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I am confused!
Ok, I need some advice. Just words of wisdom to help me out. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together with me, but I am having a hard time trusting him and understanding him. So, I am going to let you read an AIM conversation between us and let me know what you think. Ok? Just give me whatever advice comes your way. Here it is:
Before you read it: Cory left me back in January for a girl named Allyson who is in California. He even went to see her over the summer. WE are in Indiana. Cory is in college and I am taking the semester off to work and be with family after the breakup. Cory was cheating on me with Allyson (telling her that he loved her and had already dumped me) for 4 months before I found out. He says he fell in love with her! He told me that he never loved me like he loved her and all of that. I was devastated. He and I had been together for nearly 3 years!!!!! Well, now, they are over and he has come back to me. He wants me back and is asking for my trust and wants me to be with him. we even made out a week ago and it was AMAZING! But, I can't seem to let the past go. Just read this. Now that you have a little background, you should understand!
Me: Hey baby! How are y?ou
Him: fine
Me: you ok?
Me: busy?
Him: a little
Me: Hmmmm
Me: who are you talking to?
Me: Laugh out Loud
Me: Just kidding
Him: no one
Him: working on this song
Me: Cool Beans Batman!
Me: My hair is BLONDE!
Him: ok, good
Me: you didn't like it dark?
Him: not really
Me: Laugh out loud, ok
Me: Well, its like almost white
Me: Kinda hard to get used to
Him: we'll see
Me: Ok
Me: I found some old pictures of us on a CD
Me: I ripped all of the paper ones
Him: ok
Me: Sorry!
Me: Did you take Allyson's pictures off your phone?
Him: no, just like i didn't take yours off my computer
Me: Hmmmmm....
Me: But hers are Nasty cause she is a whore and all and if you want to forget her, then why keep them?
Him: she's not a whore, and i'm not going to put up with that (insert my name here)
Me: ?
Me: with what?
Him: i am not going to put up with you bad mouthing my ex
Me: And I have reason to NOT do that?
Him: you'll lose some of my respect
Me: Well, ok, I wont bad mouth her, but, um, why keep the pictures?
Him: i want to remember
Me: you want to remember leaving me and hurting me?
Him: i want to remember her, and california, and the good times we had
Me: Why? Why does it mean that much to you if you are over her?
Me: I will tell you why, cause you still love her, and want her, and you dont love me, you only want me cause you and her are over. I am just a rebound! You dont regret ANYTHING that you did at all. You dont even think it was wrong, do you? I get it now!
Him: o my god, i am not going to put up with this shit, night
Me: I am not trying to be rude, I am sorry
Me: I am just hurt cause I see it now
Him: no, you don't
Him: cause that
Him: that's not it
Him: i am tired of your jealous attitude
Him: just fuck it
Him: forget everything that's happened the past couple of weeks between us
Him: bye
Me: How can I not be jealous? You left me for her.
Me: Sorry!
Him: do you WANT to lose me again, cause you are going to..
Me: I am sorry, what is it that I dont understand then?
Him: i just want to remember her! christ!
Him: jesus FUCKING christ
Me: Well, ok, but how would you feel if I had half nude pics of Nick on my phone and would not delete them? I mean, others, ok, I can see that.
Me: Is this really what you want? : forget everything that's happened the past couple of weeks between us
Him: it seems to be what you want
Me: No, it isn't Cory!
Him: then just shut up about the past
Him: i am not going to talk about it anymore
Me: I WANT YOU! But, I cant help it that I am jealous of her, Cory! You cant expect me to just let it go whenever it was something that hurt me as much as it did. You just dont undertsand that.
Me: And I am sorry that you dont want to talk about it, but talking about it helps my insecurities
Me: Talking is what we have to do to fix the problems
Him: well, i just don't want to talk about it
Me: So, you don't want to fix my insecurities? Cause thats about the only way
Me: I mean, you couldn't have expected this to all be easy? I thought we agreed to fix things together. Remember? You even said "Then let me heal you" when I told you that I was still hurt. And, I am!
Me: I can't help that.
Him: i'm just busy, and i want to just forget everything from before
Me: Then why r you mad at me
Me: ?
Him: i'm not
Me: I think you are
Me: I was just trying to talk to you and you blew up. AGAIN
Me: ?
Him: i'm just writing this music
Him: it's star wars
Me: Ok
Me: Well.....
Me: ?
Him: wanna hear it so far?
Me: Cory, I love you sweetie and I want to be with you again and make this work, but your always blowing up on me. And I am sorry that I am insecure, but I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME WITH IT!
Me: Sure
Him: just a sec then
Me: ?
