathomable Japanese TV and drink a lot of coffee. I'm a freshly-hatched Illustration major, formerly trapped & dying in the American South, now busily teaching phrases to all of Nagoya Japan. I'm always on the lookout for more video games and sushi.
I have lots of interesting pets. Wanna see my beetle?