I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172851
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ok now i wear thongs and i am kinda the one in skool that no one reallys notices. this is my last year of junor high and i want to be noticed. i want to sit down and have my thong hang out but then i have second thoughts bout it and chicken out. wheat can i do and is it ok if i do this?? plz help me
*~I RATE REALLY GOOD~* (link)
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Think about why you want to get noticed - for your inner witty wonderfulness, or because you let your underwear hang out for all to see?
Think about what messege it sends. Really, I would think a fabulous gesture of another kind would get you noticed for the RIGHT reasons.
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Can someone get pregnant from pre-cum? (link)
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Yes.
Pre-cum, like cum, contains sperm. It's entirely possible, and even probable, that you can get pregnant from pre-cum.
In future, use protection, don't let spermy fingers near a vagina, and don't rub an erection against a vagina without protection.
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i had sex for the first time today...and well my b/f new i was a virgin and everything...it hurt so bad...and i started bleeding really bad...im guessing it was my cherry...but from everyone i have talked to...there isnt that much blood...there was blood all over the condom all over my legs...and everywhere...it was soo nasty...was it just my cherry...or was it sumthin else?? (link)
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Your hymen was probably completely or partially gone by the time you had sex - whether it's intact or not, pain/discomfort and some bleeding is completely normal the first few times you have sex.
If the bleeding continues for more than a day, or is severe, you'll need to see a doctor. Otherwise, wear a pad and be gentle with yourself.
In future, make sure you've got condom-friendly lube around (water based lube), take plenty of time warming up, and your boyfriend knows to be gentle with you for awhile.
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Hm, my friend came to me asking me about something i couldn't answer. So i thought i'd do some research on it. She tell`s me her "discharge" is yellow, but doesn't smell. Does anyone know's what this might mean? Thanks.
Curiouse Friend. (link)
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Discharge can be anywhere from clear to white to yellow. The colour and consistency will change throughout her menstrual cycle - it's her body's sign of showing when she's most fertile, etc.
If the discharge doesn't smell and her vagina is not irritated or itchy, then she's fine. She should remember to practice good hygiene - washing herself daily with a non-deoderized soap, wearing vagina friendly panties as often as possible (cotton!), and changing her tampon/pad whenever needed.
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Hey there everyone! I'm a 16 yr old female and I am a virgin. I am in no way thinking of having sex or asking if i'm too young to or anything, this has to deal more with the future. I am going to wait to have sex until I find a special person, it doesn't really matter if I am married or not. But, I'm afraid that the longer I hold out, it's going to be harder and harder to find a guy that's a virgin also, because it seems like there are none left. So I was wondering if it's silly of me to think that there is a guy out there that is a virgin that I will find somewhere down the road as I get older. Or stop being silly about it and not care? (link)
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I don't think it's silly to want to find someone who has the same standards as you, as long as you realize that your perfect person might have made mistakes in the past.
That being said, my wife was a virgin until the age of 22 when we began our relationship - there are more people like her out there.
Think about the reasons you want to find a virgin, and then honestly try to understand why they are so important. Many things which might seem off-putting, such as a non-virgin, can be resolved with genuine searching and openness with your future partner.
I wish you the best.
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what type of questions i should ask my mum and dad about my family history? (link)
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It's not just your parents - aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-aunts - lots of people can help you. If you just want to make a family tree or get some basic information, you should make a list of stuff you'd like to know.
Names of family members that you're too young to have met, what jobs they had, where they lived. You can send out questionaires to family who might live far away, but it's cool to tape record your parents/etc if you live close-by. You get the information, some possibly cool stories, and something to pass on to your own children.
Ask people to make copies of old pictures, birth certificates, etc and you can make a sort of scrapbook. The cool thing about exploring this area is that you can do as much or as little as you want.
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This question is more for the older ppl here, but if u know the answer, let me know whether u are older or not!
When I get older I'm looking in2 becoming like a news anchor person, or something along that lines. When I go 2 college, wut kinda degree would I need 2 get? I assume a certain degree in communications, but does any1 know if there is a certain degree in particular? Plz let me know! (link)
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If you're serious about this, then you'll want to make sure to research the colleges you want to go to. You'll need a degree in telecommunications, communications, media studies, or another related field.
You'll want to talk to a high school advisor, and possibly make appointments with advisors at a few different colleges to see what they can offer you. You'll want to find a programme which can offer you internships - it'll be as important to get actual job experience as it will be to get that degree.
