I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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my parents have the creepy habit of rummaging through my personal items and have read my journal and stuffs like that.(fyi i have depression cut myself and have for 2 years plus burning and bruising)yathere looking for razor blade drugs other dAngerous items i could harm myself with or commit suicide.i respect theyvalue my safty but hate that nothing can ever be personal again.soo umm,any hiding spots that would work for me???:p (link)
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Here's the thing if you have nothing to hide in a journal or otherwise than having them look and leaving being satisfied should be fine. The thing is with your mental health issue (and that's what causes self-mutilation, burning etc.) people don't know how deep in trouble they are when they're in it. I can say the same for my bipolar.
Them doing this and potentially saving you a situation in a hospital or intervention is a good thing and because of the past you need to sacrifice a little privacy to maintain 100% physical and mental safety. They're nervous and scared for you. They want you well.
I think the compromise here is to tell your doctor about this and that you understand why there's not much privacy but for an adolescent there should be some shown your way and have him iron it out with your parents.
One concession you might want to make is with the doctor to see your journal (and don't rip anything out) each visit and see that there's nothing amiss with what you have written. A psychiatrist can't share it with anyone but if you've gone off the rails or something can use it to hospitalize. But you sound fine.
Another thing you can do is get a box with a key and put things important to you to be private in it and tell them why and what it contains and if they think something is really, really wrong you will give them the key to search. Talk to them and the doctor about privacy and write up a contract and sign it.
Let them look around for razors and whatever else the more they look and find NOTHING and know you aren't harming yourself in any fashion the more privacy you'll find yourself with.
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Since the begging me and my mother's relationship has been special. She is like my bestfriend, my other half. I love her so much. We sometimes argue, like most mother and daughters. Today was different, she called me a bitch. Twice. I was shocked, surprised, hurt. It has been replaying in my mind over and over. I never thought she would ever say that to me. The argument was bad, we were both yelling, but I never once called her a name. I am hurt and upset. I have not talked to her and I don't plan on it. I'm just hurt and it has affected me a lot. What do I do? I don't feel like talking to her. She said hurtful things. I just wanna leave the house and never return. (link)
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When people argue they will say ANYTHING in the heat of the moment from cursing at people or using vulgar terms or words. It really doesn't mean anything outside of the argument more often than not.
I highly doubt she thinks you are a bitch by any means but just lost it in that instance and to be honest and not mean here you probably really pushed her for it to be used. Doesn't make it right of her but you can be sure she doesn't view you as that.
Let's look at the facts you have such a tight relationship and until now this kind of thing hasn't happened nor do you see reason for it in the future or that she really thinks this of you. The opposite is true so it all points to mom being really pissed at that time and using the wrong word to make it hurt at the time.
What you need to do is TALK to her calmly, no yelling, none of that and explain "I know I really pissed you off but was shocked at what you called me and would like to know why and make sure you don't really feel this way about me." I'm sure she will make amends for it and remember not to use it again.
As far as leaving and not returning goes have you thought of where you would go or have plans? Of course you don't. You shouldn't leave as that would be stupid and believe me all of this really will and does blow over. You just need to talk and hug it out. That's all
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I have these little red bites on me and I have no idea where they came from. I looked up mosquitoes, spiders, and bed bugs, but I'm not sure if mine match since most of the pictures show them to be in clusters. I only have about five and they're all in different areas, except two that are on my ankle.
They're red and really itchy. The first one popped up when I was at the store with my friend after staying the night at his house, the others just slowly showed up each day since then.
Could they be bed bug bites? (I'm sure they're not fleas since our dogs don't have any). Or could it be something related to allergies? (link)
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It's possible that it's a rash or allergic reaction that occurs just in one area. You don't have to break out all over for such a reaction. Ask yourself if there's any fabric or something new in contact there that could cause that. If not show your parents and tell them it itches and or burns and see a doctor to determine.
If it's bed bugs or something like that maybe ditch the bedding for sure if not the mattress and thoroughly clean the room and steam clean the carpets.
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I'm 20/f. When I was 15, I started having sex with my boyfriend of that time. I only ever had sex with him, no one else. And I don't have a shy personality, but I'm very modest and conservative. Not in the goodie goodie way, I'm just self conscious. Anyway, I'm probably going to have sex with this other guy soon. He's already performed oral, but I'm nervous about sleeping with someone new and foreign (not in a racial sense). Its been so long, I haven't had vaginal sex in over a year and a half. How do I prepare myself? I know I sound ridiculous but sex is very important to me, its symbolic and I'm looking at this as if I'm losing my virginity again. (link)
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Why not tell this person the truth. If they really love you they will understand and make sure you feel 100% ready. Outline to him how important this is to you and that you only were with one person before and long ago and consider yourself a born-again virgin.
