Basketball3846's advice column

askBasketball3846

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I am a very popular female at mi highschool, and mi highschool is known for a lot of lesbians and gay males. It is crazy because I always said how it was nasty to date the same sex. Well I am realizing that I am attracted to females. Well it's one inparticular tho. It's like no one turned me out or ne thing I just catch mi palms sweating wen I get around her and me daydreamin' about her. It's even more crazier because we are so close. I don't know what to do, maybe it's just lust but I really like her. I am afarid because mi cousins would kill me if they knew, I want to tell her but don't know how. Should I give hints or just tell her? Wen would be the right time to tell mi bf and mi fav. cousin. It's not like I care if others know, I just need those three people to kno. PLEASE HELP me, rate 5's for any useful advice

Well, this isn't going to be easy I can start out by telling you that right now. Just start out by going up to the girl you like and since you two are close, just tell her that you are a lesbian. She should understand since your close. After that she may ask who it is you like and then is the time to say that it's her. and for your bf and cousin, just sit them down (you dont have to at the same time) and calmly explain to them that you're really confused and that you think you may be a lesbian. your cousins family and your bf should always be there for you no matter what. it may shock them at first, but it's fine. you can't help what you really are.

Q: okay so theres this girl "n" that told everyone lies about me, "n" and i were really good friends over the summer...

Theres this girl "m" that ive became really really great friends with over the beginning of the school year.. un till "n" told everyone about me...

im peatty much the nicest person ull ever meet. i once offerd to take a bullet from a gun (no kidding) but then someone stopped me with a bullet proof vest...

i live in westchester county NY, and thats where all of the snotty people go, i admit i am snotty, but not as the others.

Ok so my friend imed me: heres the exact copy. but I obviously changed the screennames :)

this is with "c"

c: how dare you
me: who is this
c: your worst night mare
me: oh hi carly
c: how do you know it's me
me: your profile
c: o
me: lemme guess now you are going to go against me
c: ahhhh
c: yea pretty much
me: why
me: hello?
c: long story
me: well explain
me: i have till 10
me: because i really thought you were a good friend., i really did.... but now i guess not and i thought wrong

C signed off at 7:48 PM.

This is with "n2"

n2: did you get my ims before
me: no
n2: i dont want 2 be friends w/ you anymore
me: why?!
n2: b/c you were spreading lies about me to marisa and you told her lies about me and dont say no bcuz missa AND nicky said you admitted that and so did britney

i admit i DO talk about ppl behind their backs... but she has to notice everyone talks about her behind her back... SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE IN JOHN JAY!

and a few days priror from this day about a week ago... i had one up about marisa, brittany and i a 3 way conovrsation

they made all of my friends go against me

so really... this is a true story, i cant take this anymore, if makes me gag, Also makes me cry. I litterally have 1 friend, and i dont know if she will go agianst me, and ill be friendless.

I cant make new friends, everyone went against me, im in 7th grade, 13 f.

im litterally in TEARS now...

i wanna quit life...

my life isnt fair, my gram-gram is dieing, my parents are getting divorced, my sister is going away to college, one of my best friends who lives in NH got cancer.. I have a desiese... i cant take this anymore!!!

HELP HELP HELP HELPPPPPP!

please :) Laurie

I am SOOO sorry hun!! Do not worry cause I promise you things will get better!! Obvi these people aren't worth it if they wont believe you over this girl who is spreading rumors about you! Like the other person said earlier, things completely change around in high school. It may be a while off but it changes everything. Just go and talk to your remaining best friend, your parents, or your sister about everything. Maybe even a school conselor or a teacher you really like. You will feel 10 times better once you start talking to people about all of this. Good Luck and I hope everything turns out to be better soon!!

Q: Ok, I need some advice. Just words of wisdom to help me out. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together with me, but I am having a hard time trusting him and understanding him. So, I am going to let you read an AIM conversation between us and let me know what you think. Ok? Just give me whatever advice comes your way. Here it is:

Before you read it: Cory left me back in January for a girl named Allyson who is in California. He even went to see her over the summer. WE are in Indiana. Cory is in college and I am taking the semester off to work and be with family after the breakup. Cory was cheating on me with Allyson (telling her that he loved her and had already dumped me) for 4 months before I found out. He says he fell in love with her! He told me that he never loved me like he loved her and all of that. I was devastated. He and I had been together for nearly 3 years!!!!! Well, now, they are over and he has come back to me. He wants me back and is asking for my trust and wants me to be with him. we even made out a week ago and it was AMAZING! But, I can't seem to let the past go. Just read this. Now that you have a little background, you should understand!