You could also try contacting yor local news station - most professionals are willing to offer advice and support to young people looking to get into their field. Good luck.
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Theres this guy ive been talking to he used to date my friend, i really like him alot but thing is he is sorta with his baby's mother only because of the child i dont know if i should be with him or not i love him to death and i know he feels the same about me what should i do? (link)
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If he's sort of with his baby's mom, then I say leave it alone. That child deserves the chance to have parents who are together...but even more than that, YOU deserve someone who can be completely committed to you alone.
Think about what dating someone with a child means - he'll be giving time, money, and himself to that child (as he should). He'll be in contact with the mother for the rest of the child's life, and it sounds like he already has trouble staying away from her. His first priority needs to be his baby.
Are you ready to deal with all that? It's a lot to ask any person to honestly be okay with, particularly if you are young. Relationships are complicated enough without adding children, other women, and the baggage which comes along with both.
He's dated your friend. He's gotten someone pregnant and is still with them - though he's leading you on, and therefore cheating on his baby's mother. Doesn't really sound like a good situation for you, or anyone, to enter into.
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I use Spermicidal condoms. Everytime after I have sex it seems liek I'll end up with a yeast infection. I heard your suppose to "pee" before and right after sex. I do that and still I end up with a yeast infection more times than not. Do you think its the spermicide on the condoms or maybe an allegy to latex? If any1 else has had this problem what type of condom do you perfer? Thank You so much for your time! (link)
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Chances are your condoms have Nonxinal-9 as their spermicide; many women have reactions to this, from mild discomfort to itching to rashes.
How do you know what you've been expericing is a yeast infection? The only way to know for sure is by going to a doctor - they can tell you if the smell, lumpy discharge, and itching are due to a yeast infection. If you're not experiencing any of those symptons, I think it's safe to say you do not have a yeast infection.
If these 'infections' are only occuring after sex, then the sex has something to do with it. it could be the spermicide, the latex, or the beginnings of urinary tract infections. If you are experiencing a burning feeling when you pee, then it is a UTI - again, you'll need to see a doctor.
You should probably see a doctor, anyway. Just to check things out & possibly find out about a second form of birth control. Condoms are not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, though I applaud you for using them to lessen the rish of pregnany or STD transmission.
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Ok, there's this guy that likes me. And he's the nicest person you would ever meet. He's so content with who he is. And i love that, and everything about him. But he's bisexual and it kinda creeps me out. I mean, im not homophobic and i love bisexuals and guy people. But i've never gone out with one, and i just think its kinda weird. Like i would kiss him, and realize that he's kissed boys before and stuff. I don't know. Is it bad that i don't wanna go out with him just cuz he's bi? (link)
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I think it's normal to feel weird about any new situation; that's what people do. If you don't have experience in something which is suddenly a part of your life, it's scary.
I think if you genuinely like this guy, then it's only fair to yourself and to him to let him know about your thoughts. He's probably faced situations like this with boys/girls in the past, but I'm willing to bet he's been dumped rather than talked to. If I were him, I would think that you really cared about me if you were willing to be open with me.
I'd also be aware that most bisexual people are perfectly content to be monogamous - for them, sexuality is about falling in love with a person instead of genitalia. They're happy with a male or a female. But a small amount of bisexual people don't feel completely satisfied only with one person, and it's in your best interest to gently probe into this area.
Good luck.
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i had/have a sister.. she is either 3 or about 15... if you havent guessed.she died.. and now almost everytime i hear tha name Abby, or "aww my precious baby girl" or "Ali you're so lucky" i get all upset how can i overcome this?
-Ali (link)
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Have you told your family how you feel? They might be able to link you up with someone who would be good for listening to you - it sounds like you have some grief and confusion which is normal.
Death is painful, whether it happened yesterday or ten years ago. If you don't get help dealing with your grief, the pain won't lessen.
In addition to talking to a professional, it can help to talk to family or friends. Write in a journal. Paint. Listen to certain songs.
It's okay to feel upset and sad; go with your feelings and see where they lead you. It's important to get them out somehow, though, or the place they lead you could make you even more unhappy than you are now.