Point out the symbolism and meaning to you and I know he will appreciate this. I'm assuming your previous sexual encounter unfortunately was a negative one. Tell him your fears and being self-concious and work with him on that and gradually progress to where you fully trust eachother to proceed with it.
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i dont know what to do! im eleven and my mom wont let me dye my hair! its brown and i want an orangey red kind of color. thoughts? (link)
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Mom won't like me much but I side with you. Maybe she's all wound up over how others would react in her own inner-circle or has some weird hangup about it and how others would react ie at church or in public.
Fact of the matter is a lot of 11-year-olds and teens have weird color combinations to adult's tastes in their hair from orange, red, purple, green or blended like they were a slurpee from 7-11. It's all fun and games and it washes out. It's only hair and not permanent. This is one area where she should allow for creativity and experimentation.
You should tell her "I know you aren't fussy on my hair being that color but it does wash out and a lot of people my age and even younger or older have multiple colors in their hair. It won't change who I am it's just to be creative and try something different. Didn't you experiment with hairstyles and color when you were my age I bet grandma has a few pictures."
If you do it that way and talk about her childhood maybe she'll see that it's not that big a deal. Ask her why she's really against it, talk to your father too and do it in a mature manner and no whining or getting upset and let them make a final decision. If you outline all the reasons for doing it to them and show you understand consequences maybe you'll get your way and in my opinion should. Show them this site. Orange hair when you're raising a tween or teen should be the least of their worries about their kids.
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I'm a female/14.
There's a junior I have physics with,and my friend has a crush on him.I think he's cute,and she knows that,but I don't have a crush on him.I've noticed him looking at me some times,and when I notice it,he looks somewhere else.
I honestly don't know if that means he likes me,but if he does what should I do,since I don't think I like him like that? (link)
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It's okay if you aren't sure how to feel. If your gut is telling you that you're not sure about him it's best to back away from him until you do or point him in the direction of your best-friend.
If you know she really likes him and lets face it things would be volatile if you end up with him and she doesn't tip the guy off. Let him know that she likes him but is too embarrassed about it and that he should talk to her. Even if he's not in to her at least she will know and have resolution.
Usually when a guy or vice-versa girls with guys stare at someone and then look away but want to be caught it has to do with liking someone and a beginning sign of trying to get their attention but not committing to full-on flirting. It's a testing the waters kind of thing. They want the gaze to be returned. If you don't return it he'll inevitably focus on another person eventually.
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Im a 14 female
I go to a new school and I like a few boys but I dont know what I should do.. Should I talk to them? Wait since its only the second week of school? Wait for them to come to me? Have a friend do it? Haha Im used to them coming to me first but high school is different.. Any type of suggestions will be great(:
Also what would I talk about if things get awkward?? (link)
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It's not as different as you think. They will still approach you per usual and maybe more often. However, you don't have to sit and wait and I would advise you not to.
All you need to do here is treat talking to anyone new let alone someone you are interested in like talking to a parent, other adult, friend, whomever and just introduce yourself and start asking them questions. Mention you and your friends hang out at X and maybe you can join us etc. in conversation to gauge interest.
You have to remember guys are just as intimidated of you than you are of them but someone has to move. If things get awkward always resort to your bag of tricks (which are questions and things such as jokes they might find funny)and keep going back to interests, sports, stuff about parents, classes etc. Ask any conceivable question about themselves which will lead them to ask about you and get things on track.
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Okay, 13/f so this guy I used to like 12/m (Jake) we used to have a thing for each other. He likes me and I used to like him. So now, I'm over him and he moved away but he thinks that we're still a thing you know?! He's like flirting with me and it's all very flattering, but like I don't know. Like we chatted on Facebook today and like he keeps flirting with me. I don't think it's wrong..I just don't know how to let him down easy...I really like this guy Andrew 13/m and he's amazing, but I just don't feel the same way for Jake...I don't know how to let him down easy...can you please help? (link)
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There's no such thing as letting someone down easy I'm afraid. The truth especially when it comes to feelings of this nature always cuts the person deeper than we intended. You can't control the reaction or the after effect.
All you can do so it doesn't drag out is tell him "The attention is really flattering but I do not wish to lead you on or give you the idea that we're going to be anything more than friends. I like you in that way and hope you will see that there is an opportunity for you there but not boyfriend/girlfriend."
If he's smart he'll become your friend and see that you genuinely like him but that romantic spark just isn't there and can't exist between you. That's how to take the high road and do things with class in this kind of situation.
