A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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What can I do?! We have been together for 6 years now, and I still have a really hard time understanding his sexual behavior. First of all, we are in our early 20s, and we usually end up having sex about twice a month. We are in our peak years, and we have sex twice a month! That wouldn't be so weird to me, if I didn't know he had such a huge sexual appetite. By that, I mean, he watches porn ALL THE TIME. He "sneaks" it, but I know he does it (which is no big deal). He has CDs and CDs full of it. Another thing, he is addicted to women, I guess. Strippers - he's ALWAYS going to the strip club. When we're hanging out with our friends, he sometimes sounds like a dirty sex pig with some of his little remarks and comments. This is what's driving me crazy - Why isn't he like that with the one girl he SHOULD be like that with? I am a girl that takes care of her body and I try REALLY hard to stay fit and eat right. I try to look like the women he's told me he found attractive and still be my own woman. I want him to be satisfied with me, of course. Sometimes I feel like his friends are more interested in me than my own man, and honestly, that feels really crappy.
The other night, we were laying in bed, and he thought I was sleeping, because he kept changing the channel to this softcore porn (well, it's the best he could get on the TV!) and trying to be all sneaky about it. I really don't care if he watches porn (and I've made this clear to him before), so I don't know why he felt he had to sneak, but anyway, he kept checking back to that channel. I rolled over and he quickly turned it back. This made me really upset. He has a girl right beside him wearing practically nothing, that would put out in a second (it's true!) and he'd rather sneak watching porn? Softcore to boot?!?! It starts making me feel like there is something wrong with me, and makes me feel like I'm unattractive. I almost feel like I need to go out to the bar just to get reassurance that I'm desirable (no, I know that isn't the right thing to do, and I'm not doing that). I can't figure it out. I haven't put on any weight, I've kept tone and fit, I have nice womanly curve (decent sized boobs, nice hips and butt, slim waist), I style my hair the way he likes, sometimes walk around in barely nothing, and I'm still unappealing?
I am an open-minded girl that loves sex, and my fiancé acts like sex with me is so unimportant. It doesn't feel very good. He knows I'm open to weird kinky things too so it can't be that I refuse "good" sex. I don't know how to go about fixing this. When I've spoken to him about it, he says that I'm just complaining, or "We don't HAVE to have sex all the time!" Well, trust me, we are FAR from all the time. I asked him if there was something I wasn't doing or some way to improve my looks/attractiveness but he says everything is fine between us and I'm just being a cunt at this point. I don't know what his issue is, but it's frustrating the hell out of me. I think he'd rather just jerk off to some crappy porno than have crazy, kinky sex with the love of his life. If that's what he wants then I NEED to KNOW so I can figure some way to cope with this. Does that make ANY sense?
How do I bring this issue up with him without starting a fight? Like I said, it's completely fine if he wants to watch porn or go to a strip club every once in awhile but I feel so unwanted at this point. He knows I'm always horny and ready to go at it but he'd rather not have sex with me. I'm confused and unhappy. I just want things to be normal. What do I do? What am I doing wrong? Please, please help me. (link)
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Every time I finished a paragraph, the voice in the back of my head asking "Why are you engaged to this guy?" got louder, and louder, and louder, and now I have a headache from reading your question. I hate screaming.
Its not about you, its about him. He's got an issue he needs to address, and you have no business calling yourself his fiance.
By that, I mean you'd be absolutely stupid to marry him.
It sounds like theres not really a relationship here, it sounds like you've been dating each other for so long you got engaged because thats what you're supposed to do, and you never bothered establishing a mutual relationship.
It doesn't sound like this guy is capable of that. Newsflash. You aren't the love of his life. And he isn't the love of yours. You're just clinging to him because you have a high school level attraction to him and you've stuck it out way too long.
You can't cope with this. This isn't "he has a lower sex drive than I do" this is "my fiance ignores my desires and emotional and sexual fulfillment because he's a selfish bastard who's happy to have a hot chick to show off to his friends"
He isn't invested in you. Take however much you personally think he cares about you, and divide it by ten. Thats how much he cares. Thats probably about how much he's actually capable of caring.
Now, sometimes a guy will fake it, but it sounds like he isn't even bothering to do that. You don't talk about it, you're just supposed to accept it or keep trying to figure out why you can't get him to respond how you want.
He's not responding because he doesn't give nearly as much of a shit about you as you think he does, and even less when compared to how invested you apparently are in him.
