Ivy921's advice column

askIvy921

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I am really shy around guys but I think I come off as standoffish. I don't mean to be shy...I just can't ever think of anything to say. Is this why guys don't like me?

I don't think that boys don't like you, they may just think you aren't interested. Its ok that you are shy. You can try and be more outgoing, but if that isn't your personality, then it may come across as awkward and would ultimately make you more inhibited. Be yourself and smile more. You don't have to talk to come across as friendly. Also, I notice that a lot of guys, cute ones are also kind of shy. You can strike up a conversation with someone who is shy like you and I bet that both of you would really enjoy hanging out with each other. Also, i think that guys like shy girls sometimes more than loud ones. :) Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: My skin has so much oil on it! I cleanse my face and everything, but then it gets grosley shiny. I also have a problem with blackheads. What should I do? I feel I'd be pretty if those things were gone! HELP!

The biore strips are good for blackheads, but maybe a trip to a dermatologist could help. He/she would be able to give you something that could get the shine away without drying out your skin.

Q: Hi

I have been taking birth control pills for over a month now. The last few weeks I have been feeling a bit depressed, get stressed easily and find myself being really cranky with everyone and my bf..I am afraid he is starting to get fed up with it.. along with everyone else like my roommates. I realize how cranky and horrible I am being right after and then I feel really bad. Do you think this could be a side -effect of being on the pill? I read that they can cause mild depression:S

Thanks

Maybe, your body is adjusting to new hormones. But also people say the pill is making them cranky when its really something else that they don't want to talk about. The doctor is just going to tell you to give it a couple more months for your body to adjust, and she is right. Going off and on pills, which are medicine in a sense, isn't so great for you. If in a month or so you really hate it, talk to your doc and decide what the best form of contraception should be for you and maybe a different kind of pill is better.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: how can i "get over" a guuy when hes allways around!

Stop hanging out with him! But if he is in class or in the neighborhood that may be easier said than done. First, ignore him. Don't fake ignore him hoping to get his attention, really act like he isn't there. Also, when you do think about him think about his annoying traits and what you don't like about him. But really, its going to take as long as its going to take to get over someone. Normally, while no one likes to admit it, it usually takes liking someone else to fully get over someone. Give it some time and try to stop focusing on him.

Q: my period is late by a week but i am on birth control am i pregnant?

Maybe, maybe not. I had the same thing happened to me...Take a test to be sure. If you are on a very low dose, you might be. sorry. hope that doesn't freak you out too much. Whatever the case, the earlier you know the better and more informed decisions you can make. Good luck, whatever the outcome and keep me posted.

Q: Hey well there is this guy and Ive liked him for a while and today he says " I heard you like me is it true. " and so I said mabye.But then my friend said yes she does.But he wants to " hear it from me" I dont know hoe to tell him should I just say Yes i like you or what? And he keeps asking me so does that mean something.OO and he thinks 2 of my other friends are hot if that matters.But ever since he found this out he has been really sweet to me and saying how are you and if i look sad he asks if im ok.Does this mean anything?

yes he likes you. tell him that you like him too otherwise he'll be interested in your friends.

Q: yo i have a friend (whos a girl) and im a dude (of course) and shes like my best friend, she helps me when i feel like every1 hates me. i really truly do love her. but i very well doubt she likes me can u help me express my feelings without losing my best friend or at least not sorta freakin her out?
signed,
loves but not loved

I think you should tell her how you feel, but you have to know that there are some risks involved in doing that.
So, tell her how you feel, but don't come on too strong. Say, I know we are best friends but I have feelings for you that are more than friends. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I hope you do, but if you don't, I don't want to lose our friendship over this.
I hope she feels the same way. She very well might, but the biggest risk is that if she doesn't, the friendship may be a little bit strained for a while. You have to figure out for yourself if the risk is worth it.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: okay, so this guy i am "together with" which means we are pretty much going out without the label. anyway, he says he likes me alot, but doesnt think we would be able to have a relationship because he doesnt think i would want him to finger me, or i wont give him head. and the truth is, i just think it would be akward.. but ive gone out with him before.. and i really want a relationship with him.. he doesnt want to have sex with me.. just do everything else. but ive never given anyone head, and ive never been fingered.. im 14.. and i didnt think i should be doing that stuff.. what should i do?

If you aren't comfortable with that stuff you really should wait, and if he's a cool guy he would be ok with that and chill out about it. Doing everything but sex is also pretty serious stuff and can really mess with your emotions if you aren't ready or not in a relationship that is good for you, and someone pressuring you to do stuff is not cool at all. tell him you want to wait until you are ready and if he's not able to deal with that, then you have your answer as to what kind of guy he is.

Q: This guy I like (A) was walking in front of me and his friend (B) passed him. A sort of half-grabbed, half-cupped B's butt cheek. B glanced behind and greeted A. A nodded at him and proceeded.
I sort of smack my friend's asses sometimes but I only see other -girls- doing this. I have never seen that happen before.
Now is this some sort of display of masculinity or something? Or is he attached to the friend>

I bet they were just joking around..