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I'm eighteen years old, and I'm basically a follower. If real life were a video game, I'd totally be a support character. I'm very good at being backup, being there for people and sacrificing my own wants or needs for theirs. I'm also very good at following orders and respecting seniority. I have been my entire life. I always think about other people first. I follow people the majority of the time. If my friends and I, say, go to the mall or something, I prefer following behind them. I don't know why, it's just how I am!
It's not to say I can't lead. I guess I'm sort of a lazy leader, in a way. If a situation arises where there are all followers amongst us, I'll take the lead if I have to. But if anyone else wants to lead I'll follow them.
A follower is always described negatively... Is it really all that bad to be a follower? I mean, without us, leaders would have no one to LEAD, right? Thanks for your time. :D (link)
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You're right the word follower generally invokes negative connotations. To me a follower is anyone who cannot think for themselves, voice opinion, lead or one who follows others in bullying people, ditching school, drugs, sex etc to be accepted as part of a clique.
To me that word doesn't apply to you. You like to hang back a bit and let others have their say and when the time is right lead. Nothing wrong with that but you MUST realize that these same people value your contributions and not be afraid to get in there and be as vocal as they are.
Contribute MORE than usual and see how that works. As long as you know how to let everyone have a say and express ideas there's nothing holding you back but an incorrect view held by you of your importance and where you fit. Fear is holding you back with these people from soaring and being you. Plain and simple. That's the issue.
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Alright so Im 13/f and everytime I use the usual pads my mom buys the 'always' ones, I get a rash that sprouts from like around my butt hole. It turns red, very itchy, and rises above the skin a bit. It hurts badly and is very irritating.
Things I will and will NOT do about this :
Will: tell my mom, use the cream I've always used for it.
Wont: go to a doctor, my mom is a nurse and should know what shes doing and Im NOT going to see a freakin doctor about this.
Advice? (link)
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It's good your mom is a nurse and knows what she is doing. However, other people who don't and need a doctor's assistance to figure out the rash should go see one no matter how embarrassing especially if it won't fade on its own. It's better to be embarrassed than suffer needlessly or have it get WAY worse over time.
When it comes to a doctor they know people are embarrassed especially teens about their body and those parts in particular. The thing is though you've got nothing from a rash in that region to how it looks down there that they haven't dealt with before. They'll be professional and have any exam over quickly. But yes, your mom should have an idea what to do but others not so lucky to have her help should see a doctor. I've seen TONS of questions on rashes here so felt I should say that.
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So I know this guy I used be good friends with. We met in last year of college. However my relation was with him was more academical. We used study together in library. During this period he started developing feelings towards me. I never saw him more than a friend. So one day he texted saying he loves me and wants to be more than friends and I told him I dont feel the same way. Scared about our friendship he made up a huge lie that he didnt text me, his phone got stolen and a person who stole the phone texted me. I clearly knew he was lying. I told him many times to tell the truth and assured it wont harm our friendship but he didnt and finally when I stopped receiving/replying his call /texts he confessed and begged to forgive him. I did forgive him but I cant forget what he did to me. I hate it when someone lie to me I hate it even more when they are worse at it like you're insulting me by thinking i'm dumb enough to believe you. This happened two yrs ago. After that we never saw or tried to contact each other but now few months ago he has found my twitter account.However he doesn't know I know abt this. He keeps stalking me there and everytime sees me talking to a guy get really jealous and start msging and calling that he wants to be my friend again. I get atleast 50 calls/msgs a day. He is so insecure and its really really annoying. He's forcing himself into my life. I dont want to go back to being friends again. I get repissed when I think about what he did to me. He's not ready to move on. I dont know how to handle this situation.:/ Help. (link)
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There's a few things going on here. The first is that he's socially inept and pushes too much with people. He genuinely likes you but has gone around it all wrong and pissed you off which is the total opposite of what he desired to do.
Like most people caught in a lie he created another one to try and protect his ass and keep you as a friend. He needs you more than you need him and likely hasn't got anyone else.
You need to tell him ONE last time in writing be it e-mail or Facebook that you don't like his lying and that it's obsessive to message people 50 times a day no matter the situation and that you don't want to be friends or anything else to him and to please cease and desist immediately or you will tell adults that will deal with harassment.
You can't stop him from logging on to Twitter but you can make it so that your tweets are private and open only to friends and followers. That effectively stops him from wanting to visit the URL. With Facebook just unfriend him and block him.
I really think you should tell your parents and teacher or guidance counselor that he's driving you nuts and want it stopped. Adults will know what to do and you're doing nothing wrong by telling someone that a fellow student is creeping you out and harassing you online and off with unwanted messages and phone calls. They'll scare him off for good.