And what is this? This is normal. Reread that a few times if you must, but for your relationship _this_is_normal_. Theres probably no way to bring it up without starting a fight, but at this point why are you worrying about that?
Why are you so willing to sacrifice all of your needs, your self esteem, your sex life, for this guy who's such a fucking loser that he's visiting strip clubs.
A hypothesis. It sounds like your guy views women as objects and nothing more. Why do I think this?
- He hides porn even when its OK. Why? Because he feels uncomfortable. He knows you don't think of yourself as a sex object, but thats all he seems to think of you as. So, he doesn't want to expose his thoughts to you or give you a chance to get a good read on him.
- He picks porn and strippers over you. You are a woman with needs he is supposed to take care of. They are brainless sluts he can enjoy without guilt or effort on his part.
- He makes comments that make him "sound like a dirty sex pig" around friends. This isn't "oh he's just being witty". You're seeing the side of him thats more real than the side you like.
Bottom lining this for you, you are dating a bad boy who never grew up. He's an immature brat of a man-child with no desire or conception of women as an equal relationship partner. He's banking on the six years thing to keep you there so that he doesn't have to be "a loser without a girlfriend" but in truth he is about as invested in you as he is in any piece of furniture he owns.
Thats what you are. A piece of furniture to pretty up the house, something to impress his friends. Thats why you're a "cunt" for bringing it up. Anything about you that requires effort and attention on your part isn't welcome, and he's lucky enough to have found a girl with low enough self esteem that she feels like its her fault when he's a jackass. Its win win for him.
You are being exploited. Break the cycle, if you marry this guy you will be miserable until you eventually go crazy, or end up in divorce court.
Its time to walk. I hope you're strong enough to make that choice, you sound like a girl who deserves more than a stupid frat-boy-esque asshole who uses your insecurities to keep you from realizing what a douchebag he is.
::Edit::
By the way, I'm a guy. I'm telling you this because I know how we work. Your fiance is indulging himself in the worst impulses of our sex. Its who he is and who he LIKES to be. Changing him isn't possible, and if you dedicate yourself to saving him, you WILL ruin your life.
I've already got a friend who's "In love" with a worthless boyfriend. He offers her nothing, but she still "Loves him SO MUCH!" and is incapable of walking away.
Her life is slowly slipping down the shitter because of it, she's losing friendships and is miserable.
Yet, she somehow manages to convince herself that its all her fault. She's taking part in her own self destruction because she isn't strong enough to walk away from a bad situation.
You're 6 years in. Its going to be hard. If you don't do it, bad things will result.
Good luck.
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This might be long, sorry.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He's really a great guy, comes from a wonderful family, works really hard in college, etc. He's probably the best guy out there. He's really perfect. I don't have anything bad at all to say about him.
Well, I've been cheating on my boyfriend for about a year or year and a half now. All the cheating has been with the same guy so I'm not like a whore or something. My boyfriend has NO idea that I've been seeing this other guy on the side.
Anyway, the problem is that I'm pregnant. I don't want to lose my boyfriend though!
Now, maybe you are asking, "Well, how do you KNOW it isn't your boyfriend's baby? Why not wait until you give birth and then have the baby paternity tested?" Well, because my boyfriend and I had decided to stay virgins until our wedding night. Yeah, in three years we haven't had any sort of sexual relationship. Yes, he thinks I'm a virgin just like him.
I REALLY love my boyfriend though! I want to marry him! I mean, I just feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not. If I tell him about cheating on him and stuff he's going to think I'm a whore. How can I like feel better about this? (link)
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It won't happen.
In three or four months, when he's figured it out, he will dump you. With good reason.
There is absolutely no hope of saving this or marrying him. Obviously, his principles are important to him, and obviously they are not important to you.
How can you feel better about this? You can't. What you did is a terrible betrayal of trust. A year or a year and a half? Seriously?
As soon as he finds out, he will dump you.
Here is a life lesson. You are a selfish asshole. Completely utterly selfish. The last question was "how can I feel better about this?"
Really? You want to know how to feel better about this? Here's how. You break up with him. You decide to abort the kid or give the kid up for adoption (because you are not fit to be a mother in any way, shape, or form) and you learn the lesson that what you did is inexcusable.
And you need to learn it fast. "I feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not"
Yes you are! There is no more "in the wrong" than you are. You are 100% at fault, everything thats happening now is your sole responsibility, because of your choices and your choices alone. Its not humanly possible to be more wrong than you are right now without having a psychopathic personality.