Me: Hey baby! How are y?ou
Him: fine
Me: you ok?
Me: busy?
Him: a little
Me: Hmmmm
Me: who are you talking to?
Me: Laugh out Loud
Me: Just kidding
Him: no one
Him: working on this song
Me: Cool Beans Batman!
Me: My hair is BLONDE!
Him: ok, good
Me: you didn't like it dark?
Him: not really
Me: Laugh out loud, ok
Me: Well, its like almost white
Me: Kinda hard to get used to
Him: we'll see
Me: Ok
Me: I found some old pictures of us on a CD
Me: I ripped all of the paper ones
Him: ok
Me: Sorry!
Me: Did you take Allyson's pictures off your phone?
Him: no, just like i didn't take yours off my computer
Me: Hmmmmm....
Me: But hers are Nasty cause she is a whore and all and if you want to forget her, then why keep them?
Him: she's not a whore, and i'm not going to put up with that (insert my name here)
Me: ?
Me: with what?
Him: i am not going to put up with you bad mouthing my ex
Me: And I have reason to NOT do that?
Him: you'll lose some of my respect
Me: Well, ok, I wont bad mouth her, but, um, why keep the pictures?
Him: i want to remember
Me: you want to remember leaving me and hurting me?
Him: i want to remember her, and california, and the good times we had
Me: Why? Why does it mean that much to you if you are over her?
Me: I will tell you why, cause you still love her, and want her, and you dont love me, you only want me cause you and her are over. I am just a rebound! You dont regret ANYTHING that you did at all. You dont even think it was wrong, do you? I get it now!
Him: o my god, i am not going to put up with this shit, night
Me: I am not trying to be rude, I am sorry
Me: I am just hurt cause I see it now
Him: no, you don't
Him: cause that
Him: that's not it
Him: i am tired of your jealous attitude
Him: just fuck it
Him: forget everything that's happened the past couple of weeks between us
Him: bye
Me: How can I not be jealous? You left me for her.
Me: Sorry!
Him: do you WANT to lose me again, cause you are going to..
Me: I am sorry, what is it that I dont understand then?
Him: i just want to remember her! christ!
Him: jesus FUCKING christ
Me: Well, ok, but how would you feel if I had half nude pics of Nick on my phone and would not delete them? I mean, others, ok, I can see that.
Me: Is this really what you want? : forget everything that's happened the past couple of weeks between us
Him: it seems to be what you want
Me: No, it isn't Cory!
Him: then just shut up about the past
Him: i am not going to talk about it anymore
Me: I WANT YOU! But, I cant help it that I am jealous of her, Cory! You cant expect me to just let it go whenever it was something that hurt me as much as it did. You just dont undertsand that.
Me: And I am sorry that you dont want to talk about it, but talking about it helps my insecurities
Me: Talking is what we have to do to fix the problems
Him: well, i just don't want to talk about it
Me: So, you don't want to fix my insecurities? Cause thats about the only way
Me: I mean, you couldn't have expected this to all be easy? I thought we agreed to fix things together. Remember? You even said "Then let me heal you" when I told you that I was still hurt. And, I am!
Me: I can't help that.
Him: i'm just busy, and i want to just forget everything from before
Me: Then why r you mad at me
Me: ?
Him: i'm not
Me: I think you are
Me: I was just trying to talk to you and you blew up. AGAIN
Me: ?
Him: i'm just writing this music
Him: it's star wars
Me: Ok
Me: Well.....
Me: ?
Him: wanna hear it so far?
Me: Cory, I love you sweetie and I want to be with you again and make this work, but your always blowing up on me. And I am sorry that I am insecure, but I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME WITH IT!
Me: Sure
Him: just a sec then
Me: ?
Me: you calling?
Him: yes
Me: You dont sound to happy to talk to me when you call
Him: i am just preoccupied here
Me: ok, so, back on the subject......
Me: Like I said:
Me: Cory, I love you sweetie and I want to be with you again and make this work, but your always blowing up on me. And I am sorry that I am insecure, but I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME WITH IT!
Me: Thats EXACTLY how I feel
Him: well, not much i can do, you just have to get over things, and give it time
Me: get over what?
Him: the past
Me: and what about you blowing up on me?
Him: just cause i am busy
Me: Ok, well, I guess I can try to be more understanding about that, but you need to try not to
Him: ok
Me: But, you already said to foget everything, so.....
Me: and you said that I was going to lose you
Him: just stop
Me: ?
Him: i'm going to bed
Him: i'm tired of this tonight
Me: Ok, well, did you mean what you said?
Him: no
Me: If so, just tell me
Me: Ok, then, why did you say it?
Him: just tired of talking about all this stuff
Me: O My God! I am doing it AGAIN! This is what drove you crazy last time. I nit pick! Every word you say
Him: yeah, exactly
Me: UGH! I am sorry!
Him: going to bed
Him: to bed i said
Me: Laugh Out Loud
Me: Well, Sorry!
Him: night, love you
Him: night
Me: Just give it time, I will stop being so stupid!
Me: And I love you too!
Me: gnite
Him: is away at 11:14:18 PM.