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Alright so Im 13/f and I recently started playing and trying out the violin. Ive wanted to play it for quite some time now (since I was 6) and my mom took me into the music store a week ago and paid so that I could rent a violin for $20/month. She also bought me a book so I could learn by myself since I wouldnt be taking lessons unless I got started by myself.
I worked hard, practicing every day for over 5 hours and Ive become pretty good considering Ive only been doing it for about a week. My parents came home from their shopping trip in the U.S. yesterday (we live in Canada btw) and they surprised me with my veey own violin. It wasnt good enough to play just yet though...
We took it into the music store to be restrung and tuned and stuff. I got it back tonight about an hour ago and I was so excited just to get it out! I adjusted things and played a 2 octave g major scale but something was off and I sounded as if I'd JUST picked up the instrument! It sounded like a screeching cat! first off, it did not have tape so I could see where my fingers went like my rented one.. second, it sounds like its a semi tone off compared to my other one. third, the hair on the bow wont tighten very much... fourth, the strings are too close together and they dont stretch like they are supposed to over the bridge =( and last, its hard to hit an individual string because they are closer than my rented one. Ive been trying to figure it out ever since I got home and its not working! Ive been so frustrated to tears and I just had to put it away so I didnt end up throwing it across the room.
My parents paid alot of money for this violin (bought it off a guy that lives an hour from here) and it was my birthday present. Everything is wrong now and I dont know what to do =( Aswell, the strings arent as thick as the rented one's strings. I dont want to play it because it sounds horrible when I do =( What do I do? Ive been in tears everytime I think about how horrible it sounded.. Help? Please? (link)
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It looks like they purchased an instrument that had some problems they could see and others that they couldn't see. There seems to be something more that is "way off" with tone and it other that needing the new strings.
It was impossible for them to know not knowing what to get. They saw a violin, figured they could restring it so they got it. You need to tell your parents that there's no question you're grateful but something is way off with tone, strings, etc etc. that never was with the rental. They might think you don't KNOW this to be sure as you only have been at it a week.
Ask politely if you can re-visit the music store/rental place and have them look it over to tell you the problems with it. They'll be honest but expect them to try and sell something. Worst comes to worst you'll rent a violin. Obviously, they can see how much this means to you and the research put in. Just tell them the truth. It's all you have.
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Hi, I'm starting my first year of middle school ( which is 6th grade in my state)and I want my hair done for the first day of school. I don't want anything plan like straightening it or making it poofy. I hav naturally curly thick hair. Im goin to a salon to get my hair done. I hav medium hair. And Im not cutting my hair. (I'm not racist but I am black so my hair isn't silky). Please help me becuz school starts next month
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The best thing to do is tell your therapist that straightening your hair doesn't work for you and you don't want it looking puffed up now or later. Explain you have naturally curly hair and what you describe as medium (not sure I understand what that is) hair.
Once you do that ask her what girls your age usually ask her to do to to their hair and what she thinks works best for back to school. They must be doing tons of styles and right on top of it and can do a bang up job.
It's hard for us to suggest something as we don't have the benefit of their expertise or seeing an actual photo of you to go with. But, if you head to the stylist with a checklist of what you want and don't I'm sure they'll be able to run with it.
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hi. im 13 and i live in los angeles. im good at acting and not bad at singing. i think i have a shot in making it big. but i just dont know where to go for the agents to notice me or bussiness.If you know how, please tell me, thank you ! (link)
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Don't sign with anyone who isn't go SAG (Screen Actors Guild) list of reputable agents in America or ACTRA for the Canadians among us who may read this when archived. They are the unions who protect the better interests and safety of actors and other people involved in creation of film and TV.
Secondly under NO CIRCUMSTANCE WHATEVER pay an agent to get you work or believe someone who says they 100% can. Run from them or anyone demanding money upfront or asking you to give them money to have a portfolio of pictures done.
It's a SCAM big time. All you nee to get started are snapshots or at the most 8 * 10 taken at a Wal-Mart studio. The only time you ever pay an agent is when they get you work and it's a 10% commission.
The only exception to that rule is that the unions allow background talent agencies (extras) to charge no more than $100 or Kids Only agents to charge $100 per year for retainer as parents and kids bail as do extras left and right when they discover how much a commitment this is.
You live in L.A. where there is cutthroat competition especially in your age group. You have to get in to acting because you LOVE it and NOT to become famous. Fame should be a byproduct of talent, hard work.
For you doing community theater, youth theater, classes and trying to audition is what to focus on and not becoming big. That happens if it happens. It's about having fun and enjoying what you're doing.