As it is, you're showing sociopathic traits. You probably need to see a psychiatrist when all of this is said and done.
From here, you resolve yourself to never let yourself be that shitty of a person to anyone again. You recognize your ability to be completely self centered and how badly you can fuck up your life because of it, and you make positive changes so that you never do what you just did to anyone, ever again.
Anything less will make you a truly horrible person, and will make you continue to be a truly horrible person who ruins her own and others lives.
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People have been telling me about that Second Life Game, so I decided to make an account. The first time, it asked for mobile to send text for code to autherize, so five hours later, I still got nothing, yahooed if anyone else had that issue and someone said my phone service might not recieve the text.
So I tried PayPal, that didn't work out either.
I tried a couple times again just to make sure, and then I just decided I'm going to ask my friend for their phone number and do it that way. But now Second Life says that I've made too many accounts and now I can't make anymore.
So what am I supposed to do now?!
I can never try to make an account at Second Life ever again?! (link)
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Do NOT play second life.
Its not what you think. Its a fucked up haven for some of the most messed up people online. Probably more than half of what goes on there involves screwed up sex roleplay.
Here is a direct quote from an article about it.
DAVID D. EWALT — Here's the ultimate problem with Second Life: unless you're some kind of sexual deviant who gets off by pretending to be a diaper-wearing man-fox, it's boring as hell. If I want to chat with people, I can do it in IM without having to deal with lag, annoying ambient music, and all manner of freaks of nature. If I want to see cool imaginary worlds, I'll watch a movie. And if I want to really nerd out and pretend I'm some sort of fantastic creature, I'll stick with my Night Elf rogue, thank you. David Ewalt, in Forbes.com, after Sears unveiled the department store's showroom in the Linden Lab's over-hyped virtual world.
Second life is made up of the following kinds of people
- People who try to exploit second life to make money, you can buy and sell virtual property and such. How do they exploit it? Well you can create almost anything you want, so for instance people will buy property around the area they want to buy, and erect houses which are covered in hardcore porn. People who own the property will see this hardcore porn when they log on and obviously get pissed that their property is now surrounded by smut.
- People who exploit second life to make lives miserable for others. An example, someone programmed a weapon that allowed you to instantly boot others from the server by crashing their program. Or, people create an item that duplicates itself infinitely, which crashes the entire server due to overloading it.
Imagine losing a few hours of playtime because someone decided to knock the server offline.
- People who enjoy sexual deviance of some very strange and disturbing varieties. This is the largest segment of the population. Naked avatars having sex with virtual horses is but one example of the varied and screwed up world of second life.
Bottom line, don't go anywhere near it, unless as stated you like pretending you're a fox who wears diapers and has sex with other foxes who also wear diapers.
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I know that DangerNerd said the server for Advicenators was moving or moved or something and I was just curious about it...what is a server in relation to a website (or this specific website)? Just curious, no real reason! haha (link)
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Basically, the server is the computer that all the data for advicenators is stored on. When you log onto this site, the server sends all the data for the web page to your computer. Its basically a ridiculously large amount of memory attached to a powerful processor that lets it be accessed by a large number of people at once.
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I know that Sarah Palin announced that she was no longer going to be governor of Alaska and wouldn't even be finishing her term! It probably shocked everyone, I'm sure, but I never caught her reasoning to stepping down. Does anybody know why Sarah Palin is resigning as governor of Alaska? (link)
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Because she's a national laughingstock, and her stupidity has had a few years worth of showcasing.
As said below, hopefully she's gone for good.
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my boyfriend of 6 1/2 months broke it off today. i guess we're both the problem in the relationship somewhat, we've broken up a few times in the past. one thing wrong with me is im a very moody person. one day ill be totally fine. and then ill get depressed after awhile,..and then my boyfriend will annoy me and ill get really bitchy. he told me today he was sick of all my bullshit, and i knew he was referring to my on and off moodiness. i got pissed at him and the argument got way heated. we were screaming at eachother and i even kind of jumped on him? like i guess i was trying to hurt him or something, i dont really know what i was doing. and i made the mistake of doing that in front of his mom -.-'' so obviously, im the main point of this while breakup. i dont really know how things are going to work out for us, and if they do eventually pass and we become friends in the long run, ill be way lucky.
i just want to know how to not fuck up another relationship. im 16 and ive had 11 failed relationships. i hate dating around, and want to find one guy to spend my life with, and obviously thats not working out. how do i hide my emotions? how do i control my anger? how can i stay cool even when im a total emotional wreck on the inside?
can someone help me? (link)
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Ok.