Q: okay so i met this guy hes soooooo freaking nice to me, we talk all the time. and he told me he liked me and stuff but last thursday he hooked up with this BEAUTIFUL girl. and then on homecomign i hear he has a girlfriend and hes all over like every freaking girl.im the type who gets jealus real easy. but we made up or whatever and he came over again yesturday we didnt hook up like usual we just kissed. hes a senior and im a freshman. and i dont know why i belive him when he says he likes me. but hes soo nice. and he told my friends he liked me andd stuff but he is considered a man whore. people even tolld me its funny that i think he likes me, but i cannot help it.

I totally understand your feelings, how could you not like this good looking older guy who is nice to you? But he sounds like trouble and you are only going to get more upset and more jealous the longer this goes. He very well may like you, but he also may like other girls and will just play around with your heart. Its really hard to stop likining someone, but you can stop hooking up with him for the time being. Tell him you are busy, or don't trust him or can't handle the drama or whatever. You'll feel better and you'll be surprised how much more he probably interested he will be in you once you say no. If that is the case, give it a couple weeks and see what happens.

Q: okay, well just recently i entered highschool. i love it every way. but the only problem is that my friends, my old ones from middle school. they bareally talk to me. we all used to hangout every single weekend. and now they are all interested about being popular and hanging out with the right croud. and it gets me really upset because they all hangout together and im home alone and they dont even ask me to hangout when they know im sitting home all alone. my best friend still even hangs out with them and i ask her to hangout and shes like i cant im sorry and this is an every weekend thing.

I'm sorry, that is such a terrible to have happen to you, but its not uncommon. People when they enter high school get caught up in being popular and try to have new images. There is no reason why you have to sit around alone all weekend waiting for these so-called friends to call you. The best thing about high school is that there are a lot more people and there are a lot more activities to join. I would say try and do that and try and make some new friends in the process, ones that value you and want to spend time with you...
As for your best friend, I would call her and tell her your feelings and tell her that you miss seeing her. Hopefully you two can get together and talk it out.
This may not be the easiest time for you, I've been through it. Its lonely and full of self-doubt, but you are only hurting yourself the more you stay home and not try to branch out and meet new people. I bet you'd be surprised how many people in your grade are in similar positions and would love to hang out with you.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: I realize that this is a question asked millions of times per day and that I normally skip over questions like these. Please don't do that here. There's this guy in one of my classes, and I like him. Since the beginning of the year, he's been emphasising the traits that we have in common. For example, I am an unuually loud and outgoing person. He has become loud and seems really confident. Plus he has style and is so cute. He's funny and makes me smile. Lately, he's been walking 1/2way to my next class with me and today his arm was around me for like a long time. I haven't really had any experience with guys, but I am in high school, and so is he. Do you think that he's being friendly, or that he likes me? Thanks for not disregarding this question, and I will rate well for genuine advice!

He SO likes you. Just keep doing what you are doing. I bet he asks you what you are doing this weekend by Wednesday, and if he doesn't its just because he's nervous.
Be happy about this one.

Q: ok i am 14/f and i really like this guy!! but he likes one of my best friends!!and she is always braging about it and she knows i like him and she says she dosent like him like that!! but i dont know what to do!! please help ill rate 5's for good answers!!!

I agree with the others, don't tell him. I would even go one step further and tell your friend you aren't all that interested in him any more. talk to him, be cool, be casual, but also talk to other guys. You may end up being interested in someone else, or you may make him jealous. Either way, you are more in control.
Good luck.

Q: Hi all. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm in love with an extraordinary person. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, to share joys, concerns, and everything that might come up. College is coming up, and we've been discussing the seriousness of our relationship to make sure that we have no doubts about eachother, and we're trying to take everything into consideration. We've discussed our veiws on marriage, kids, future goals, values and beliefs that both of us have, and we know each other's families very well. We really want to make sure we can make this work. So my question is, is there anything else we should be taking into consideration? And also, do you think we should plan on going to the same college or colleges near eachother?
Thanks!
P.S. Experienced opinions of people who have been through this before would be especially helpful, but of course any advice is appreciated. :)

I'm sure that you are going to hear a lot of people saying that you are so young and you don't know and all of that. And yes, you are young, but it sounds like you have taken into consideration a lot of serious matters, more so than a lot of adults do when they go into relationships.
I do think that you both should go to the best colleges each of you can get into. I do think that separate schools, though hopefully within driving distance are possibilities. I also think that once you go to school you should really enjoy it and make new friends and go to parties and enjoy the college life. You can still have fun without cheating. Doing this I think will be an important part of your relationship for several reasons:
1. The more things you experience, the more rich of a person you become. You will be able to have interesting and indepth conversations about things that you never experienced before and that will be something that will help keep that spart alive.
2. You will learn more about yourselves and at no point in your life you will feel like you 'missed out' on anything because of the relationship and you will be able to grow and learn and have fun with each other and with other people in the process.
3. You can prove the naysayers wrong. You can always say well, I'm in college and so is he and we see what is out there and we have lived our lives and we are what each other wants.