It would be in your best interest to get a background talent agent first. This person will put you in crowd scenes in major movies and TV shows. You'll get to see well-known people and learn that shoots can often run 18 hours straight.
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Ok im a girl and me and my boyfriend are very sexually active we do sexual activies very often theres times where it gets soo good that i get this feelin like if i was going too pee but then it goes away i was wondering if thats how it feeels when your going to cum? i have no idea what that feeling feels like (link)
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If it feels like you are going to urinate or there is a lot of pressure and urge to push down it's a good sign of a really intense one building up. It may result in a lot of bodily fluid (G-Spot) as this is usually signs of it.
A lot of people stop but if you ride it out it's definitely not going to be a situation of you urinating. If you go with it and push down it's fine and what naturally happens.
In a regular situation all orgasm is is your pubic muscles and body tensing up and then releasing gradually. If you are feeling that kind of sensation at various levels of intensity than you are experiencing one.
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My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a long time without protection because we always trusted each other,and we swore not to ever cheat on each other.The thing is that lately, things are no longer the same and I'm afraid that he might be cheating on me,and that I might be making a mistake.It's no longer a loyalty matter right now,but a healthy matter actually.I don't know what to do cause if I ask him to wear a condom,I know that he'll feel frustated and he won't trust me either at the same time.Is it wrong what I am thinking?I need some advice,thanks! (link)
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If he doesn't like it tough. If you don't want pregnancy, have health concerns, or suspect cheating than wearing condoms is key. If he loves you he would be fine with it. If it's an issue with him it shows he's selfish and doesn't think of you. Don't compromise your health or on this.
It's condom or nothing and you have every right to insist that of anyone no matter what you did in the past. If he objects tell him what you told us as the reason.
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How should I start off a paragraph about me?
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What are you writing exactly? Are you writing an essay for class about yourself or a paragraph that's a short biographical sketch? That's what I wish you elaborated on.
A biographical sketch is always in third person. For example "Ashley Williams is a 3-time cheer-leading champion, captain of the dance squad and an actor in her spare time. Ms. Williams aims to become a director. Her talents also include: Archery,singing, writing.
An essay about you, your accomplishments and goals for a school assignment is a bit different. Each paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces what you are going to be talking about but must match up to the original idea introduced.
You could introduce yourself "My name is and my interests are... (and list them) and mention you achieved whatever and have goals of becoming and that will give you a paragraph you can expand on taking your interests etc. and telling the reader more and then connect it back to who you are.
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I always feel unwell because my parents barely feed me
im shaki g rightnow so its hard to type on this scresn
they havent seemed to care forb3 years and im salways in pain because of it, dizzy, sick, faint (link)
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Here's what you MUST do when you go to school tomorrow. Find a teacher you trust or a guidance counselor and tell them there's not enough food at home, you're going hungry and constantly feel sick or dizzy or in pain.
They will make sure you get fed and intervene on your behalf to make sure of it. If your parents are neglecting you and even if they aren't it MUST come out. You cannot keep this to yourself because it's your health, safety and more important life on the line. You have to sing like a canary. There's some secrets you can never keep and this is one of them. It has to come out.
If parents are doing this purposely than they need help too and other adults will make sure they and your family get it. If they can't afford to feed a family than there's ways they can be helped. At either rate nothing changes unless you divulge the truth to another adult.
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I have a friend that I like alit He told me that he likes me also but now after a convo that we had he now tells me that we should be friends nothing more. But its not as easy as he thinks it could be , we have been sexually active with each other . He its the first person I did alot of sexual things with ! I don't want too be only his friend I want too be more but now he questions if we can move forward because of what I said ! What should I do? (link)
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You know this guy better than I do. However, this does set off a red flag. Is there any chance he was using you for sexual favors and gave you the friends line trying to distance himself or make you go away? I'm putting it out there. If it's not like that than that's great.
You can't force him to more than friends if he doesn't want that. However, you really should talk to him about how you feel and where he stands with you. Let him know it's hard to have intimate contact with someone now to be rejected and deemed only a friend.
Try to find out why and go from there. If he's worth having as a friend keep him but be prepared to move on if not. As hard as it is everything is up to how he feels and whether you can live with that.
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14/f
ok i used to cut and asked yall for help and yall suggested the rubberband but today i remembered something and i snaped the rubberband on my wrist and its not workin i want to cut more even. please give me something else that will work. please! (link)
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You need a psychiatrist to determine what causes you to self-mutilate and to provide treatment and medication to curb those thoughts and desire. An elastic band or other technique won't work long-term if at all.
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