First off, you won't find someone to spend your life with at 16.
Think back to 12. What were you like then? How did you see the world? How stupid do some of the things you thought then seem now to you at 16?
Now think about 20. Think about what you'll be like then, how stupid some of the things you think now will seem with another 4 years.
Bottom line there, you will not be the same person in 4 years. You won't be the same person 4 years after that. Change accelerates around 12-13 and slows down again in your early to mid 20s.
Similarly, any guy you date now won't be the same person in 4 years, in 8 years.
Not exactly a recipe for longevity.
The good news is, you're on the right track. Relationships haven't been working, you want to fix that.
You have an anger management problem. You should seriously consider looking into an anger management therapy group or counselor.
As to the emotional wreck part, you probably need to be single for a while.
Consider seeing a therapist, they are the best next step in figuring everything out. Anger problems are hard to deal with, but what it comes down to is will. The recognition of how bad you can be and the refusal to indulge that side of yourself.
A random trick. When I'm pissed off I try to find a way to break the thought process. Often times we cycle ourselves, you think about things that piss you off, which makes you more pissed off, which makes you think of more things that piss you off. Building towards an inevitable explosion.
If you head yourself off at the pass, you can break that cycle and regain control. It takes practice and effort and attention.
Walking out of the room can be effective. The caveat, is if you walk out of the room you need to be able to communicate what you're doing and that you are coming back. If you just walk, it can make things worse. If you can grit your teeth and say "I need to collect myself, I will be back in a minute" and then walk, you can give both of you some breathing room and return rationally.
Mental exercises are also effective. Ever heard of meditation?
Find a quiet spot where you won't be disturbed. You're going for absolute silence, if you can't get that you need a background noise that will drown everything else out (like a floor fan or something).
Sit somewhere, I prefer the floor, in the middle of your bed would work equally well.
Now, the goal here is mental relaxation. I said sit on the floor or in the middle of your bed because you want to force your mind to be what is relaxed, if you have a relaxing physical sensation to focus on (like your back resting against the couch or headboard) it can distract you from what you're doing.
Once you're situated, start with breathing exercises. Focus on slowing your breathing and deepening your breaths. You want to be breathing at the same, steady, relaxed rate. You might find that you can feel your heart beating more slowly if you concentrate, you can actually consciously lower your heart rate through exercises like this.
When you are breathing steady and physically relaxed, focus on nothing.
Confusing concept, right? You want to clear your mind of all thought, all emotion. Your goal is utter calm uninterrupted by outside thoughts. This is where the background noise can come in handy, a steady unchanging sound can help you keep a focus that you can translate to a steady, unchanging mind. Closing your eyes can definitely help, the fewer senses you're using the better.
Whats the point of all this?
You might have heard the term "go to your happy place" before. What that term comes from is a mental exercise that involves creating a mental picture of somewhere you feel at peace, and then falling back into that picture when your emotions run high. Instead of focusing on anger and what makes you angry, you focus on positive feelings by focusing on something completely unrelated to whats going on.
I find the "happy place" method less effective, because it doesn't get rid of emotion, it just redirects it. When I'm angry, I try to take a second and go back to that meditative place, after doing it for a while you can almost feel that place in the back of your head, waiting for you. You can sink into it for a few seconds to clear your mind and calm yourself.
Give it a try, see what you come up with.
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so heres my problem i have a lot of friends who are drug addicts from pill heads to pin cushions (heroine addicts. My brother is friends with some of my friends and he's always like you shouldnt hang out with them or your going to end up like them, but its like most of these people ive been friends with for years and the only thing ive done is pot, witch everyone on the planet has at least tried once. He doesn't think i have the will power to say no for some reason.. witch i really do im never going to do anything other then pot because i see how it effects my friends and i admit that there dumb for doing it but hey its there life you have to let people make there own mistakes. Well mt brother went and told my mom that he thinks im going to end up like my friends witch isn't true and he started saying how there all ***holes witch and its like some of the nicest people i have met are drug addicts.. how can i convince my brother to lay off, i mean maybe to other people this looks bad but really.. it's not my friends would never pressure me to doing anything i didn't want to do most of my friends say that if i ever tried anything there doing they'd kill me, so it's not like there going to force me i tried explaining this to my brother but hes so oponinated, how do i let him no he's being over protective and needs to lay off, just telling him isn't working.. (link)
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Get in his face a bit and raise your voice. Detail out for him exactly what you see this doing to your friends and how you would never, ever do that to yourself.