Let me know what you think!

Wow I definatly would NOT take him back!!! It obvi doesn't sound like he doesn't even care how you feel. He cheated on you and he should be begging you to take him back. He hurt you and this right here doesn't exactly scream i love you with all my heart and i want you more than anything. You have a right to ask the questions you're asking. It's fine he still wants to remember the times he had with allyson but honestly, it is kinda wrong. Take a break from him and let him see that he can't just treat you like this. Good Luck!

Q: i've been having a really off week, and today was the worst ever for me [i'm a guy btw]. i guess you can say that everyone knows me, and i'm not too bad company. today was really bad for me, I felt depressed. a lot of my guy friends noticed right away something was wrong, because i'm usually the one to make the first weird comment or try to make a joke out of things - but i do know when to stop. anyways, teachers too noticed, and everyone said that it was noticeable that something was wrong with me, and that it made them feel bad too when i was around. is that normal, like does that usually happen to you guys or with your friends? its not like i'm thinking about giving up on life, but any suggestions to get my mind off of it and feel better- talking about it hasn't seemed to help... thanks - will rate good.

That happens to me all the time. It actually happens to everyone haha. When I tried to talk to my mom about it she said she has it too. What she called it was seasonal depression. Since it's winter and getting darker out and everything, that tends to make your mood go down. Also, if the weather even has been really bad and rainy, that can also make you feel down. You'll pull out of it quickly though, don't worry. What I usually do is just keep hanging out with my friends as much as I can and they always seem to take my mind off things. Also, if school seems to be stressing you out to much, take a day off and just relax. Hope you feel better!!
xoxox

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 yrs. We moved in together about 4 months ago. And I asked him before I agreed to move in with him if he thought he loved me enough to ever marry. He said yes. But since we have moved in together I am scared he will never ask me. How do I know if he ever will or not?

Well, you definatly cannot be sure with guys. The most likely reason is he is scared. It is an extremely large commitment and well, you can't really blame him. If he said he would though, he probably will. Just give him some time and let him pull up some courage. Hope everything turns out well!!

Q: ok to guys out there plese help, would it sound all clingy and stuff if i asked my boyfriend if he loves me more than he loved his ex?
please help
rate high
xxx

Well, you could ask him but from first hand experiance, it can get kind of messy. He does love you now and you know that because he is with you now and not her. it's understandable that your curious but he could get very uncomfortable and when I asked... he got very quiet for quite a few days. So I personally wouldn't risk it.

Q: I'll admit, I am only 14, but I love the military. I have wanted to be a fighter pilot dating back to when I was five. My father recently retired from the Navy, and I want to join USAF, but I can't. I have diabetes. I find is very discouraging and discriminating that diabetics can not join. If one wants to join, I think the oppurtunity should be there. Right now, I am in Junior Air Force ROTC and my high school. I love the class, and I we (the "flight") were informed that if we joined the service, we would automatically be started at a higher rank than the others. But I do not have the choice to join, and I am considering to write to George Bush explaning how I feel. Should I?

I think that that is a great idea. Just because you have an illness should not mean you shouldn't be left out of things that you want to do. Especially since you seem to be so interested in it. I can somewhat understand where they are coming from though, because you could like pass out or something if your sugars all of a sudden get to low. I'm not exactly sure what can happen when that happens, but still I think you should write him and tell him. I'm so on your side with this!! haha good luck!!