Me: you calling?
Him: yes
Me: You dont sound to happy to talk to me when you call
Him: i am just preoccupied here
Me: ok, so, back on the subject......
Me: Like I said:
Me: Cory, I love you sweetie and I want to be with you again and make this work, but your always blowing up on me. And I am sorry that I am insecure, but I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND HELP ME WITH IT!
Me: Thats EXACTLY how I feel
Him: well, not much i can do, you just have to get over things, and give it time
Me: get over what?
Him: the past
Me: and what about you blowing up on me?
Him: just cause i am busy
Me: Ok, well, I guess I can try to be more understanding about that, but you need to try not to
Him: ok
Me: But, you already said to foget everything, so.....
Me: and you said that I was going to lose you
Him: just stop
Me: ?
Him: i'm going to bed
Him: i'm tired of this tonight
Me: Ok, well, did you mean what you said?
Him: no
Me: If so, just tell me
Me: Ok, then, why did you say it?
Him: just tired of talking about all this stuff
Me: O My God! I am doing it AGAIN! This is what drove you crazy last time. I nit pick! Every word you say
Him: yeah, exactly
Me: UGH! I am sorry!
Him: going to bed
Him: to bed i said
Me: Laugh Out Loud
Me: Well, Sorry!
Him: night, love you
Him: night
Me: Just give it time, I will stop being so stupid!
Me: And I love you too!
Me: gnite
Him: is away at 11:14:18 PM.
Let me know what you think!
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Wow I definatly would NOT take him back!!! It obvi doesn't sound like he doesn't even care how you feel. He cheated on you and he should be begging you to take him back. He hurt you and this right here doesn't exactly scream i love you with all my heart and i want you more than anything. You have a right to ask the questions you're asking. It's fine he still wants to remember the times he had with allyson but honestly, it is kinda wrong. Take a break from him and let him see that he can't just treat you like this. Good Luck!
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No, I don't think that you should go back out with him. He's an idiot. He's coldhearted. Look at this line:
Him: well, not much i can do, you just have to get over things, and give it time
A REALLY nice guy would have said, "I'm sorry, can you please forgive me?" or something along those lines. This line just makes it seem like he really doesn't care about how you feel.
And that's not all! It's kind of weird how he wants to hold on to the past by keeping the pictures of his ex-girlfriends, but then he tries to forget all of the bad things he did in the past (breaking up with you). He seems kind of stubborn; not admitting his mistakes, but simply forgetting about them. People who don't learn from mistakes are doomed to repeat them. Some man he is.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL!! HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Lack of communication is bad for a relationship. You'd probably get frustrated with him if you got in a relationship.
You apologized a few times in the conversation... for what? Did he ever apologize to you when he hurt you? You did nothing wrong. You're probably just scared that he will get mad at you and not want to get into a relationship with you again, which is why you apologized so much.
He just doesn't seem to care about the relationship and HOW YOU FEEL! Don't go out with this guy; you're only putting yourself through more pain.
Bottom line? HE WAS THE ONE WHO HURT YOU. HE LIED. HE CHEATED. HE WAS THE IDIOT. He took your heart, that you trusted him with, and broke it, and if you get into a relationship with him again, the past is doomed to repeat itself. He betrayed your trust once already, remember that.
I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders
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Hell Effin no! dont go back with him!!!!! He freakin chose another girl over you! and now you ARE HIS REBOUND! if he loved you, he would of NEVER LEFT YOU, NEVER LIE TO YOU, AND NEVER CHEAT ON YOU! and what are you apologizing for? YOU DID NOTHING WRONG so what the fuck? dont think you did. Let go of him and be strong hes a cheater and you need to LET GO! you sound very insecure and guys really dont like that!
x3Kristen
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Have you read that conversation to yourself, really? beause it doesnt sound like he wants to get back together with you. im sorry, i know its hard, i've been there, and i dont want to sound cruel because ive been like this too but you sound desperate when u talk to him. you keep saying "sweetie, i love you" and you keep apologising, you've done nothing wrong. anyone would be insecure if they've been what you've been through. he was cruel to you. he makes you feel so bad and upset and horrible, he doesnt care about you or want to support you and understand about why you are so insecure. he's really not worth it.
if he loved you, you wouldnt keep swearing at you in that convosation, he wuldnt be so abrupt, he wouldnt go to bed because he'd want to sort it out and be with it. he doesnt even sound like he wants to be your friend, let alone your boyfriend. and how could you ever trust him again?
you deserve better! if you did get back with im it wouldnt last very long because he's not interested and you'd never be sure how long it would be before he cheats n you or dumps you again. it will play on your mind and make you feel a whole lot worse.
dont let him do this too you again sweetie. he is so not worth it!