Every time it comes up, assert yourself and bare your teeth.
A few of my closest friends got involved with Heroin. The one warning I will give you, is that dependent addicts put the drug first. You don't have to poke yourself to get sucked into drama and get your life fucked up. Be careful and be smart, at some point if they continue you will face a choice. You'll have to try to save them or you'll have to walk away.
Keep that in mind, be prepared for it. No one can watch another person destroy themselves forever.
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i'm selling a few items on Craigslist, the problem is, how exactly do you receive the money? Do you give your address, and they send a check in the mail? I was thinking to do it that way, but I'm not sure if thats what even what you're supposed to do . . (link)
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Usually you meet up and exchange items for cash.
I've got a mattress, a TV, a chair, used to have some video games and a futon, etc. All gotten off craigslist, I either went and got them or paid them to bring them to me.
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okay so my boyfriend broke up with me the end of april and i believe i do still have feelings for him. (we're both virgins and never had sex together, we dated for close to a year and i was actually thinking about having sex with him like right before we broke up..btw i didn't see the breakup coming) i had this dream that we had sex the night he broke up with me. after we broke up we waited awhile to hang out...now its july and we've hung out a few times and i had the same exact dream the night he broke up with me...does anyone know what or if this means anything?
17f & 17m if that helps (link)
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Contrary to the poster below, its been proven that dreams have little meaning.
If you dream of something, its on your mind consciously or unconsciously. Most dreams are formed out of references in your mind. Its kind of like word association, one word makes you think of five others which make you think of five others.
Only with dreams, it can be people, places, events, almost anything. The most interesting thing about dreams to note is their progression, you can make some funny observations if you remember your dream, because often times one thing will make you think of some pretty random others while unconscious, which is why dreams can be so random. When unconscious, you're not analyzing your thoughts and prioritizing them, so associations you might not immediately make when awake are easier when asleep.
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Is there a program that you can download that can manage your games and keep them up to date.Preferably i would like one that isnt running in the background only when your using it.Thanks (link)
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If you're asking about computer games in general, no, there is not.
Games have different engines, different programming, different development teams, etc. No one is going to bother to create a program to update a large number of different games by different makers. The only reason is personal convenience, and the fact that you'd need to constantly update your updating program as games are released means that its more trouble than the convenience is worth.
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My boyfriend (24m) is having some problems with depression. He's on medication for it, but medication alone isn't a solution. I urged him to seek out counseling, and he actually listened to me.
He had one session and told me that he was incredibly frustrated and angry and didn't want to do it anymore. I convinced him to try again.
I've tried to explain to him that counseling helps because it allows the individual (or couple, or family) to speak with an outside, objective person, someone who isn't involved in the situation. The objectivity helps because the therapist's opinions and suggestions are unbiased and (usually) knowledgeable, and focus on finding the best solution to help the individual with the problem at hand. The purpose of talking is to address the turmoil going on so that the individual can understand it, and then move on from it, instead of suppressing it and allowing it to fester and cause further psychological distress and/or physical problems.
I have to point out that I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not even a psychology major (I'm doing a post-bacc degree), but I have a solid understanding of the concept, and he knows this. He's very resistant, and I feel like everything I say makes it worse, and makes him want to go even less.
I know I can't control him, nor do I want to, but I really really want him to go at least a couple of times.
What can I say to help persuade him to open up to his psychologist and give talk therapy a real shot? (link)
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He needs to try other people. You have to be comfy with a counselor before you can open up, and you have to open up before they can do any good.
As a 24 year old guy who honestly needs counseling, and who has talked to a few before, I can attest to this. The first woman I talked to came across as a frigid bitch, and I simply cannot talk to guys about emotional shit, I have yet to find a woman that I connect to well enough to develop any trust and actually tell her whats going on with me.
He needs to keep trying though. Problems not addressed grow worse, not better. I'm dealing with my stuff decently well on my own, I'd do better if I had the time, energy, or money for a therapist right now.