Q: ok i am signed up for advicenator but i never thought that id need advice myself theres this girl and everytime i see her my stomach feels really weird and i feel like i want to be around her for a long time and i try to pick my words carfully but they allways come out wrong, i might as well be saying hoopiewatlenslurgin? wat the heck is wrong? im confused!!!!!!!!!

haha well my friend there is a simple answer here... you like her... a lot. haha

Q: I was recently dumped by my boyfriend on my birthday. it was so painful but i dont know how to get over him its been about 2 or 3 weeks now since we broke up but i cant stop thinking about him. I always catch myself listening to songs that are similiar to are break up. People are always telling me to get over him but its hard when you loved some one. You cant just forget what happened. I always look back on are first kiss at my party. Somtimes i even cry my self to sleep. Well the worst part was we were the best of friends before we went out and now that we broke up were always arguing and im always getting jeoulose becuase he already likes other girls and he is always talking about them on the phone. But i mean cant give away are friendship its been to long of being friends to just throw it away. well what should i do to get over this its so painfull! (i am 13 and a girl)

Well first off, I'm really sorry this happened to you... especially on your birthday. Second, there is absolutaly no easy way to go through, trust me it's happened enough to me a fair amount of times. The best way to get your mind off of him is to hang out a lot with your girlfriends. Maybe have a girls night out and go shopping at the mall and scope out some more hot guys. That's always fun. Then, while your talking to him on the phone just calming ask him to hold back on his talk of other girls he likes. Tell him how it's still hard for you and you can't really take all that at one time. It has only been a couple of weeks. And whether you believe it or not, it will get a lot better. Give it time. I promise. Good luck!

Q: ok...i am a guy 14 and i like this girl,shes 14 too.So how i make sure she likes me?I tried asking her out she said no srr im too busy this week...how i know she could like me?or to make her like me?

well you can't really MAKE someone like you but I think the easiest way to do anything would be to just go and tell her how you feel. That way she knows and then if she does like you she will feel completely comfortable telling you.

Q: okay im a f/16 and i shave down there. is that weird if im not having sex at all and dont plan on it any time soon? does anyone else?

That's not weird at all. Not everyone does anyways. I do and I'm only 15 and I most definately don't play on having sex anytime soon. Whatever you're happy with is all that really matters.

Q: oh and to all those people with the ? when is the right time to have sex? its when you are ready.
no body can tell you when to have sex.

and ways my ? is..
how long into the relationship do you have sex.
i rate high for nice people

well id go with what you said. wait until the time is right and you both are ready to take your relationship to that level.
hope i helped! :)

Q: Whenever I shave my armpit, I get red bumps in there and the hair still looks like I didn't shave it. Like there is still "stubble" (kinda i guess) left there. I only use water to shave, so is it that? My razor is a pretty good razor. It's not disposable. Is it that I need a new blade? Please help, the red bumps look really weird/ugly, I want to get of rid of them ASAP! (and prevent them from appearing again!) THANKS!

yeah the problem is is that your not using enough soap substince stuff. make sure you use soap, shaving cream, or lotion works well too. the red bumps are razor burn and will go away once you start using the right things.

Q: If you have seen the exorcism of emily rose please help me undertsand this. Whenever she was in the field with the Virgin Mary, what did Mary ask her? Whenever Emily said "I choose to stay." Was the a good choice or a bad choice? Why did she choose to stay? Please explain.

The Virgin Mary asked her whether she wanted to stay or go up to the holy land. But if she did stay she would be in pain and agnoy for the remander of time she was here. But Emily chose to stay so that people would finally see that demons do exist and know her story.

Q: What is an approiate age to have sex? I'm 15/F but I want to wait until I'm married. Is that the best time?

People do it at all differant ages and there's no "right" time to do it. A lot people wait until there married that way they know that they are really in love when they first do it and it's not with some guy that they could break up with the next day. When ever you do decide to, make sure you feel completely comfortable with the guy your with. And always use protection.

Q: ok i went for a checkup at the doctors.. like i have to go yearly because of school.... and like.. they did the urine sample like where i have to pee in a cup. so i did. they said i had protein i it. so i have to go back and pee in a cup again. like they said i had little protein in it. so i looked it up and it could deal with the kidneys.. now i am really scared of needles and i have like really sensitive skin.. so like.. im so confused and really worried.. is this going to be that serious.. cuz like if i had to put it in percentage i would say i have 5% of protein in me.. but yet i don't know because i have to go tomorrow just to make sure. so like i am really scared. what happens if i do have it. can i die? please help me. i am only 13.