Colleges are filled with couples who spend all weekends locked in their dorms with their signficant others and while that is very romantic, at a certain point, it can get a bit boring... having fun and having friends outside of your relationship is something that is important to every lasting long term relationship. (It worked for us).
Good luck with everything especially getting into college. Keep me posted

Q: I was wondering..why do so many people disagree on Bush's decision to nominate Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court? I mean, people say she isn't conservative enough..whatever that means...but she's been working in the law business since forevr..Anyway, my question is..why should Harriet Miers be elected..and why shouldn't she?

Here's my opinion as unbiased as possible.... First of all, she wasn't elected nor will she be. She was appointed by Bush and will ultimately be voted onto the bench or not by Congress. There are a few reasons why people on both sides of the aisle don't like her.
1. She has never been a judge. She stands on the brink of being a judge in the most important court in the country and she has never been a judge or had a federal court experience.
2. No one knows where she really stands on things other than what her friends (the President among them) tells us. You'll hear the term 'paper trail' a lot. With judges you can see how they have ruled in the past and infer how they will rule in the future. In her case no one can do this, and this as I mention is the most important court in the country, so maybe people should have an idea where she comes in on issues facing the country.
3. The only thing that she seems to be known for is being Bush's attorney and friend. Is that reason enough to have a job for life on the Supreme Court?
Conservative or not, or regardless of how you feel on a variety of topics, a Supreme court judge will help form laws that could shape the country for generations. You have to decide if the President telling us that she's a good friend is reason enough to want this person on the bench. If you have questions or real concerns, contact your congress person.

Q: ok so i have been thinking of what i wanted to do. I was in a doctors office and i saw this lady come in who was looking very cute in her out fit and i was checking out her car and it was a nice BMW. So i asked my mom who she was and she said that she was a pharmaceutical sales rep. Well i have been thinking and medicine is intresting and the human body is fun for me to learn about! So i was wondering exactly what they do! And how much do they get paid, thank you soo much! i rate easy 5s!

They work for drug companies selling their products (whatever brands of medicines) they sell to doctors and hospitals. If someone works for a good company (like Johnson and Johnson, or Pfizer) and has a good territory (the town or the part of the city the company asks them to sell in) and they are good at sales they can make over $100,000. Go for it.

Q: do guys like it better when girls shave "down there?" i've tried before w/ a razor but it stung sooo bad and i got razor burn horribly! does anybody know any ways you can shave w/ out it leaving bumps everywhere or stinging? thanks in advance! i rate 5s for good answers!

Some guys do some guys are just happy to be near the area and don't care. But to avoid bumps and rashes, (ouch) waxing is the best bet and if you can't get to a salon, use nair or something that is specifically for the bikini area. Also, be careful where you put it if you know what I mean?

Q: i know this is the dumbest question ever. but my and my boyfreind are going on being together a month. do we celebrate by the date (it was september 16th btw, which will be four weeks on tuesday) or do we celebrate it by the day of hte week? i have no idea wether i should do somehting for him on tuesday, or wait until the 16th?

You are too cute. I think the 16th is the exact month, but why not do something special next weekend regardless of the exact date to celebrate? Have fun!

Q: I have strep throat but my doctor told me that after 24 hours of beign on my medicine i wouldnt be contagious anymore. IF i went to a movie with my boyfriend tonight can I kiss him? Will it get him sick even though I have been on my medicine for a little over 24 hours. I NEED GOOD ADVICE I RATE HIGH! ANSWER THIS ASAP I NEEED TO KNOW

I think 48 hours on the medicine is safe. You may pass germs on to him. By Monday night if you are feeling up for it, you should be a-ok to kiss all night. better safe than sorry, right?

Q: 16/m I started Junior year a few weeks ago, and I realised that I was not having as much fun as in Sophmore year... I couldn't figure it out at first, but I realised eventually that I was not talking to my friends as much, and had sunken back behind the plane of quietness once again. I worked hard to get through it Sophmore year, and I probably still would be in it if my scenario hadn't increased.
I have friends. Last year, myself and these friends were closely bonded. Well, 1 of them became drum major. As a result, he became involved with the duties, and with the other drum major. He's gone now, and we rarely talk to him. 2 of them had formed a band with 2 outsiders last spring. They are now just so involved, that all they do is talk about the band and hang out with each other. Another 2 got girlfriends, and no longer really speak to anyone but them. A sixth and a seventh are girl magnets, and never have really been with us. 1 is the opposite pole of a girl magnet, but tries to physically be attracted. AKA, he touches them and doesn't leave them alone.
That leaves 3 of us left. 1 of them is just, different, and never has had a true relationship with us. He's all of a person who makes a hundred jokes, yet has no substance for a friendsip... Then the last two are myself and one other guy, and we get along fine and have a close relationship (Friends.)
So, what do I do?

Its sometimes really hard in the second half of high school as friends and interests change.
If these guys are your best friends make plans to hang out, maybe on a Sunday or one day after school that you are all free. Some of my closest friends are people I don't see all the time but the ones I have the best time with when I do see them.
In the meantime, what do you like to do? Are you interested in writing, or sports or music? If you get involved in things that you are interested in you will find others who have similar interests. It would just add to your group of friends.