But I know from experience how hard this shit is to confront. Keep encouraging him, and try not to turn this into anger or resentment on your part. He needs love and support, and gentle coaching when he refuses to do what he needs to. Don't back down, but don't bring it up every day either.
Also, try to talk to him yourself. Tell him you want to understand what he's going through. Don't be surprised if he can't open up, but let him know that any time day or night he wants to tell you something, that you're open and ready to help him.
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For people who are marrieed/engaged...
Did you know right away that the one you were going to marry was THE ONE or did it take time? I am 20 years old and have been dating a guy for about a year and a half and originally felt like he was the one, but now i question it. He does everything for me and cares so deeply for me and is hardpressed on marrying me. I used to feel this way too but now it seems those feelings have sizzled off a little bit. It would kill me to end it with him because I still feel strongly for him, but i find myself getting irritated with him so easily lately and im not sure if its just because im stressed with work and school or if im just bored with him. So did you know that your husband/wife/fiancee was the one right away or did it come with time? How did you know this?? Also, how do you bring that spark back when the feelings start to fade?
I cant see myself with anybody else but him, but I feel like I should have more of a desire to want to be with him than I do at this point in time... Any advice at all would be helpful.
Thank you (link)
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I never realized anything.
Pure choice. Theres no such thing as "the one" theres just a person that you choose to be with every day.
Four and a half years into the relationship, I can tell you point blank you won't love them every day. Case in point, I really have the urge to yell at my girlfriend at the moment, we're in the middle of an argument and she's more stubborn than I am.
Relationships, especially marriages, are constant unceasing, unending work. There is no magic person you will always be alright with, problems in a relationship are a result of the fact that no two people are clones of each other and differences must be overcome and adjusted to.
There will be good days and bad days. The good days are forged out of desire and will. You don't magically love someone forever, the two of you have to commit on a deeper level than love before you're willing to tie the knot.
I like the term partners, because thats exactly what it is. The person you choose to spend your life with is your ally against the world. The person who will be on your side if and when no one else is. The person you trust that far and the person who trusts you the same.
Love is not how you hold onto a person, love is how you enjoy them.
If you feel disconnected, connect. Make it a point to not let yourself get pissed off by small things for a few days and spend some time with him talking, having fun, etc. Go out on an official "date" every once in a while even now that you're together.
Which is, again, work. You have to put yourselves in situations that you can remember the passion. Don't be surprised if some of the feelings fade sometimes. Life stress can definitely get in the way, my girlfriend and I are both struggling through school and being poor as shit and worrying about school, rent, etc all at once can put a damper on us and our interactions. Its work to not be at each others throats.
But when we can spend a quiet night together recuperating from the rest of the world, its worth it.
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Kay, so my boyfriend openly talks about girls he thinks are hot, and it sort of makes me feel awkward.
I wouldn't mind if he put it another way (e.g. 'I think *this girl* is pretty' or 'I think this girl is attractive) but he says it along the lines of "*THIS GIRL* IS SO GOD DAMN HOT" and it makes me feel awkward. He'll just bring it up too when it had nothing to do with the conversation...
e.g. I mentioned to him how I was always scared to bring home boyfriends because of my sister's good looks. He then said something along the lines of 'Oh she sounds hot' when he asked for a description of her. He also randomly went on about how "god damn hot" his friend's sister is... and just before I mentioned I lost my keys and he went on about how Alicia Keys is 'hot'...
Am I being out of line? I don't mind if he thinks other girls are attractive, just because he's with me doesn't mean feelings for others change. But I think he could either just discuss it with friends, or word it better when discussing it with me.
I'm sort of sensitive to this stuff, because my ex boyfriend did this, but ten times worse (he would constantly bring how much he wanted sex with other girls and that sort of stuff into it as well) so I feel as if I may be scarred from that experience, but it's taught me to deal with this stuff early on. (link)
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Your boyfriend is an immature child.
An adult would not tolerate his inability or unwillingness to control himself. Its not "a cool part of his personality that he just can't help but it doesn't matter because its charming" or whatever justifications have let you not walk this long.
Why are you tolerating this?
Am I completely out of touch, do kids think that its normal for a guy to talk to a girl he is dating about how hot everyone but she is? Is this widespread or something?
Tell the guy that you don't date children, and his constant outbursts are childlike. Follow through, and don't date guys that act this way.
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Completely random, I know.
I was curious about what the definition of "Hustling" is. I read the definition from many dictionary websites, and I got different definitions.