Rissa

Don't worry. You're 13, that means your body is going through a lot of changes. It's true kidney problems can start early, but it is extremely rare. You have nothing to worry about. Keep strong and don't worry. I'm sure all will turn out fine.

*..:..* Leah *..:..*

Q: ok so at my highschool we got a pool and have to go swimming. the problem is i dont feel comfrontable taking off ALL my clothes to wear my bathing suit infront of everyone.. they think just because we are all girls and have the same body parents that it is ok but i personaly dont think that is right.. and another thing is we cant use the "girl problem" to stop us from swimming" but i have NEVER used a tampon and i have heared from my friends that the doctor has told them it is bad for you and can mess up soemthing down there?? what can i do??

p.s

i dont start PE until next term

Well, trust me tampons are perfectly harmless as long as you don't keep them in longer than 5-6 hours. Make sure right after you swim you change though because if you don't it could get really iritated. And cases of TSS (toxic shock syndrome) are very very rare. You don't have anything to worry about. Make sure that when/ if you decided to try them read the paper in the box about TSS so you understand everything. As for something getting "messed up" I doubt anything serious has ever gotten messed up other than getting TSS.
And as for wearing your bathing suit in public, it's understandable that you feel uncomfortable. A lot of people do. Just know that no one will say anything and you have nothing to worry about. And it's sounds like your school is all the same sex so this way it's better. You don't have any pressure of having to impress guys or anything like that ;)

*..:..* Leah *..:..*

Q: i need cutte ways to as this girl to a dance like really cute ways shell be like aww i no that i ask her regualr she will say yes

Well a really cute way would be to stick a flower in her locker saying will you go to the dance with me, your secret admirer. then the next day put another one in and say ill pick you up at ___, your secret admirer. But make sure she knows thats its going to be you or it will just be kind of weird.

Q: Where can i get free graphics like cursors, backrounds, blinkies, dividers, scroll bars, banners, welcome signs, music, adoptables, aim icons, other html help like font issues, and maybe even quizes that give the code for the result? I would prefer at least one of those graphics on the sight. Thanks in advance. If I get a really good answer I'll rate high.

www.pimpmywebpage.com is awesome to use. they have cursors, background colors, scroll bar colors and a bunch of other stuff. the website itself is kinda weird when you try to get to it cause you have to keep hitting refresh until it works. but it is a great site.

Q: My mom makes me wear the dumbest clothes! It's so annoying. She's Chinese, and she grew up in a society you get one pair of pants a year. I'm 13, but the kind of clothes I have to wear are like for a ten-year-old! I hate it! Stuff like pink and white striped T shirts and rose-printed shorts and stuff she thinks that are "cute" and "what kids should wear." I H-A-T-E pastels!

Stuff like this:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=sc_pgc_r_6_0_13142261/601-1335553-9076132?%5Fencoding=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B0007KQZ3Y

http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product_brandboutique.asp?styleid=2866100&boutique=roxy&category=2379292~2380331~2379796~2384475&NextStyleID=2866090&PrevStyleID=2866103
(COPY and PASTE)

Ive tried talking to her, but she never changes her mind. When I show her my kind of stuff, she wrinkles her nose.
On the other hand, I like stuff like Converse shoes, torn jeans, tyedye stuff like that. People never take me seriously! What should I do and where can I get some good jeans?

haha dont worry thats how all parents are. especially if your an only child or the youngest one. they just dont want to let you grow up. dont worry about it though. just try and sit down to talk with her again and tell her. mom, im 13 years old and i think im old enough to start wearing the clothes that I want to wear. bring her to Gap or A&F and show her the things you want to wear. start out small like a plain t-shirt and then work your way up. its going to take some time for her to get used to it but it will eventually work. good luck.

bio

Hey guys! My name is Leah and I am 15 years old. I'm from Maine where it's always beautiful but for some reason, everyone here wants to leave it. I love playing basketball and just hangin out with my friends whenever I can. I am the advice giver in my group of friends and I always help them out with whatever it is they may need. When I get older I want to be a phyciatrist and have a huskey named Isabella. I don't know why but I do. If you have a problem, I am here for you and wont judge you at all. I never pass up on a question passed to me so don't be shy. I've been through a lot in the past 15 years and I'm sure I will be able to answer a majority of you guys' questions. Hit me up and don't forget to live for the moment. It's the most important thing you can do.