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i just found out that one of my best friends has been telling people that i was pregnant and had a miscarriage before, it really hurt when i found out, especially when i found out that this was why my boyfriend broke up with me, i want to tell her how i feel but i have no clue what to say, any ides on what i should do? (link)
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Whether you were pregnant and had a miscarriage or not (I'm not sure from your question), your friend shouldn't be spreading that kind of thing around. You're right in wanting to tell her how you feel.
I'd take her aside in a neutral place and ask her why she said those things to other people. I'd openly and honestly let her know how badly hurt I was, and that I felt betrayed.
I think, even though she is in the wrong, it's important to stay calm while you're talking to you - it won't be very productive to yell, as she'll end up yelling back. If you are worried about your ability to stay calm, or to be brave enough to say what's on your mind, a letter can work wonders.
Either way, you need to get your feelings out in the open and try to figure out why she would spread rumours about you. A person who'd do this probably isn't a person I'd trust in the future. While I don't know how close I would stay with her, I do think it's important to get your feelings out in the open.
Good luck.
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what is a boner? (link)
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'Boner' is a slang word for an erection. Erections usually happen when a guy is sexually aroused or excited, though they can also happen while he is asleep, in class, or just watching TV.
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Huh? But proactiv isn't a depressant or a medicine you eat, so how can a teen do suicide after they use it? (link)
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You know, I'm not sure. I was flipping through TV channels last year, and I ended up watching a court case. A bunch of families were suing Proactiv - their children had killed themselves, and many had depressive episodes start when they started the medication.
I don't know if Proactiv was definitively linked with those deaths or not, which is why I recommend talking to a doctor.
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yesterday i threw up... 9 times and all day yesterday i ate a bananna {{b4 i thru up}}, a peice of chicken {{after i thru up}}, and half a slice of turkey {{after i thru up}}. today i ate a bowl of ceral with milk, maybe half a bowl of ceral {{dry}} prolly less then half a bowl. i still dont feel good but w/e. well im really hungry and tonight for dinner were having pork {{i personally dont like it and it might make me throw up again}} i dk im really hungry wut do i do?? (link)
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My mom's a nurse, and she always tells me the same thing when I feel this way - small sips of water, fruit juice, or carbonated drinks can help you out. You don't want to drink huge amounts or eat before you're ready, because you'll just end up throwing up.
If you feel ready to eat, then you need to eat things like dry toast, crackers, plain rice, or applesauce. It's called the BRAT diet by medical people - the 'b' is for banana, which we already know your stomach isn't ready for.
Plain toast won't let you down, and if you keep sipping water throughout the evening, that'll help you feel more full.
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A lot of people say this "proactiv" solution works. It is always being advertised on tv and online. I am so ready to order it, but then I stop and think,..like hello? it's from the infomerical! And do they have it available at stores, so I'll know it really does work? (link)
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Not to get overly weird or anything, but proactiv has been linked with several cases of teen suicide. For some reason, it can trigger depression in some people.
For that reason alone, I would talk to a doctor before ordering it. It might be that a doctor or demotologist could recommend a better medication, or they could set your mind at ease about Proactiv. It's definately worth checking anything medical out with a professional, though, because medicine of any kind - even medicine for acne - can have unexpected effects on your body.
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what is the average size for a male erected penis? (link)
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I was going to type 5.5 to 6, but I wanted to double check.
http://www.average-penis-size-chart.com/ has a handy little chart which you can take a look at.
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im going to a new school and i have a friend there that hangs out with a lot of guys. for some reason im really shy around guys so, what do i do???
how do i break the barrier of being shy towards them?
HELP!! (link)
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You're on one side of the line and boys are on the other - lucky for you, though, you have a friend who already knocked the barrier down.
If you want to be more comfortable hanging around guys and meeting them, then stick to your friend. You already know her, and she knows the guys - so that's how you meet them.
She'll have things in common with them if she already knows them well, so you can ask her about individual guys, or even just follow her lead. I always feel more comfortable in awkward situations if I have a friend with me, and I really do think she'll help.
Of course, don't forget that you'll be meeting a lot of other new people at your school, too. You'll probably meet a lot of people who are uncomfortable around guys, and you can spend time with them.
Either way, good luck!