Like, one said it's a way of getting money; whereas another one said it's an illegal way of getting money.
Is hustling legal or illegal? Or can it be either? Explain.
I am not talking about the hustling dance. I am talking about the other kind of hustling.
Thanks. =]
(link)
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Hustle, scam, con. They're all pretty much the same thing.
Hustling someone is tricking them for your own gain, taking advantage of them in some way. It can be as simple as lying about being crappy at poker so that you can clean out everyone at a table when they drop their guard, or as illegal as sending e-mails asking for financial information which you then use to commit identity theft.
Hustling usually refers to the trick itself. The e-mail that makes you think your bank needs your personal information is a hustle. A used car salesman talking you into buying an old sports car as opposed to a 3 year old honda that costs the same, when the sports car is a piece of crap that needs work and the Honda isn't, is a hustle.
You might well have shown up to buy a car, you might not have spent more than a penny than you planned to, but you walk out with a shittier vehicle than you might otherwise have because you were convinced by a charismatic salesman that the sports car was just _meant_ for you.
Thats a hustle. You think you did just fine for yourself, the salesman is laughing about how he finally unloaded that piece of shit no one would touch on someone when they could have actually sold a decent car for the money they got.
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19/m.
I have been with my current girlfriend for over a year and four months already. We have been in a long distance relationship for the past few months since I had gone away to college and she just recently moved up with me so living with one another so close to each other seems like a shock as of a now but that will go away promptly. My fear however, is that considering I am only her second boyfriend (the times between her past relationship and my current one were insignificant, and she went out with her past bf for well over 3 years) is that she seems to yearn to live a single lifestyle and I really don't want her to want that. She is constantly asking me if she thinks she is pretty, only because she wants other guys to notice her. Not to mention I get jealous easily and she (claims) she's joking around about getting other guy's numbers but I feel that she wants to flirt around and live the single lifestyle she's never had. Earlier today she asked me if it would be ok if she went out with her girlfriends to get other guys numbers just to flirt around and I told her that she has to choose between doing those things and staying with me, and that she can't have both because that is not only an extremely selfish thing of her to want, but does not take into any consideration how I would feel in that matter. I consider myself the perfect boyfriend type, but I am scared that now that we are living together, things will not work out, no matter how hard I try to make her want to stay with me.
What should I do in this situation? Any words of advice would be much appreciated. (link)
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I agree with the below.
You want a serious relationship, she does not.
Break up with her calmly. Tell her you want different things, and that you think she'd be better off flirting around with her girlfriends, but thats just not who you are or what you want right now.
Hell, if you want, tell her that when she's ready to expend all her flirting energy on one person, she can give you a call.
Though, a fair warning. "Perfect boyfriend type" tells me more that you're probably a doormat and that you don't enter into relationships as an equal.
You can't be her servant and her boyfriend. Be assertive, you know whats right for you, now stand up behind it and walk away. If she chases after you, maybe you can help her grow up a few years in the space of a week.
But probably not, so I'd seek greener pastures.
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My boyfriend and I are both 17. I lost my virginity to him not too long ago and we've been having sex for about 3 months. We have sex A LOT. With protection of course! Well I think it's a lot but we both have really high sex drives. I enjoy all of it and never feel pressured into doing it. This past week we've had sex 9 times in 7 days. That's about average. The first time I slept over at his house we had sex once at 3am, again at 7am and again at 9. We went on vacation together recently and made it our mission to have sex all over the rental house. We did it 6 times within 3 and a half days. We're not even kinky people we just do it a lot! We've been walked in on by friends a lot who all have the comment "you two f*** like bunnies". He always tells me that he can't believe he found a girl who has the sex drive of a guy yet still looks so innocent. He doesn't even have to do anything to turn me on, he can be covered in dirt working on a car and I'll think about how much I love him and it just makes me want him so bad and I know its the same for him. We do other stuff too like go fishing,movies,out to dinner,cooking at home,shopping,go for drives/walks,party...its just that we always find time for sex somewhere in the day. We'll both be going away to college in the fall and don't know how we'll deal with being apart. Neither of us would ever cheat but it's going to be hard.
But is this much sex really normal for a teen couple? We've talked to another couple that we're friends with about this but they said they were only like this when they first started having sex and they've slowed down a lot now. (link)
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I've met very few guys who respond badly to their girlfriends wanting sex constantly. I feel very sorry for those guys. Go with it.