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I'm sorry hun but he (according to your version of him and the conversation) sounds like a jerk =) and you on the other hand sound like a cutie who wants to have fun lol I think you can do better..he might just want to get back with you to do crap..And if I were you I wouldnt risk it. funny, because im going through almost the same thing..This boy liked me and was all over me then the next day hes going out with a different girl.. 2 months later, which would be today he likes me again and is saying sorry for hurting me but ya know what? I dont care because he did it and it stunk.
You can do better. Dont go for him hun
emily =)
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He sounds like a loser. He doesn't love you. It doesn't sound like either of you knows what love is to throw it around like that. If he cheated on you he doesn't love you. Maybe he loves the sex, maybe he loves the attention, maybe he loves thinking about all the good times- but he doesn't love you. Visa versa, you don't love him, you just hate yourself. You are thinking that you didn't have something that made him go elsewhere and that's why you want him back, and want him to appologize and tell you that he was wrong. But even if he does tell you that he didn't mean it, he did. He was wrong, and most likely will tell you that he was wrong, but even if he says it, it doesn't mean anything. The fact is that he lied and broke your heart and that should be the end of it. I've been there. You must be around 14 or 15. Well, I'm 20 now, and if I look back at those situations there was no love, it was all lust, it was all about insecurites and making him want you to prove to yourself that you are 'wantable'. This is not the way to do it. You should love yourself, and not need a guy to tell you that you are beautiful, because you should just know that. Plus, in your question you made it sound like he wanted to be back with you more than you wanted to be with him, and from your conversation it makes it sound like you are beggin him back to you. Stop talking to him and be over with it. He doesn't respect you, and you aren't respecting yourself to even consider going back with him.
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You need to give up on him and stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. He left you for something that he thought was better. Who says he won't do that again if you get back together with him? He seems to be the type of person that is always looking for better and will give up what he has to get it. This time it turned out that it wasn't better and he realized that he messed up. He's not sorry for it, he just wants you back because now you are the best that he can get and because he's also the type of person that needs to be in a relationship. If you don't take him back he'll find someone else, probably right away. Another thing, isn't he the one trying to get back with you? He's throwing more guilt trips you way than he is throwing compliments and apologies. "Once a cheater always a cheater". It's not worth another heartache and he's being pretty mean to you. The pictures don't make any difference in the situation. He can keep them or get rid of them, whatever he wants to do. That shouldn't influence your decision. My boyfriend has pictures of his old girlfriends, not naked ones, but pictures just the same and I've learned not to let it bother me. It's just not important enough. I think it's also a guy thing that girls just can't understand. You're focusing on the pictures when you should be focusing on him, what he's done, and what he will do in the future. There's no way that you can ever fully trust him again and you shouldn't. I know it's tough to get over someone especially after three years, but you need to move on with your life. Get out and get back in college and meet new people. There's tons of great guys out there. If you're not ready for a relationship yet there's no reason why you can't take a little more time off from that, but you do need to get back into college. Don't let this cheater mess with your life as well as with your emotions. Remember that nothing is your fault and there's no reason for you to ever apologize to him about anything. He did wrong, not you. He's not worth all of this! I hope I helped you and good luck. <3
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Well you really should give it some time. And like he said, get over the past. I know he hurt you so much, but if you don't let things go, then that's what's going to hold you back on things. And also, maybe you shouldn't really like, bring it up anymore. About how he cheated on you. You can tell he doesn't want to talk about it. Don't bother him so much about that. It seems like he's sorry.. I know you want to make everything work, but since you said he's "blowing up" on you all the time, talking about it just makes him mad.Boys don't really like to express their emotions. That's why he's getting so angry about it. Just hang out with him && just take things slow. Don't really rush into it because you can probably end up getting hurt again. So just hang out with him, but don't really talk about the past. I'm sorry if i seemed soo, rude! =( I'm not like that. Soo yea lol . =)
♥
EdiT ANSWER!!::
Okay yea don't blame yourself for what happened. I've been with guys who cheated on me AFTER they did, and they were soo nice. Some change. Some don't. Depends on the guy. HE'S TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK, YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT! Talk to him a little bit more, but don't like, yell at him or try and make him feel bad. Even if that feels like the right thing to do since he cheated. But if your trying to make it work, then give it some time and just talk to him(not about the past). Everybody needs somebody in their lives. He probably won't look for someone right away if you don't take him. But just kind of move on, but then don't. You just got to take things slow.
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