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ok I like these 2 guys (one my bf and the other not) well my bf (Blake) and
the other guy(Nick) hate each other ok the middle of june I went out w/ blake
and broke up w/ him to go out w/ nick then i broke up w/ nick cuz he was lying
and talkin to his x behind my back, then went back out w/ nick and he broke
up w/ me and asked me back out and I said yes so I
went out w/ nick for the
3rd time and then he broke up w/ me again (he said he was embarressed)
then Blake asked me back out and I'm going out w/ him
and now Nick wants me to break up w/ Blake to go back out w/ him in
secreet and I don;'t wanna keep it a scret but he does and Blake doesn't
know I ever went out w/ nick either but in june they got into a fist fight
@ church and yeah
and I dk what to do should I go BACK out w/ nick or stay w/ blake I'm
bossy to both of them but can't tell them y (I can but don't know how
to say it cuz it's kinda embarressin y I'm mean to them) I trust Nick
more but blake is funnyer and nicer but they both have their tempers
but I dk what to do I wanna tell them y I am so mean so they could jus be paitent
but ok here's what I don't wanna tell them but I think I prolly should I'm always
mean to them but I don't know how to tell them I got told i love u by 2 pple
one guy ment it and the other didn't the one that didn't i loved them back and
the one who loved me I didn't love him. he used to literally kick the crap outta
me b*cuz I couldn't say it back and I know he did love
me cuz that's how he grew up thinking love was his
dad did the same thing to his mom but I always had bruises and everything and
I tryed to stick up for myself but it just got worse so now I'm all like tense that someone
is gonna do it to me again he did that for a year 3 months and 8 days and then the day
he moved (middle of june) he gave me a black eye and a fat lip ( the boy was one of
my recent x's named cody) and now everytime I'm round blake and cody i get all shaky and scared and start to get protective of myself (link)
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Alright, I understand you are worried about which boy to go out with, but the first thing I want to say is that you need to stay away from the boy who hit you. It does not matter that you did not tell him you loved him - no boy has the right to lay any finger on your without your permission. Being with him has done you one favour - you know what it feels like to be scared and helpless. If either Nick, Blake, or any other guy make you feel that way again, you'll know it. Once you realize you are scared or intimidated, get out of that relationship. Immediately.
Now, onto Nick and Blake.
Look at what you said about Nick - you guys have been on again and off again too many times to count. No real relationship can be built if it's constantly ending and starting over; that's just drama and not really caring about another person.
Nick sounds like he isn't sure about his feelings for you, and that's okay. Nobody can always be positive how they feel. But if he wants to keep things secret, or dumps you as soon as you date him, then he's not treating you respectfully. I think you're probably better off moving on, and I would firmly but kindly let Nick know that.
Boys will only treat you like a yo-yo if you let them.
Now, onto Blake. He sounds like a friendly, genuine guy. If you like him, I say keep seeing him. If you aren't sure if you like him, or think about Nick more often than you think about Blake, it might be best to move on from him, too.
I'm not telling you this to make you end your dating life, but to make it better. You sound like a caring, confused person - and all people deserve to be with someone who makes them feel safe, confident, and cared about. In order to take care of yourself, you need to stay away from people who hit you. That will keep you safe physically. Your emotions are important, too, though, and when you get hit it can change how you feel about yourself.
I wouldn't feel too guilty about being mean - I think it's just because you are afraid. The way to handle this is to trust your instincts. If a boy treats you disrespectfully or threatens you, get out of that relationship. If a guy is nice and caring, and you still feel shaky and mean, then the best thing to do would be to explain WHY you feel that way.
It will be hard, but once Blake (or another guy) understands you better, he'll be more sensitive to your moods. Open communication is SO important in a relationship. You just have to be brave enough to stick up for yourself and your emotions.
And you know what? I really think you can do it.
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I am 13 and Bi should i tell my parents??? cause i don't want them to hate me so i need to know
(link)
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Coming out is rough no matter what age you are; if you are sure of your feelings, then I would plan out the best way to tell your parents.
Do you think they'll make you feel too uncomfortable to talk? If so, a letter can help you get your feelings across without worrying about crying or becoming too emotional.
The happiest, and hardest, day of my life was coming out to my mother. It made me feel free and very accepting of myself, though her reaction wasn't that great. We didn't speak without disolving into yelling for a few years - but now she loves my wife and treats us as any normal married couple.
Feel free to email me or get in touch again if you have any other questions - I'm happy to help you in any way I can. I know firsthand how it feels to worry about your parents, and I think you're a strong person to think about confronting them.
Your parents love you and want you to be happy - it's up to you to tell them what will make you happy.
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