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i have a friend when i tell her something she remembers it for long time but when i tell my other friends they just forget but my friend remembers exactly all the details i told her long time ago she has a bad memory like other people but tend to remember things a lot when tell her things why is that? (link)
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As said below, remembering everything you say more than others means she pays you more attention. Paying you more attention means that she likes you more than she likes them.
You'd be well advised to spend time with this friend, get to know her better, etc. When you notice someone who behaves like this towards you, you should always recognize and return it. She wants to be closer friends with you, let her.
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i heard that cervical cancer vaccination, is only needed once your daughter is sexually active.
is that true ?
(link)
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I do not suggest it.
http://colleenhammond.blogspot.com/2007/07/gardasil-death-dizziness-and.html
There are many websites like this. Gardasil contains a few compounds linked to infertility and other negative effects.
Currently, because of the newness of the vaccine, we have absolutely ZERO accurate studies about the long term effects, and we have concerns raised about its contents.
When I have kids, based on the research available, I will pull them out of public school if this vaccine is ever mandated. Its really screwed up that we have a vaccine that is supposed to solve a disease that we have little information on in the first place. And its available to the general public and is being MARKETED to citizenry without anyone being able to tell you "its safe and effective"
Well, they are saying its safe and effective.
And they're lying through their teeth.
Cervical cancer is one of the rarest forms of cancer. We have zero proof by statistics that gardasil lowers the actual chances of cervical cancer by any detectable degree. We DO have proof that dangerous, poisonous chemicals that can potentially remove your ability to have children are in ALL current batches of the vaccine.
I am not exaggerating when I say that getting a shot of gardasil is playing russian roulette with a child's future ability to bear children.
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Lately I've been able to predict pretty accurately what happens to me emotionally on certain days by merely looking at the calendar.
I've never had anything like this. It's been this way ever since I met this boy. Like I'd get feelings that I would be sad or happy or whatever on a certain day or time months in advance. And it's always what I expected it to be.
Even the things I've said to that boy about my feelings or fears about certain times turns out to be extremely accurate. Like thoughts like "I can't wait until this certain month" or "I need to get through this certain month". Then when I do reach that month, it comes true.
Could it be that the emotions that I have during that time period is so strong I can sense it? All of the strong feelings that I have are according to that boy. Or could it be that I'm thinking everything through so much that I'm catching on to the patterns in life? (link)
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Actually, its more likely a self fulfilling prophesy. Rather than having any sort of power at all, you unconsciously set a "I should feel this way at this time" and then when you remember it, you sink into that emotion.
There is absolutely nothing psychic or supernatural about this. More than likely, you have a psychological control complex and hate feeling helpless, so this is your coping mechanism. By thinking about the future and how you feel, and then making yourself feel that way when the time comes about, you feel in control. It makes you feel like you know whats coming.
In truth, whats coming is entirely your own creation.
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my boyfriend just broke up with me because he thought i was being selfish but i don't know what i said to make him think that he and he won't tell me. and today i saw this guy at the pool who used to live in my neighborhood.i had a slight crush on him but he likes my boobs and he wanted to touch them so i let him and we kissed but he tried to touch me down there and it turns out he just wanted to get in my pants. before and after the kiss happened i catch him staring at me. so i don't know if that means he's interested in dating me or having sex with me. the day he came to the pool is the same day my ex dumped me and the minute i saw the guy at the pool i did feel like i wanted to date him and get to know him more and possibly make something happen but my ex is special to me and i really loved him and i want to make this work. im torn between two guys. my heart says my ex but my mind says the guy at the pool what should i do (i hope this doesn't confuse you i feel like i just rambled on ) (link)
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Oi.
Ok. You want romance, and love, and you're horny so sex isn't unappealing.
The guy at the pool wants sex, sex, and is horny so he wants more sex. However old he is, he walked up to a 14 year old and immediately started feeling her up.
This is an obvious giveaway that he wants sex, only sex, nothing but sex, and if you ask for anything more than that you're going to be rejected.
Take this as a learning experience. When a guy starts touching you before he starts talking to you, he wants nothing but sex. He is not capable of giving you what you want, because to be honest he's kind of a loser.
Figure out the ex, if you want to get back with him try. The guy at the pool should be ignored regardless of what else you do, unless you like being used like a disposable sex toy and tossed aside because once he's scored you're just an annoying teenaged girl he cares nothing for.
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